Madness
Sick
Moving
Working HARD
So much going on right now. Hubby unpacked my scale today. It is staring at me. Taunting me. Daring me to step up on it. Tomorrow is judgement day. I will be a big girl and accept it for it is, whatever it is. I can do this without getting upset. I can and I will.
Too much going on in the head today to write it all out. Sadness about the condition of my precious house is the overwhelming theme, though. It will take us at least a year, and several thousand dollars, to restore it to it's pre-rental condition. At least I won't be bored, right? ;) As long as there is some extra money, I shouldn't be without something to do.
My blog is going to get back into original purpose soon. Stay tuned...
Settling In
The settling in is coming along quite nicely. The bedroom painting is coming along slowly. But, I think it is going to end up looking pretty good. I've got 3/4 of it finished and almost all of our bedroom furniture put back. I want to get the curtains hung this weekend, if I can get the painting finished. I think the curtains, and some vegetation of some sort, will make all the difference. I think I will need to paint the ceiling, though. The white ceiling is just too much of a contrast with that wall color.
Our diet has started to get back to normal. We are going to go back to the gym tomorrow. I am going to start my 26 week marathon training program over from the beginning, starting on Monday. My Austin Marathon was last Sunday and I was pretty bummed out all day about not being able to be there. Every half hour I was calculating what mile I would have been at, had I been able to go. Even while we were moving furniture into the garage, I was thinking about being out on the road. It was a very sad day. I have missed 7 weeks of training. It might as well have been 7 months.....Seems like it has been that long, anyway.
Oh well. Starting over. In more than one way, too. I think I have gotten used to being my current size. I saw someone at Walgreens last night that I have not seen in almost 2 years. She said that I looked so great and asked me how much weight I had lost. I had forgotten that I had lost a bunch of weight, already. I'm just focused on where I need to go, not where I have been. I am going to wait to weigh myself until the end of the month and then that will be my new starting point--and I am going to try not to get upset by how much weight I have gained back, whatever that number is. It is what it is and I am looking forward, not back.
Speaking of looking forward, my calorieking.com account is a thing of the past. It feels scary and good at the same time. I think I may have slowed down my metabolism at the end of the year. It probably was a very good thing for me to take a break from the extreme exercising and careful calrorie counting. It resulted in weight gain, but my metabolism has probably readjusted by now. Ready for Round 2.
My son has been back to his old self. He tells me everyday how happy he is to be back in his old house. He is back to singing all the time, he is constantly outside playing with his friends. We are all so very happy to be back. The house needs a LOT of work, though. It is a little overwhelming right now, but I'll just get through the list one item at a time. Starting with the flush handle that broke on the toilet this morning. Oy! LOL.
Home, Sweet Home
Aaaaaaaahhh, how good did it feel to sleep in my own
BED back in my own
HOUSE??? There are no words in the English vocabulary to properly describe the feeling.
We are all sick, though. Bummer. My son's doctor hypothesized that my Dad's house made him sick. I'll buy it. He has an upper respiratory infection. We're not too far behind him. I am, however, making every effort to sanitize our funiture before it gets put in the house. Everything gets dusted, the fabric gets vacuumed on the sofa, etc. All of the bedding was washed before it was packed. I think I am going to get the air ducts cleaned when I get paid next week. We have had two tenants in a row with lots of animals and we are just allergic. Four dogs, three cats and a bird (cockatoo???) have called this place home over the last two years.
I got my last e-mail from calorie king today notifying me that if I did not renew, my account would be disabled tomorrow. That was a long two weeks. I'm going to miss all of the people I have e-met on that site. But, I need to not renew that service. At least for a while.
We got the armoir put in our bedroom last night. All of my bedroom furniture is walnut with a dark cherry finish. It doesn't quite look the way I had envisioned against the walls, but the comfortor looks great against the wall color. I'm going to go ahead and finish the paint job and see if I need to modify it, at all. It doesn't look bad, just not what I was expecting. I usually have really good taste and can match colors very well, so I am going to just get the whole room put together and see if I was really off, or if it was brilliance and I didn't know it. LOL.
Today!
So, there has been no progress on the insurance company's part. I am an impatient person, sometimes. I called the insurance guy today and told him that I have people just waiting to get into the house, if he would only get it cleaned. He is intitled to a refund of rent, you know? He said that, if I was okay with it, to go ahead and get it ready myself and take the fees out of the deposit.
I was all over it. The carpet cleaners will be here at 12:30. I am dusting the ceiling fans, blinds and baseboards so that the carpet cleaning will pick up that crap. That's all I need. The rest of it is icing on the cake, baby! We can do the rest of that stuff later tonight and the rest of the week. I will get to sleep in my own bed, back in my old house, tonight. And, I get to pay myself for cleaning the house. I have really high standards, anyway. I doubt any cleaning crew would be able to meet them.
WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I am running tomorrow morning, too, by the way. I can't wait! Just two, easy miles, though. To get myself used to running on concrete.
2/3 Back Home
We moved our stuff from San Antonio into our garage in Corinth. The house is still not clean, though it
is empty. We are all waiting on my tenant's insurance company to coordinate the cleaning crew. The day the house gets cleaned, we move in!!!
We are getting all of the utilities transferred back into our name tomorrow and I am going to work from the house this week, even though we can't move in. I will be working from a plastic table. Not pretty, but I'd rather be sitting at a plastic table in my house than in the family room at my Dad's!
I've also been able to make some progress in the repainting project in the master bedroom. I've still got a lot to do, but I am knocking it out in two-to-three hour chuncks. I'm hoping we will get back home this week. We stacked our stuff in the garage in such a way so that we have easy access to our mattresses. All we need to move back in is some place to sleep! Everything else is icing on the cake.
I'm so excited I can barely stand it. I'm in a much better mood even though all I did was work all weekend.
Good-Bye CK!
I received an e-mail last week from calorieking.com that notified me that my account is going to expire in two weeks. I have spent the last week pondering if I should renew, or not. I've decided that I should not renew. So, I will be cut-off from the CK community sometime in the next 7 to 10 days.
I've spent far too much time on the internet and on that site. It definitely served a fantastic purpose and I am not bashing the service, at all. I know how to lose weight now and I know how to live a healthy life. Ck was very instrumental in helping me to get control over my body. I just haven't been using any of the tools since August and I have been progressing just fine on my own (past six weeks excluded, of course). When we get back into our own house and our own life, I will be able to pick where I left off and reach a healthy weight. This year.
This year I am going to focus on my physical health, as well as my emotional health. I am going to develop relationships outside of my family and I hope to get back to serving in the church.
It has been seven days since I worked out. While that may not seem like a big deal to anybody else, it has been an entire YEAR since I went that long without exercising.
A YEAR!!! I am trying really hard not to think about all the fitness I am losing due to my inactivity. I am just trying to stay focused on the fact/hope that I will be able to gain it back a lot quicker than I earned it the first time around. Maybe? Yeah, I'll just keep telling myself it is true, even if it isn't.
I keep daydreaming about running in my neighborhood and around all of the lakes in the area...and how beautiful it will be running around the lakes in the mornings...and how awesome it will be to watch the sunrise over the lakes while running...and how early I will have to get out of bed to get my runs finished in time for breakfast...and all the people I see out running in my part of town that I will get to smile at while running by them...how wonderful it will feel in the winter to run in the 20 degree mornings and come home to a hot shower and a fresh pot of coffee that my hubby has prepared for me...then putting on really warm, soft, comfy clothes and fuzzy socks and working out of my house...and...and...and......
False Start, Offense
I couldn't stand it any longer...so I called my tenants today at 4:00. They were right in the middle of moving their stuff out of storage and back into their house. But, the inspection apparently did not pass. He said there was just one thing holding up the approval and I guess they couldn't get it fixed tonight.
I wanted to suprise them and just show up to help because I knew they would otherwise turn down the assistance. When we got there, their house was locked up tight, all the lights were off, and their cars were in "my" driveway. :( I'm sure that they are just as disappointed as I am, though, that they have to spend another night in my house.
Seriously, I had paint, new blinds, my son's bike and tools packed up in the car and working clothes on. I had delusions of going over there tonight to remove the vertical blinds from the master bedroom, patch the holes from the screws, and at least get the room taped for painting the walls. It just wasn't meant to be. I was sooo bummed. I want my house and my life back.
I hope I am not being too much of a burden to them. As a landlord, I have always tried to be almost completely hands-off unless the tenants encouraged otherwise. These people are my neighbors and my friends, too, though. They let me get my mail forwarded a month ago and have been so accomodating. The last thing I want to be is a burden and adding stress to their lives. I'm probably over-thinking this like I normally do.
Well, maybe tomorrow will bring some more news?
Countdown
OMG! Can it really be true??? My tenants called and said that their house is getting it's final inspection tomorrow. They hope to be sleeping back in their own home tomorrow night. I am so freeking excited.
Their house is absolutely beautiful. They were so sweet and told me that they chose the color of their walls because they liked the color in my family room so much. They chose a slightly darker shade of the same color for their house. They have a completely gorgeous kitchen. Granite, stainless steel, huge cook top, double oven; basically anyone's dream kitchen. I am a little jealous...I admit. I asked for some pointers on how to burn my house down so that I can get those upgrades, too. Just kidding. They said they wouldn't wish that experience on their worst enemy.
I have been engaging in some home improvement retail therapy. All of the trim paint throughout the house (and the doors) is starting to yellow and needs to be repainted. That requires removing all of the door handles. What better time to replace all of those nasty brass door knobs with brushed-nickel levers, right??? I have to admit that I was a little shocked by the price of that small door knob-to-lever improvement. Looks like it will be about $400 in hardware, alone. Wow.
I picked out (and purchased) the paint color for my bedroom and a new color for the trim throughout the house. Right now it is an aged (slightly yellowed) "Hi-Hiding White." I am going to a very warm white called "Wedding Silk." I really don't like white, at all. I'm going to get rid of as much of it as possible. The only white that will be left will be the marble vanities.
Focusing on my home improvements is helping my mood out a great deal. My car is full of stuff for the house. My tenants said that if they get to move into their house tomorrow, that I can go in and work whenever I want. We have to wait for the insurance company to pick up the rental furniture and to clean the house before we move back in. But, I can replace blinds, paint, etc. until we can move in for good.
We made it to church this morning. It was so awesome. Everyone was sooooo happy to see us, and to find out that we are moving back. Maybe we can get back into the music ministry, when the time is right. My hubby played the keyboard and I operated the audio/visual equipment before we left. We enjoyed serving, but it ended up eating up a lot of our time near the end because they started to rely on us EVERY weekend. Rehearsals on Saturday and two services on Sunday. There used to be two teams (we alternated weekends) a while back but then people wouldn't be able to do it and we were always available.
We are planning on moving this weekend. At the very least, we will move our stuff from San Antonio to the garage at the house. Then, as soon as the insurance company is finished celaning, we can just move our junk from the garage to the house. At least it is progress.
Hope for a good city inspection tomorrow, with me!!!
I Suck
I suck and I know I suck. I am selfish. My Dad asked me last night (after I had JUST gotten back from working 16 hours on-site) if I could pick up my son from school starting next week because his wife-who is in the pshycho hospital-has decided that it is too much stress for her to pick him up. I have already given them $400 this month to offset the cost of gas and their time to take my boy to school and pick him up. I am pissed because of the money, because my job will be affected, she lied to me, and I am pissed because I am just fucking miserable here.
I called my boss this morning and asked him if he could keep me in town for two more weeks and explained to him what was going on. He said, "That is just wrong. You shouldn't think like that about her." Grrr. He's right but she is such a friggin' liar, hypocrite and just a miserable person. How can picking up someone from school (for good money) be too much stress???? Why fucking offer if you don't want to do it????????? Damn it. I want my own life back.
I decided to weigh myself at the gym last night. The scale showed 273 pounds. There is no way I could have gained 13 pounds in a month. I started laughing. It's not funny, but I am just topped-out in the stress department and couldn't muster up any other reaction. Even if I did gain that much weight, I will be able to lose it pretty quickly. I will press the "reset" button when we move. Until then I just have to get myself through this.
Delays
The move is not going to happen next weekend. My tenants have doubts about it happening in two weeks. That makes me very sad. I feel like I am at the end of my rope here. It looks like I was wrong about that. I can't be at the end because I am still here and have to continue to be here.
My Dad's wife was admitted to the psychiatric hospital last Friday. It has been a little easier to be here since she left. Yeah, I know how bad that sounds. That woman is a waste of skin and organs and I sometimes get really angry that I have to share my oxygen with her. Yeah, you probably weren't expecting me to say something like that.
I believe that some people in life really have serious emotional/mental/psychological disorders. I am also as equally sure that some people fake it for attention. She is in the latter group, mostly. She is the type that "gets" whatever condition she sees drugs heavily advertised for on TV, or someone she knows "got" something and she now has the same symptoms. She goes to the doctor at least two or three times a month and to the emergency room at least once a quarter--usually when my Dad wants to go do something fun. My father is much more pleasant to be around without her, too.
She gets about 75% of her daily calories from Dr. Pepper, the other 25% from processed foods. She doesn't exercise. She smokes. She doesn't go outside unless she has to. She syas that these things have nothing to do with her "depression" and her "medical problems." She in not overweight, rather she is a "fat" thin person. God this woman bothers me.
I so need to get over it and tune it out. But, I am so easily affected by the moods of people around me. I call it my survival instinct. My father was a very violent alcoholic when I was young and I developed the ability to read his mood so I knew what I could and couldn't say to him at any given time so he wouldn't beat me. At least that is my theory. I can "feel" someone's mood the same way most people can "feel" the temperature of the air around them. It may sound weird, but it's true.
My husband hates the smell of paint. He also hates moving. I asked him last night if he would be upset if we didn't move into our bedroom right away. I want to paint the master bedroom. I've always wanted to paint that room but I never decided which color. I know which color I want now. He said he was okay with that. He is so awesome. Not only are we going to be moving, but he is going to have to sleep in a bedroom that smells like paint for a few days, on a mattress on the floor. He is such an incredible man.
We have been at each other for a few weeks now. Everything he says annoys me and everything I say annoys him. We try to spend a few minutes each night reconnecting and apologizing. Sex is out of the question, of course. This is one of the hardest points of our relationship, so far. But we love each other immensely and we realize that we are not annoyed by each other, just our circumstances (and probably the absence of sex).
I work from home now. Which would be great if I were actually in MY home. Here, it sucks. My Dad is going deaf so he has the TV turned up crazy-loud. They have a dog that likes to bark. My Dad works nights. So, between the damned barkings, the crazy TV, and the rogue vacuum cleaner, it is nearly impossible to call a client on the phone. This is causing problems, too. So far I have been somewhat successful at juggling everything so that the client doesn't know I am at home and my boss doesn't wonder why I haven't called the client. This adds a great deal of stess, too. My timing has to be perfect or I have a mad boss or a client that wonders what kind of organization they are doing business with. I have been lying to the client when my timing ends up not being perfect, or just hanging up on them and claiming the call was dropped. I just tell my boss the truth, when I can't juggle it perfectly.
Okay, so this has ended up being a big whine-fest. Oh well. Better get to work.
Reminder
So, I have been eating crap since the first of January. My system is completely messed up. I feel horrible. I am writing this in my blog to remind myself of how miserable my existence can be without my healthy foods and regular exercising.
Since August, I have been running four times a week with weight training and cross training scattered about. Since January, I have been running about once a week at the gym and getting a few miles walk in with my family out here in the sticks once or twice a week. It absolutely amazes me how quickly I am losing my hard-won fitness. Running at 5.0 MPH in December had my heart rate at about 168 bpm. Running 4.5 MPH yesterday had my heart rate at 170 bpm.
So.Very.Sad.I am not giving up, of course. I was hoping to run the Big D Marathon in April but that is completely out of the question, now. I think the White Rock Marathon is in the fall and I am going to try for that one. I ran 4.5 miles yesterday at the gym and it still felt good. I only took one walk break. If I had more time, I probably could have gone 6 to 8 miles fairly easily. If I can just keep that fitness until we get moved, I should be able to get back up on my training and be ready for a fall marathon. I've also decided that I am not going to run/walk a marathon. I am right on the verge of being able to drop my walk breaks. With another month, or so, of training I should be able to drop them; especially if I sloooooooow down some. That's the plan.
And, not only do I have to get my fitness level back up, but I also have to get my body to adapt to running on concrete. Ye-ouch!
I'm going to my house tonight to get the mail and to check on my tenants. I hope they still plan on moving back into their house this coming weekend. My son wil be
9 years old on Monday and we have to do a little something for him. I can't believe he is that old, already. We also told the tenants that we will help them get back into their house. I'd like to paint the master bedroom before we move back in, but I don't know if they're game for letting me paint with their stuff still there. I'm going to ask, though. We are good friends and they have already been very accomodating in allowing us to put our shit in the garage and to get the mail forwarded.
Just two more weeks until homecoming day (hopefully)...Woohoo!
