Flurry
So I called my Dad to tell him we are coming back home and (as expected) he gets mad and yells at me about stability, security, blah, blah, blah...(yes, I know I am 30 years old with my own family, now). I ask him if I can crash at his place during the week until my tenants leave my house. He said sure. Then, he calls me back a couple hours later....
He wants me to move my kid and my husband up there this weekend so that my kid can start the new year in the right school. He said that he and his wife will help to get the boy to school and back every day while I am here in San Antonio fulfilling my obligations to my current employer and getting the house packed up. That's an interesting solution to a problem...and it came from my father (after he finished being mad at me). Prince Charming is reluctant because he doesn't want me to have to pack up the house by myself. What else am I going to do in the evenings if my family isn't here, you know? It will keep my mind busy.
My dad is going to get me a storage unit near my house, get the boy enrolled in school, and help take as much burden off of me as he can. Tell me he isn't happy we are coming home! :) Even though he would never admit it in a million years. He was mad when we left, too. Well, actually, he is always mad. LOL. So, it seems like this holiday weekend is going to be an interesting one...
Resignation
So I did it. I cried the entire time I was writing my resignation letter. I am still teary-eyed. This is what my family wants. I don't know what I want. I suppose it will be okay either way. Why does it hurt so badly, though?
It is like dumping someone you love deeply; but you know it is the right thing to do, anyway...
Happi
Sitting on the airplane today, I was pondering life. I have a tendency to put my earbuds in and listen to music while on a plane because I do not want to interact with anyone around me, unless it is on my terms. I figured out that there aren't too many material things in life that I consider "must-haves" but my iPod is definitely one of them. I love that thing. I can't imagine surviving a plane ride, a long run, or a long drive without it. I love music. I can definitely do without all other forms of media, but don't take away my music.
When I checked into the hotel, I asked the staff where were some of the best places to eat, that were within walking distance. Emeril's restaurant is just a few blocks from here. So I went. Oh.My.God. That was the best meal I think I have ever had. I didn't know reservations were required so I walked in and said "table for one, please." LOL. The guy looked at me funny and asked me for my name. There was one spot open at the very end of the food bar that overlooked the kitchen so I guess I got lucky. I got to sit right next to a really cute guy (one of those quasi-gay looking metrosexula types that smelled really pretty), and his perfectly gorgeous, modelesque companion. He talked to me almost non-stop and I kept trying to converse with him AND his "chick." She looked a little peeved. I can be really outgoing, when I want to be. He was nice to talk to, but definitely not my type. And he kept excluding her which I thought was very rude. I wish my hubby coulda been there with me. It was a very nice meal.
I feel really fortunate that I have a job where I get to travel and experience new things. But, I always get a little sad when I realize that my Prince Charming can't share the experience with me. Maybe when the boy has left home, he can start traveling with me. That would be awesome.
I also had the best glass of red wine I've ever had the pleasure of tasting. I'm going to see if I can find a place to obtain it.
Fun @ The Gym
I was really bored today so I decided to go to the gym and have a little "fun". I can't remember the last time I lifted weights. All I remember is that it was the night before my first 10 mile long run. I'm sure I can look at the training schedule and figure it out, though.
Anyway, it felt wonderful. It was weird how I can run for three hours, but I can't spend more than 25 minutes on the stationary bike. That bike and I have a love-hate relationship, anyway. I went and did an easy session on my favorite weight machines and it felt really really good to do it, again. After that I decided to get on the treadmill and just do an easy walk for a few minutes. Well, the walk was only at 3.4 MPH, but I had the incline set to 6.5. Woohoo. It was a lot of fun to do whatever I wanted, just because I wanted to do it, without having to worry about how it is going to affect my marathon training.
I discovered that I have developed some weakness in my knees/legs that wasn't there before. The area right below my knee cap on both legs. While on the leg press, and at a 110 degree angle, or less, I felt weakness in that area. Above 110 degrees, it was fine--strong as could be.
My new exercise plan is formulating in my mind. Balance (as in not lopsided; I'm not talking core strength, here) will be my theme. And I think I want to go to the gym at least one day a week at 5:30AM to take that core class with the instructor that I loved. She no longer does evening classes. That was a great class. She e-mailed me wondering why she hasn't seen me in so long. :)
I took a sneak measurement of my waist and hips this morning. I haven't lost any weight this month and I was hoping for at least a small measurement change, in the proper direction. It didn't look promising. :( But, we will see come Sunday. I still have another seven days to make a change. On a more upbeat note, this will be the first holiday season
EVER that I did not
GAIN weight. And I ususally gain that seasonal 10 pounds that everyone else seems to find, too. Go me.
So, tomorrow, we will have a very small Christmas dinner--just the three of us. Mashed potatos, green bean cosserole, veggies, biscuits, my son wants a ham (yuck) and the hubby wants cranberry sauce (ewww). Should be pretty easy for me to keep the food consumption in check tomorrow. The alcohol consumption, however, will be a different story. LOL. The tree gets removed tomorrow, as well as all other signs that an American consumer-driven, religously void, meaningless Christmas faux-celebration happened in this house.
The gym opens at 3:00 tomorrow and I plan on being there shortly there-after to get my "recovery run" of 6 to 7 miles in. Happy days!!! Then life will be all back to normal (except then those damned resolution-ers will be flooding my gym for the next 30 to 60 days).
Not An Athlete
I've decided that I am not an athlete. I will never be an athlete. I just don't have "it" in me. I am a fair-weather recreational runner who gets off on beating myself, not other people. Hell, I don't even like to keep score when I am playing scrabble.
What led to this epiphany, you may be wondering? Ah, yes...the long Saturday run this morning. Allow me to preface this whole whine-session with the fact that I have allergies and I refuse to take pills to help control my allergies on a regular basis. I take them for crisis management, only. And what a crisis it was!
So, I go out for the 13.3 miler this morning. I felt awesome. I wasn't even close to being the last person and even the first few miles, which are usually pretty hard for me, were great. I was ahead of my target pace at the half-way point and feeling rather happy with myself. All was well until about mile 8 (or so) when I turned east onto the highway feeder road and almost got knocked over with the wind. Now, I don't play in the wind, because I know what it does to me. But, lets face it: when you go out for an out-and-back run, you just have no choice but to keep going. You can't turn around, you know? There was no noticeable wind present during the first 8 miles (a front was coming through). The weather forecast showed rain, not wind. Had it shown wind, I wouldn't have gone.
I tried to run through the wind but my allergies just went insane and my nose wouldn't stop running and I started wheasing after about 20 minutes. So, in order to even make it back to my damned car, I had to walk those last five miles. GAWD THAT SUCKS! My body is not conditioned to walk for that length of time. By time I got home my face was completely stopped up and I could barely breathe. It took three hours to get my breathing back to normal. I seriously thought I was going to have to go to the emergency room.
Okay, I'll stop bitching now. With that experience under my belt, I'm sure I'm not cut out for this race stuff. If you want to race, you have to be prepared to run the race under all circumstances. I'm not willing/able to do it. I am going to be a fair-weather runner. If the conditions outside do not suit me, I will not go. And that is just going to be how it's going to be. With that said, I'm not sure if I am going to continue to train with my group, or not. I've been getting up at 5:30AM every Saturday since August and sleeping in, for once, sounds like a great idea. While I think it would be a good challenge to run 18 miles, I just don't know if I'm up for it.
I am going to re-evaluate all this after I have completely recovered from the run and the allergy attack and can look at it more objectively. It will probably take two days to get myself back to a state of homeostasis!
CalorieKing shows I ran for 330 minutes this week. WOW! That's damn near 6 hours! I rock.
1/10th
Okay, so I vowed that I would make it to an all-time new low weight for myself this week. I made it by 1/10th of a pound. LOL. Not *exactly* what I had in mind, but still a success. It is water because my sodium intake has been high the last two days. Eating has been good, overall, this week. I expect to see 256 or 257 on the scale after my run tomorrow morning (or even when I get home tonight). Lots of water for me today.
The run last night was another incredible run. It felt sooooooo good. I wish all my runs were that great. I got the treadmill up to 5.5 MPH (10:55 pace) for a few minutes and it felt great. It literally made my body feel better running at that pace. I have something else to work towards now! My heartrate was also pretty low yesterday. Stayed under 164 the whole time. That tells me it is time to increase the pace. I am going to get more time in at that pace over the next couple of weeks and see how it goes. Man, it felt good.
I'm also teaching myself how to walk faster. We had this really old guy come to our group one Saturday and showed us how to walk fast (without hardly breaking a sweat). He
walks marathons at an
8:30 pace!!! Can you believe it? I saw him walk right by me as if I was sitting still that Saturday during our run. He was as skinny as a rail, too. He must've had muscles because he was moving, but he sure wasn't made up of much! It was amazing. So, I was walking yesterday at 4.0 MPH during my walk breaks and my heartrate slipped to 138 after just one minute! It's incredible. It doesn't do too much for you on the cardio level, but if you need a break during your run, you might as well keep moving as fast as you can. Hell, I remember when running at 4.2 MPH used to get my heartrate over 170, not too many months ago. That race-walking is pretty neat. 'cept you look real funny doin' it! LOL.
Alright, time to do something else besides blog. I don't have any work to do until 10:30 this morning. It's only 8:47. :sigh:
Cool It or Blow It?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know...
This indecision's bugging me
If you don't want me, set me free
Exactly who'm I'm supposed to be
Don't you know which clothes even fit me?
Come on and let me know
Should I cool it or should I blow?
This song has been playing off and on in my head all day long today. Mix it with some ugliness at work this morning. Not feeling so happy about the current workplace. Shit happens and we're all stressed out here, though! No worries, right? Right.
Can't wait to get my stressed-out ass on the treadmill tonight. That is the great destressor in my life--intense exercise. That, and intense sex. :evil grin: Maybe both will be required tonight
PLUS an intense drink! I'm fond of intensity in all things, though. Passionate about life, intense in emotion, deliberate in action, focused, driven, intentional existence. That can end at any random, haphazard, unintentional time... he he. I love the contrast.
I'm also looking forward to the 13 mile run this weekend. It's going to feel awesome. Then an 18 miler to finish the year! Woohoo. If we end up moving back to Dallas I probably won't participate in the Austin Marathon. I'll hook up with a different group up there and train for something that is local. Moving, starting a new job, and enduring the last leg of training for a marathon doesn't sound like a very user-friendly combination! But, we'll see. I lack common sense sometimes when reaching for my goals.
Here We Go Again
"The Guy" called me this evening. After a few minutes of small talk he says, "Tell me how much money you need to move." Oy.
I really expected him to do this. I was hoping he wouldn't, just to make this easier on me. I told him how much I needed. He is going to get something in writing to me tomorrow.
On the one hand it is nice to be wanted this badly. I have to say I have gotten quite used to it and am not enamoured with it, anymore. I know I am good at what I do. I know it is hard to find good people in this field. On the other hand, I would like my life to be calm for a long period of time and do not want to move and change companies. However, I do want to go back to Dallas and working from home is the most awesome thing in the world! "The Guy" and I have a great, long-term relationship as well. We met back in 2002 and we instantly liked each other.
Decisions, decisions.
What am I supposed to do with this???
Ramblings
I will be so happy when Christmas is over. "The Guy" called me on my drive home last night and offered me the job in Dallas for the salary I wanted. I turned him down because we just don't have the money to move right now. He was disappointed. I feel relieved. I hope he doesn't call me back to offer me money to move because I would probably do it and I just want my life to be comfortable for a while. I may have made a mistake, but if you don't have the money to move, you really can't do anything with that.
The gifts I oredered online are arriving now. I'll have to wrap them all this weekend. Hubby is excited about the new Rocky moving coming out today and he wants to go to the theater to see it. The boy wants to go see Charlotte's Web at the theater so I think we are going to go see two different movies at the theater this weekend. Except hubby will be in one theater and the boy and I will be in another. Oh well. I never want to go to the theater so I am going to support them.
I am just a half pound away from my pre-thanksgiving weight. My Mom's care package of home-made Christmas goodies came while I was gone. I tried a piece of fudge, a spritz cookie, and the banana bread. It tasted horrible to me--all of it. I know it's not her cooking, either, because I've always loved her care package. Good thing the boys love it, or it would be sitting in the office kitchen right now. She would be heart-broken if she knew. I won't tell her. Maybe I can just encourage her to keep sending us less and less each year.
Next year we are going to hide from Christmas, completely. I wanted to take a cruise this Christmas, but with the job loss, it just couldn't work out. I'll make it work next year. This sucks and makes me very unhappy. Just a few more days and it will all be over, again.
Joy
I love my career and the company I work for.
I love that I get to travel.
I had an awesome day with the client in Houston today and I had a great evening with an old friend and her new husband. I had breaksfast at this little cafe with my family early this morning, drove four hours from San Antonio to Houston, worked until 4:30, checked into my hotel, battled Houston traffic for over an hour, had dinner with my friends, came back to the hotel and unpacked, then went to the fitness center and ran four miles. Wow. And I'm still awake?!?!?!
Awake and happy as a clam. :)
I do need to get in bed, though. Gotta be up for breakfast at 6:00 then come back to the room to check office voicemail, e-mail, and to book my time from today. Phew...makes me tired just thinking about it all. Love it love it love it.
I've been recording my food and exercise on CK, again. More out of curiosity of the changes, but a little just to check myself in light of the stalling weight. My net calories are all over the place. Up super high one day, down really low the next. It is averaging out about where I thought it should, though. Maybe slightly higher than I'd like it. Note to self to get that fixed up!!!
Nitey nite.
Reconciliation
Today was the day to reconcile the last 20 hours of cash freely flowing from my account. :sigh:
Should I be happy because I didn't use any credit? Or sad because I had to pull from savings? Either way I spent more than I had hoped. (But, honestly, if I didn't have a lot of travel expenses coming up in the next two weeks, I wouldn't have had to take money from savings. It is a temporary loan to my company.) LOL. My son and I had a great time shopping so I guess I could honestly say it was worth it.
After spending yesterday looking for new clothes for the boy, I decided that I did not want to shop for his Christmas presents in all the different stores I'd need to go to. I promptly got on Amazon last night and found most of what I wanted to get for him. I made a quick trip to Target this morning and found the rest (the rest was available on Amazon, but couldn't be shipped in time). Christmas shopping is done. We only buy for him. Not each other and no other family or friends since we don't even really like all this crap, anyway. We just do it for the boy.
I treated all of the leather and vinyl in the car this afternoon. The interior is black so it shows dirt easily. But, it looks gorgeous right now. Our other car had black fabric interior and, while we liked the black, the fabric absorbed spills and required too much care to keep it clean. So far, I am very happy with our choice this time. I travel to Houston tomorrow and I like to take road trips in a clean car.
My weight has been all over the place since Thanksgiving. I was verrrrry happy to jump on the scales this morning and see that 260 number, again. It's been up as high as 266, lately. But I knew it was mostly a water issue. I suspected I may have added one, maybe two pounds at most since Thanksgiving so I did not freak out at the 266. I'm expecting to reach a new low by this Friday.
I still have much to do today so I better get to it.
Another Great Run
The 10 mile "recovery" run this morning was absolutely amazing. I haven't finished a run feeling this invigorated for a while, now. It was pure joy (well, the last 6 or 7 miles, anyway). I forgot to look at my watch when I finished so I have no idea what my pace was. I don't even care!
I've been noticing that the first 3 to 4 miles of my long runs are the hardest for me. I have to really push myself mentally to get through them. But, once I find my groove it is complete enjoyment. I also think I figured out why I get weird muscle aches when running on the treadmill. I try to hold my pelvis in a certain position and hold my abs in in order to work on my form. I think when I do this, I am not allowing my mid-section to move efficiently and I get muscle cramps. I am less concerned with my posture during my long runs and I don't have these problems. So, I am going to ease up on the posture training and maybe just focus on one thing at a time, rather than everything. Straightening out my pelvis is probably more important than lengthening my pose at this point.
There are only
8 weeks of training left! I can hardly believe it. And, I've only missed one long run since training started in August, due to illness.
I was trying to organize some paperwork and came across the sheet that recorded our time for the 3 mile pace run back in August, when training started. It took me 46:56 minutes to complete the pace run!!! That is something like a 15:32 pace! Wow. I am sitting at about a 12:00 pace right now. The body is an amazing thing.
Today the kiddo and I have a date. Since he is going to be going to public school when school resumes, we need to get him some non-uniform clothes. And, we are going to have lunch together. I usually enjoy our date days and I'm hoping it will be okay today, even though we have to shop; which is an activity that he
DOES NOT like to engage in. I'm going to keep my eye out for a sweater, too. :) A little something for Mom is allowed, once in a while. LOL.
Coupons
I made it to JC Penney yesterday and ended up with panties and a new pair of cheap pajamas. They did not have any sweaters that appealed to me. I bought a size XL pajamas that were wrapped up in those gift-set type packages with a bow and everything. I was counting on them running small and shrinking (because they were so cheap) so I didn't buy a Large. I put them on last night and I was swimming in them. They must be a 1X or 2X, easy!!! I am
hoping that they will shrink (alot) in the wash. I was really disappointed. The huge discrepancies in sizes will take a little more getting used to, obviously! At least they were soft. I've missed having jammies. I love 'em. But, the frugal side usually overrides my love of soft pajamas. Four pair of panties and a new set of pajamas set me back $23 with my coupon. WooHoo.
PCOS Info
I had my meeting with the reproductive endocrinologist this afternoon. He was a really great guy, but seemed bored. We had an hour long meeting and a quick exam. He says that the number of people with my condition who are able to lose weight on their own are so small that they really don't have any information on it.
We talked about the metformin and my concerns with how that will interfere with my athletic endeavors. He said he has no data to offer me on that because virtually all people taking that pill lead sendentary lives and agreed that it may have a negative impact on how my body utilizes carbs while running. My bloodwork came back awesome last month and he said that with those kinds of cholesterol and blood sugar numbers, combined with the signifcant weight loss, that he sees no reason to put me on it. Yay!
Apparently, people with PCOS who take that pill are 15% less likely to develop type II diabetes. But that does not take in to account any kind of lifestyle change. So, he says that while it is still possible for me to develop insulin resistance because of the PCOS alone, that I am lacking all of the other risk factors, considering I continue my current lifestyle and weight loss. That pill scared me so I am so happy that he doesn't think I need to be on it. He does want me on birth control and the spironolactone that my primary care doctor put me on. He says that in two years I should she a significant reduction in the "cosmetic problems" caused by PCOS.
TWO YEARS?!?! And, since I am still losing weight, he says there is a chance that once I get to a healthy weight that the ovaries will behave almost normally because the excess fat makes them more active metabolically. That is exciting to me. I was hoping to hear that. I don't want to take any pills. He wants to see me again in four months to see how the condition behaves once I've lost more weight. I wonder who is doing whom a favor here??? LOL. I'm okay with mutually beneficial!
Overall, very good news. He seemed like he was very well educated with the condition. He even helped me find cheap meds. We've decided to drop our $7,000 per year group insurance policy through work and bank that money, instead. So, I wanted to make sure, before we dropped it, that it makes sense financially.
I bet you we haven't spent $7000 in medical/dental expenses in 5 years combined. In that time, we will have $35,000 in savings. Even if we spend $7,000, we still net $28,000. I can't imagine any normal thing that comes our way over the next few years will cost us that much in medical expenses!!! The boy is covered under a seperate policy, so we are going to try to go 2007 insurance free and see how it goes. We can always re-enroll next year if we find it doesn't work. I'm pretty sure we can get individual catastrophic-type plans that will ony be a hundred, or so, per month if we feel like it. And, the doctor told me that our county has a medical program in place for uninsured people. I'm sure it would be fun to go to those facilities--not! But, it doesn't sound too risky, overall. We shall see!
Tonight I am aiming for 7 miles on the treadmill. Hope I don't get any weird muscle pains. I wonder why that happens?
Secret
'The Guy" has a five month project looking like it is going to come through in Dallas. And another four month project in the area after that. He asks me that if that five month project comes through, would I be willing to come on board. I told him that if my current emplyer will not allow me to work remotely then I will take him up on his offer. He will find out on the 19th if he will get that project. My only requirement was that he enough work to really keep me busy. He says he wants to get out of the technical role and get into technical sales because the company sells more when he does that.
So, we are going to hang tight. If it looks like a move back home is in the cards for early 2007, then I will probably choose to leave my son in the private school until we move. No sense changing school twice in three months, you know? Our tenants move out in February. The timing seems like it would be perfect.
My hubby really wants to go back. I know if I asked my son, he would tell me yes and ask when we were moving.
On a lighter note, my 16W/18 slacks are beginning to feel very comfortable on me. The waist on the 18's is still a little-tiny bit on the snug side. Most of the fat that is left is residing in my middle. That makes the lower hip and thigh area on my slacks loose and the waist tight. Ugh. I have to admit that the 16W fits better than the regular 18 all over; larger in the waist and smaller in the hips and thigh. I could probably get in to a 14W at this point. That is very exciting to me.
It's nice to be in comfortable slacks again. I bought them snug so that I wouldn't have to replace them so soon. They've been in lessening degrees of tolerableness since I bought them. And I can still wear them for at least another 15 or 20 pounds from now. Gotta get my money's worth at the expense of comfort! LOL. Just like me...I wouldn't expect anything less of myself.
But! I got a coupon in the mail for $10 off at JC Penney. I've always loved sweaters and I now don't have any. So, I am going to "spluge" and buy myself a sweater, only if I can find one at that store. And you know what? It is going to fit me perfectly NOW, not four weeks from now. Go me! But, if I can't find one I will use the coupon for more panties. I'm still experiencing a panty shortage since ridding myself of all the old big ones. Poor prince charming has to do laundry twice a week for me, now!
Speaking of panties, I want very much to shop at Victoria's Secret. I probably could right now, but I will not spend that much money on temporary lingerie. That is the "one" thing I am looking forward to most about reaching my goal weight. Shopping spree at Victoria's Secret! I've always wanted cute matching bras and panties. I've never had that--ever. In fact, I should sign up to get their catalog in the mail, if they do that. That would be a constant reminder of my reward.
Funny how the most important
material thing about reaching my goal weight will only be seen by me. I'm the only one who will know I have on a really cute bra with matching panties. LOL. I'm strange. But, perhaps that is why I have been successful at losing so much weight? I really am doing this completely for myself. Not to impress anyone else. Not so hubby has a hottie on his arm (even though that is a nice side effect). For me. For my cute panties. For the body I can look at in the mirror (with or without said panties) and mold and sculpt to my liking.
Just Tuesday
"The Guy" that asked me how much money it would take for me to move back to Dallas called me this evening while I was at the gym. His voicemail message said: "Cindy, you bitch, call me. This is 'The Guy'." LOL...Gawd that man kills me. Before anyone gets upset, I deserve it. I am way uglier to him than he is to me. :) He knows I'm good, I know I'm good. It's all good.
I ran 6 miles tonight on the treadmill. I'm not sure what it is, but I seem to get side pains and shin pain when I try to run too long on the treadmill. I have never been able to go more than 6 or 7 miles on the thing. I psyched myself up to get to 15. I seemed to have plenty of energy left for it, but the side and shin pain just got to be too much. I don't have these problems on the road. Oh well. This saturday is 10 miles then we go 13 then 18 then another taper, then our last build up to 21 miles. Then taper for the marathon. I've decided that I am going to wait until the 18 mile run to decide if I am actually going to run the marathon, or not.
I am traveling to New Orleans the day afer Chrstmas for three days. I've never been to New Orleans and I know that area is still under reconstruction. I wonder what it will be like out there? Anyone out there ever been there and know of some good (as in yummy AND healthy) places to have dinner?
Off to bed for me. Toodles.
The Road To Hell
Is paved with good intentions. And I just laid yet another pavestone in that path. :evil:
The run? What run? What are you talking about? I said beer, buffalo wings and pizza, not a 3 hour run. Do I hear 2,000 calories? 3? I'm going to take the midle ground and guess 2,500.
But, wow. It was great. And I'll be so sick to my stomach for a few days. I think losing 90 pounds in 2006 is quite an achievement. I'll go with that. That 100 is just too far away, now, after tonight. LOL.
The bank screwed me, as I thought they might. We decided a couple of months ago to leave Bank of America. I can't wait until we can close those accounts out completely. My hubby wants to kick their ass. We get to pay a late fee that we don't deserve to pay. Merry fucking christmas, Cindy.
15.53 Miles
Tonight? The cold is confined to my face and I do not feel it any longer in my chest. I'm thinking about attempting the 25K at the gym tonight. Crazy? No voting allowed. LOL.
If I do it, I will have to come right home to get in bed by 9:30PM. I'll be soo wiped out, anyway. Might be a good thing. Go home, change, go to the gym, run for three hours, go home, shower, sleep. A plan???
My prince charming and I decided that our son is not going to continue going to the private school. There aren't any others I'm willing to shell out good money for. So, he is going to try public school. He seems very excited about it because he will get to go to school with all of his friends from the neighborhood. He can also walk to school. It is a three minute walk from our front door. I hope this works out. I just want to do the right thing for him.
My leasing company called this morning looking for the rent. Eeek. That was a horrible phone call. The guy seemed pretty nice but I've never paid my rent late and I felt like a scumbag. I promptly called Bank of America at noon. They tried to call the leasing company and they were gone for lunch. Oy! They did tell me, though, that if the leasing company refused to reverse the late fees, that the bank would pay them. That made me feel better. I'm still going to have a big, ugly black mark on my rental history, though. I suppose it won't matter when we buy a house, next. Or, does the mortgage company check too? Oh, no. That would suck, if they did.
Does this mean that I will have to DRIVE my rent check to the leasing company from now, on? OMG. That would really suck, too. Why can't they just debit my account for it and absolve me of all responsibility except earning the money. LOL. Yeah, they should do that. I'd even pay a small fee for that service! Are you reading this, my little leasing company??? JUST DEBIT MY ACCOUNT! :)
Yesterday was my obligatory day trip to Dallas. I had dinner with my Dad, afterwards, though. It's nice to see him. I love my car. It has a Bose sound system and I have that thing turned up loud and proud for all those 300+ miles. I enjoy making that trip now because the car is VERY comfortable, I can rock out all the way up and back and it is some nice alone time, too. I turned the heated seats on low, cranked the music up and just sat in complete contentment for 4.5 hours. Here are some of the artists I listened to:
Blue October
Beck
Coldplay
Nickelback
System of a Down
Sigur Ros
Limp Bizkit
Sara Brightman
Cranberries
Alanis Morisette
Muse
Sheryl Crowe
I listened to the Blue October CD twice...in a row. :) Love it. I think Muse is one of those up-n-coming groups. They remind me of Queen, only they rock more. Very theatrical pieces and they are just very complex, rich and full sounding. Sigur Ros is a group from Iceland. Their lyrics are not in English, but it just great music to listen to. Different, interesting, calming. I listened to them after System of a Down. You almost need a sedative after listening to that group. I like to imagine what the lead singer of System of a Down looks like when he is performing on stage. I imagine he has bulging veins on his forehead, his eyes are about to pop out of his head, and his face is all red...like he is going to pass out after every line of lyrics. LOL. If you haven't heard this group, you have to listen to their song B.Y.O.B. They have some others that are just as entertaining, but that is a great song. I prefer the R rated version. It's just funnier. And then, there is Limp Bizkit's remake of George Michael's "Faith." That is the only song we have by them. Funny funny funny. That's a good one to cue up after B.Y.O.B. Ha!
I guess I have babbled enough for today. Lunch is over and I have to call the bank, again.
So Sick
I'm so incredibly disappointed. I developed the chest cold that my son had been battling all week. I was out to do my 25K this morning and I just couldn't breathe. I was so angry at myself and upset. I only made it about 3 miles and had to turn arund. I wanted to cry and I am still very upset about the whole thing. I guess I looked/sounded pretty bad because the assistant coach insisted on walking back with me. That made me feel even worse. Not only did I wreck my benchmark run, but someone else's too. Not acceptable.
The self talk going on when I was struggling to breathe would have made a drill seargent tremble. I am very hard on myself. Failure was the main theme going through my mind. I was lookng in the mirror before I got in the shower this morning. I feel horrible about my body. I didn't lose any weight this week. I just feel bad.
And, I found out that the leasing company never got my rent check. I use online banking to pay my bills and I received a letter that said I owe $144.50 in late fees because I didn't pay my rent. Bank of America took the money out of my account on the 3rd. It was due on the 5th. I can't pay the rent myself because Bank of America has my rent money. The meeting with my son's school went horribly yesterday, as well. I have never "met" for an hour and had absolutely nothing discussed. We are disappointed with the school's response. They clearly do not have the children's best interest at heart with the decisions they are making. Money money money. There don't seem to be any better private school options available, either. I'm just not capable of feeling anything about either of these two huge problems right now.
I want to try to get my 15.5 miles in sometime this week. I feel like if I don't/can't reach this milestone that I won't be able to complete the training, or the marathon. Failure...
Options
So "he" calls me back and asks me how much money I need to move back to Dallas. :sigh:
Fun
Lots of fun last night. Some good drinks and some good food. That man is crazy and a lot of fun to have dinner with. I don't know how his wife puts up with him, though. LOL. I'd love to see those two in the same room together. That would be something.
Having dinner with him put my current position into perspective. He thinks I am crazy for wanting to move back to Dallas. He showed me around the city some last night and gave me some great ideas on places to go. He went to college here so he knows about the night life. He had some good points. Speding a few hours with him also made me appreciate my employer more, too. We have a very structured organization and I don't have to get involved with the crap that I am not good at dealing with. That is someone else's job. I would lose that by working for him. But, I would regain the ability to work from home. I loved working from home. Those were the best years of my life, so far.
But, we'll see how everything goes. We have a meeting with my son's school tomorrow afternoon. We are meeting with the headmaster and the senior pastor. Too bad his teacher can't be there, too. I think it would be important to have the teacher's perspective. It makes me sick to think that I even have to do this, anyway.
I forgot to weigh myself this morning. It'd probably be up, anyway, because I ate soo late and had three drinks. Lots of water for Cindy today. I didn't eat breakfast due to the very late dinner, but I have my lunch safely hidden away in my desk drawer. I'll actually get to have lunch for the first time this week. Woohoo!
I got the map for our 25K run this weekend. I'm a little nervous, I admit. Will I be able to do it??? That will be about
3 hours running!!! OMG. I think I can I think I can I think I can...
People Suck
You know, I think the universe just doesn't want me to eat. I go in to the lunch room just now to eat my salad and the damned thing was sitting in the trash can. If it ain't yers, keep yer mutha-fuckin' hands off of it! I guess I wasn't hungry, was I? Fucking people...
Running On "E"
My run last night was awesome. I wasn't able to make it anywhere near 9 miles, but the 4 that I did do were great. I started running out of gas the last 1/2 mile and decided to call it a day. I felt fabulous, though. My speed was up, my heartrate was down, and I just felt "good" even though I was sick and hadn't eaten all day.
I only had one manicotti for dinner and 1/2 slice of pumpkin log before bed. I probably didn't even eat 1,000 calories yesterday. I missed breakfast this morning. I wasn't hungry and I had to go to the store to get my sick boy some medicine before work. I will eat my salad for lunch because I am starting to get hungry.
My weight was 260.3 this morning. Woohoo. 5 pounds of yuck gone from my system in two days. I knew I really didn't eat bad enough to gain real weight. I suspected I just held steady, which seems to be pretty accurate. I'm going to lose this week, though.
I talked to a colleague of mine last night. He is in the same business I am in and I used to do some work for him a few years back. We have always gone back and forth about him hiring me. We talked about it again last night because he told me his marketing person is badgering him to go back into the Dallas market. He is refusing because he doesn't have anyone there. I told him that I missed living up there and was considering talking to my employer about moving back and working remotely. He said that he would hire me if he decided to go into that market.
We are meeting up for a couple of drinks tonight. We'll probably talk some more about the possibilities. I really like the company I work for, so I will definitely give them the opportunity to continue my employment remotely, if I decide to go back to Dallas. If they do not want another remote employee, it is nice to know that I will probably have a job if we still want to go back. Either way, I enjoy his company and it is nice to go have a drink, or two, with him every now and then. He cracks me up. He is an ass, but I've always found that quality quite endearing in people that do not live with me. LOL.
I found out this morning that my project in Nacogdoches is kuput. The clients, apparently, absolutely raved about me but the software just isn't a good fit. It makes me feel a little better knowing that they still think very highly of me, and my company, but I still feel bad about the whole thing. A certain salesman and his boss (who is one of the owners) will not be happy when they return to the office.
Seems like today is going to be pretty busy for me. Better get back to it.
Life
I have been feeling unsettled today. I am very unhappy with my son's school, the real estate market out here, the fact that we have just ONE grocery store chain in an entire city of
1.4 MILLION people, I miss being close to my Dad and the weekend dates my husband and I used to enjoy while my son stayed with my Dad, the option to shop at more than one grocery store.
I want to move back to my house in Dallas. However, I love my job and the people I work with here in San Antonio. Damn it. I need to live authentically. Be true to who I am. I feel kinda lost, like I am living part of my life not being true to myself. I need to fix it. What is "it" though?
"It" is not my job. "It" is not my car. "It" is not my bank. "It" is not my husband/son. "It" is not my gym. "It" is not my running.
"It" could be my house/neighborhood. "It" could be the church we visit. "It" could be this city, even though I think I like it here. "It" could be where I buy my food. "It" could be where my son goes to school. "It" could be my inability to get connected/establish roots here. What is it, exactly? Perhaps "it" could be that seasonal mood disorder, too? LOL. "It" could also be that damned cat that I love and hate all at the same time.
Maybe I am just getting sick? All I have eaten today are five ritz crackers with a little dab of peanut butter. I'm not even hungry, though. Hubby put the Kashi back in the box this morning and my salad is still in the fridge, untouched. I felt like I was getting a fever earlier. Not sure, though.
My weight was 263 this morning. Better than yesterday, but still too high! I still plan on trying to run 9 miles tonight. I'll go as long as I can then stop. Who knows...maybe I'll be able to run with no food all day and feeling crappy?
PTO Last Day
Mom is gone. We ate out EVERY SINGLE DAY. And for dessert? Cheesecake factory, godiva chocolates, starbucks. OMG. If I don't eat for another week it will be to soon.
The scale said 265 this morning. I know that it is not true weight gain because I didn't eat
THAT badly. I had actually planned on cooking all but the first night but Mom wanted to eat out. Ah, well. The diet gets cleaned up, and my body gets cleaned out, effective immediately. I have to run 39 miles this week. Woo, boy! That should kill about 2 or 3 lbs, alone.
The plan is to drink as much water as I possibly can today. Tonight we have salad for dinner. I still have 2/3 of a piece of lemon cake in the fridge to finish off. Maybe 1/3 tonight and 1/3 tomorrow? Small bowl of Kashi tomorrow morning (sans banana), salad for lunch, left over manicotti for dinner and as much water as I can get into my system.
Hopefully, come Wednesday, all that crap I ate will be gone from my system and I'll start feeling better. It is simply amazing how food can impact your quality of life so quickly.
As soon as the boy gets home from school we are all going to the gym. I have to run 7.5 miles today, 9 miles tomorrow, 7 miles on Thursday and we have a 25K (15.53 miles) this Saturday. Then, a few weeks of "recovery". :)
Only 11 more training weeks before the marathon!!!
