Wednesday
So I am not making it to the gym much. When I do make it, I run. I am running with one break about half way through my workout of about 50 - 65 minutes. I am okay with that since I was using the run 8 minute, walk 1 minute program. However, we are making it outside to take walks regularly, when it is not too windy. We did three miles this evening and it felt great. I wanted to run sooo bad, but hubby and the kid were with me. It's all good. At least I am still moving.
Not doing so great in the food department, still. I believe my weight is staying about the same, though. I talked to my tenants on Monday and they say that their house will be ready for move-in on the 10th. Woohoo, baby! That means that we could, most likely, be moving into our house the following weekend. 17 days away!!!!!!!
I have been thinking about all the things I want to do to the house when we get moved back in. I know that paint will be high up on the list. The carpeting already needs to be replaced from the prior tennants (grrr), but I want to tile more of the house before we get new carpeting installed--like the hallway and washroom. So very excited to be going back HOME.
Ungrateful Brat!
I walked out of our bedroom yesterday morning and straight into a puddle of dog piss. The hallway that is outside our room looks like the dog has been using it for a restroom for months (and smells like it, too). My Dad's wife insists it is just stains from old accidents. Yeah, sure it is.
So, that is how yesterday started and it really didn't get any better. I decided that I was going to get my carpet cleaner out and clean the hallway. What a mistake. As soon as I applied hot water to that nasty-ass carpeting the smell almost made me vomit right then and there. But, I kept on at it because I am, quite frankly, just tired of walking through stale dog piss several times a day. When I dumped that water out, I wanted to just cry it was so nasty. And they LIVE LIKE THIS EVERY DAY!!!!! She has a smelly ferret that she doesn't keep clean, either. Gawd it is nasty in here.
And, why did the dog piss on the floor? Because she was too flipping lazy to let him outside when he had to go. If you let the dog out, he won't piss in the house.
Yeah, so I am acting like a spoiled, ungrateful brat and I know it. I can't believe people live like this; and I can't believe "people" includes my father. What is he doing with this woman, anyway??? She is always in a bad mood, he is always in a bad mood. Between the sweltering heat, the nastyness, and the continuous foul moods, I just don't know how much more I can take. My son wants to leave, too. He asked me how many more weeks we have to stay here. I feel his pain! And, if I ever have to be subjected to one more episode of Golden Girls or have to listen to another scene from Titanic, it will be too FUCKING soon.
I'm going to ask my boss to send me on a trip. I get to leave tomorrow for the whole day, but I want to be gone for a few days. In a clean, non-nasty place. We are not sleeping well on the $200 mattress in their spare room, either. Did I mention that all three of us are sharing an 11' x 11' room?
At least I have my blog to "vent" to, right. Oh my goodness, get me outa here.
Interesting
Yesterday I was watching a lecture on Understanding Obesity from a professor at the University of California. Among many other very interesting things I learned, was this: There is a hormone in your body that motivates/stimulates/whatever the hunger response in our brains. It is called grehmelin, or something like that. They researched the levels of this horman in obese people for a period of time and found that the level of this hormone in the blood spikes at breakfast time, lunch time, dinner time and again at midnight. After you eat, it goes back down then builds back up until you eat again.
What was interesting about this research is that they had these obese people lose weight and their levels of this hormone increased by like 50% (at all times during the day) when they repeated the study after the weight loss. I believe the weightloss was moderate to substantial, I don't recall. Anyway, what this means is that after you lose weight, this hormone gets produced in much larger quantities which has the affect of increasing your hunger AFTER you lose weight because your body is trying to get you to gain the weight back because it sees the weight loss as starvation. The lecturer said that this is one of many reasons why so many people who lose weight end up gaining it back, plus some.
What is even more interesting, is that they also did this study on gastric bypass patients (who had lost substantial weight) and discovered that their levels of this hormone, after the weight loss, did not spike and were much lower even when it did peak. This also helps explain why the vast majority of gastric bypass patients are so successful at long-term weight loss. The research was also repeated on people who underwent other surgical proceedures, like the lap bad, etc., and the results were the same as those who lost weight without surgical intervention.
I have been finding myself hungry a lot lately. I was attributing it to the increase in processed foods in my diet and the stress. But, this hormone thing can also explain it--at least partially. What the lecture didn't go into, however, was how long it took for the hormone levels to retern to a more normal state once weight loss was acheived. You would expect your body to adapt, eventually. Because adapt is what bodies do best. So, now that I am armed with this new tidbit of information, will my hormones win or will my mind prevail?
Stay tuned. :)
Struggles
Living with my Dad has proven to be an interesting experience. I have been here almost two weeks and my family almost four. There is never a fresh vegetable available in this house and they start off their days with a Dr. Pepper. And then another and then another and then....well, you get the picture.
We have, of course, purchased small quantities of our fresh veggies and fruits. But, the problem is that my Dad decides he wants to cook dinner for us. The food will be wasted if we do not eat it (and they are NOT in the financial position to waste food--even though we continually tell them not to buy food for us) and his feelings would be hurt. I don't want to upset him. So we eat his processed foods (in small quantities) and try to get in a salad and/or some frozen vegetables.
My Dad also lives waaaaaay out in the country. The grocery store (and everything else) is a half hour away, at least. We've tried to go to the gym as a family three times and all three times I've had to turn around after being in the car for 75 minutes and still not making it. The kid has a bed time, you know?
I've had to admit defeat. I don't have any control over this right now so I have decided to make it to the gym alone when I am at a client site that is somewhat close to a gym. The food is not going to change, either, so I am just trying my hardest not to gain weight during this transition. I don't have a scale, or a tape measure, so I am going to use my clothes as my guide. This will be a huge challenge for me.
There are only two choices for running, too. Either risk my life on the two lane asphault farm road where cars are usually going between 65 and 100 MPH or run on the gravel roads--both out in the strong wind. I can't be out in the wind for too long. I really don't enjoy running on the gravel roads, but I may have to find a way to do it, just to keep at least somewhat active. We've decided to go to the gym on Saturday mornings, though.
I also did something yesterday that I haven't done in over a year. I ate a candy bar in the morning AND I had a medium ice cream cone in the afternoon AND I had a scoop of ice cream last night. OMG. I am a person of two opposing extremes. I'm either all or nothing! I am either eating right and exercise and taking super-care of myself or I am eating crap all day long and not exercising and not doing what is best for me. Hot or Cold.
On the plus side, it seems this period of no weight loss might actually be good for me. I lost 90 pounds in about 9 months. That is a LOT of weight and that might have even been a little bit fast. Anyway, I am noticing that my body is still changing even though I haven't been losing any weight or building muscle. I flexed my muscles in the mirror a few days ago and I could actually see a little bit of muscle definition and the bottom of my rib cage! My pectoral muscles looked awesome, I could see my biceps and triceps through the loose skin and it is very motivating. I can't wait to continue to build up those muscles and lose some more fat. I think I have the genetic potential to have an amazingly muscular body. The loose skin on my arms also looks like it is tightening up, some. Very exciting. I've got some decent sized muscles under there! I thought I did, but now I can SEE them.
I've decided that once we get moved back into our house next month, I am going to start over on my weight loss. I'm going to pretend that I have always been 260 lbs. and that I have always been this active. Reset the counter, so to speak. Losing 90 pounds seems like a huge accomplishment all by itself and I don't want to tell myself that whatever unhealthy thing I am doing is alright because I have already lost 90 pounds. Play a little mental game with myself, if you will. "I'm going to go on a diet next month." LOL.
I haven't had any down time to check out anyone's blogs but it is definitely on my agenda once I get some more time.
1/3 Back Home
I start my new job tomorrow. A job I should have taken two or three years ago when he first offered to hire me. I was --> <-- this close to doing it back then. But I decided to do something else, instead. Ah well. Funny how things come full circle, no?
The weather out here is aweful. The roads are all iced up. Looks like my first day will be in my Dad's living room. :) I found someone who wants my house in San Antonio right now and we are waiting to hear back from the management company if she is approved, or not. If she is, we have to be out on Saturday. Woah! So not ready for that!
We've been stuck in the house, so no running has been taking place. Too much eating of unhealthy foods, too. I was going to run with my group one last time, but since the weather was getting really bad out here, my family wanted me to drive up Friday night. I ended up getting here at 4:00AM saturday morning. It's been a wierd weekend.
If the roads are in passable condition in the morning, I plan on getting up at 5:00 tomorrow morning to get to the gym, then head over to the client site. It's not looking very promising right now. I haven't run since last Monday.
Last Day!
This week has been an absolute blur and a flurry of activity. It is my last day at the San Antonio job. I finally got over the emotional junk associated with it and I am ready to move on. We found someone who wants the house, now. She wanted it this weekend. Yikes! I just can't be out this weekend. I doubt my ability to be out next weekend.
I've been working myself to death trying to finish all of my work with the current employer and working with the future employer to be ready to be onsite with a client on Monday. OMG. My husband is grating on my nerves and I have no idea why. He hasn't done anything to deserve to be responded to the way I have been responding to him. I keep apologizing but I can't seem to stop, either. I'm glad I am back in San Antonio today--I've been up in Dallas all week. I am a bad girl and I need a time out for not playing well with others--especially the ones I love. Seriously.
I'm going to get one last run in with my group tomorrow morning. 12 miles. I need it really badly. The last two weekends have been only 4 to 5 miles. I suck. But, I guess I should be happy that I am at least still running, even if it is not nearly enough miles.
I got to shop in a normal grocery store this past week. That was sooo awesome. I've gotten so sick of having only one place to buy groceries, and the fresh produce there sucks. I went to three different grocery stores this weekend, just because they were there for me to walk in to!!! :) You don't know what you got 'til it's gone. I never paid a bit of attention to my grocery choices prior to movinig to San Antonio. Make sure when you are moving to a new place that you have more than one store to buy from...every time I see an HEB I get pissed off...I hate that place.
Okay, got to get some more work done............
It's January!
Last night I sat in my car in the gym parking lot feeling very angry at the resolutioners. I am crowd adverse and feel a lot of anxiety with a lot of people around me. I wanted to leave. I called a friend of mine and we just talked for a few minutes and I complained to her. Then I worked up the courage and calmness to leave my car and enter the gym. I had to run and I wasn't prepared to run outside.
Let's keep in mind that this is a GYM parking lot, people. You come here to
exercise. So, why in the bloody hell are you so fucking concerned with getting the closest parking spot you can find to the door?????? Hello! As I was walking from my spot in far left field, I watched people circling around and around loooking for a close spot. WTF?
I found
one empty treadmill. Luckily, it was in my favorite, less-crowded, better ventilated spot. It was a sea of humanity and it pissed me off the whole time I was there. By the time I left, there were lines for the cardio machines. There was not one single spot left in the parking lot when I left. Un-Be-Lievable! Really. I hate January at the gym.
I didn't get too much done at home yesterday. My car is loaded up and my Dad is coming with his truck to take some more stuff. I don't like to put all of that odd, unpackable stuff on the moving truck so I take that in little trips where it is less likely to get damaged. You know, stuff like silk flowers, pictures, lamps, etc. We'll dump it off at my house sometime tomorrow.
I finally was able to have a conversation with my boss about my resignation. We kept missing each other. He was worried there was someting that they did wrong (as a company) that drove me away and I assured him that it was completely a personal thing with my family. He told me that he would really like the opportunity to hire me back to work remotely, when the timing is right (which isn't right now) and he asked me if I would be open to some contract work until then. I know they thought very highly of me, but that offer almost completely removes the uncertaintly I've been feeling. I have a backup plan if something doesn't work out with the new job. I doubt there will be any problems, but you never know.
I mapped out a 12.4 mile route around my neighborhood/city for tomorrow morning. I had forgotten how many lakes were near by. My route goes by two lakes tomorrow. It is supposed to be 29 degrees in the morning. Brrrr. It gets much colder up there than it does out here. I may have to get some warmer running clothes.
Rolling Along
One more day of insantiy then I get to be with my family for 4 days. Yay! I got all of my employment agreements and everything yesterday and I was really really excited to find out that I am indirectly getting even more extra money. $7,000 per year! Happy days.
How, you may be wondering? Health insurance! The company pays 100% of a family policy. WooHoo!!! So, that medical savings account I was going to be adding $550 per month to, instead of paying my part of insurance, is not necessary. There is a lot more benefits that I won't go in to, but I am a very happy person. With the small pay increase and fully-paid insurance, that ends up being almost an extra $10,000 per year. Go, Cindy.
I've been doing really well with the packing and cleaning, but not so well with the getting up at 5:00 AM to run at the gym. I'm going to run for an hour tonight after work. It has to be done. If I don't run I am going to go crazy. I've been feeling "it" creeping up.
So, I found a marathon in April (The Big D Marathon) and I figured out where I should be in my training plan in order to be ready. It puts me back to week 14 (of 26) and I have 12 miles to run this weekend. Easy. 12 miles has become easy for me; I've done it so many times. I don't know where I am going to run, yet, but I can promise you it is NOT out in the country at my Dad's house on those worthless gravel roads in that brutal wind. Nope-->Going into the city. I don't know where white rock lake is, but I know that is where a lot of runners train in Dallas. I may go there, or my neighborhood. My neighborhood/city is almost designed for running! Gorgeous sidewalks, trails, golf courses, gentle hills, and great roads (even if it is all 100% concrete, yikes). My body will adapt.
I don't remember if I put this in my blog, or not, but the last time I ran (which was Saturday on a treadmill), I was able to run the last 40 minutes (of 65) without a walk break. It was slow (4.8 MPH) but it was very comfortable and seemed easier than running/walking. I think I am going to work with that slower speed until I can run my whole long-run without walking. Then I can pick up the speed a little the last month or two of training. I'd like to be at an 11:00 minute mile for the marathon and I think I can do it. I've decided to keep with the marathon plan in order to keep me focused on my health during this time of transition in my life. Although, I will now be doing the hardest part of my training on my own, without the support of my group. But, I am a very self-motivated person so I will be fine.
Changes
So much to do! I got my boys in Dallas this weekend. They have a lot to do, too. We went to our neighborhood and talked to all of our neighbors. It felt like home driving up to the subdivision. Everyone was so happy to see us and to find out that we were moving back. The boy was very excited playing with all of his old friends.
We went to our house and talked to our tenants. They took us through their house and showed us what they were changing. It is coming along nicely and they are hoping to be out of our house within four weeks. They are going to let me start moving some of my stuff back in the house over the next few weeks and said to go ahead and forward our mail. They never forwarded their mail since the fire because their house is just two houses down.
The insurance company ended up shorting them a few thousand dollars so they said that they are going to get a keg of beer and a case of wine and have a moving party. I told them to sign us up. She had to pack everything dirty so most of the moving party will be a cleaning party. I'm so excited to be moving back home. I'm sure they'll be more than happy to help us move back, too.
So, my plan for the next few weeks will be to get up to the gym early AM, work, pack, work with the new guy to get up to speed, pack, sleep, repeat. I'll be going to Dallas on the weekends. I'm going to measure and weigh myself tomorrow morning for the "end of year" check-in and then the scale and tape measure gets packed. I'll have to go about two months without them both. I'm excited. It'll be a nice challenge.
I plan to do my best to keep up my running during the transition. I'm planning on about 25 miles per week and I am going to attempt to get a long run of 10 to 13 miles on Saturdays. If I can maintain my base, I should be able to continue my training when we get settled. Although, the venue will change. Austin will be out. I'll be looking in Dallas and Fort Worth for a good race to train for. I think I still want to try to finish the marathon distance. My USA Fit organization does not have a location in the part of the DFW metro area I live in. The closest one is over 30 miles away. I'll have to either train myself or find a new group.
