PTO Day 3
November Recap:
5.2 pounds lost
1.5 inches lost
Bottom line: nothing to write home about, you know? I am a little disappointed, but not surprised. While I haven't exactly abandoned my healthy lifestyle, the extra calories from cake and ice cream had increased dramatically in November. Playtime is over. No more.
I am going to lose those 9 pounds this month. Even if I only get down to 250.99 on December 31, I am going to make it.
I have been spending a lot of time in front of the mirror lately, trying to guess how much more weight I can lose. I'm still thinking 215 will be about my ideal weight. That would put me in a size 12 (or Medium), if I am guessing right. I just can't find more than 40 or so extra pounds of fat on my frame.
You know what? 90 pounds is a lot of weight! That is 18 bags of potatos that I am no longer carrying around on my body. Can you imagine having to carry 18 bags of potatos all at one time through your daily routine? That just blows my mind. 90 pounds doesn't seem like a big deal to me until I turn it in to 18 bags of potatos, or my son. But, my kiddo is built like me, so you wouldn't think he weighs 96 pounds by looking at him. One of my co-workers weighs 103 pounds and she just can't comprehend it. LOL. Of course, I can't comprehend weighing 103 pounds, either. :)
LifeTime Fitness has this magazine that they publish that you get in the mail every month. For the most part, I really enjoy the magazine. Sometimes, they get a little too "out there" for me, but not often. The quality of the information is usually pretty good, too. Anyway, the December issue came in yesterday and I started to skim through it. I found an editorial about how you need to celebrate your small fitness successes. This made me realize that I don't really celebrate my successes at all. I guess I don't feel like I need to. And that is true for every area of my life. I rememeber when I finished college that I didn't bother to go to graduation. When I got married, we never went on a honeymoon (or even had a wedding). And those are really big things.
I know I have made MASSIVE improvements in my life in the last 10 months. However, I still have huge goals to reach--like getting to a healthy weight and running the marathon in under five hours. I'm sure when I reach those goals, I'll have others and still will not do the obligatory celebration. It's just not in me.
Once I prove to myself I can do something I get bored with it and switch my focus to something else. I've proven to myself that I can lose weight so I am not really interested in it, anymore, or even feel like I have done anything great by losing weight. I'm sure I can run a marathon so I have lost interest in that accomplishment. But, I don't know if I can run a marathon in under five hours, so that has my attention right now. Once I am sure I can do it in under five hours, it will not seem like a big deal to me, either.
And so it goes in my mind....I'm not sure I will ever think anything I do is a big enough accomplishment worthy of fanfare. Afterall,
I was able to do it and there is nothing extraordinary about
me, right? Some things in life I will just not be able to understand. And that is okay. :) My Price Charming looks for as many reasons to celebrate as he can, so we are good for each other. Although, his celebratory events usually include food and drink. LOL. Have I mentioned lately how deeply I love that man? <3
Well, off to my busy busy day. Mom will be in tonight so I may not be back until Monday evening. Doh!
PTO Day 2
I am going to preceed the following rant with the disclaimer that I am a native Californian, and have nothing against people in that state.
Now, with that said, if you made a bunch of money in the CA real estate market lately, please keep your fucking money out of my state!!! People like me who have lived and worked on Texas wages and built equity in our Texas homes, cannot afford to buy homes when you people come into our state and drive prices through the roof!!!
I am disgusted by what $200,000 will buy me in San Antonio. My house in Dallas (That I paid $124,900 five years ago brand-new) is way nicer than anything I can build here for $200,000--because of CA money. Our wages here can't support those kinds of prices.
The state of the real estate market out here has determined that I will be buying a distressed property when my lease is up and I will fix it up, and not buying new. I seriously can't believe how bad it is. You would think it is San Diego out here, or something. Except the median wage is like $29,000 per year, not $129,000. Unbelievable.
I really didn't get too much done today, either. Groceries and panties were all I bought. I drove around looking at some new subdivisions going in, hence the rant above. I will be getting the house decorated tonight and the tree lit up and decorated. Tomorrow will be pretty busy. The most important thing I need to do (besides pick up Mom at the airport) is to get some gloves for my run. MUST GET GLOVES or my hands will literally freeze.
Since I mentioned running, my thighs have been sore since last Saturday's botched run. Yesterday my pace averaged
UNDER 12:00 PER MILE!!! I was sooo excited. I have been focusing a lot of my energy on getting my form perfect during my weekday workouts. This has resulted in a fair bit of abdominal muscle pain, as well. I am getting tired of the sore thighs, but I am very poud of my sore abs! I know that if I have sore abs that I ran well the day before. Bottom line is that I am thankful today is a no-running day. My body is feeling pretty beat up.
Oh yeah...that class that I was supposed to attend yesterday was a flop. You apparently need a heart-rate monitor for it. I don't have one and don't have plans to acquire one. They offered to let me use one of their "loaner" chest straps. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWW! How many people, exactly, have already sweated on that nasty thing??? Yuck yuck yuck!!!! I passed.
PTO Day 1
On the first day of PTO, I didn't really do too much. Which is exactly what I needed to do!
The short list:
Made my boy a hot breakfast before school
Got a long-overdue phone call handled
Hubby and I had lunch with the boy at school today
Added the new car to my insurance (wow, I procrastinated on that one!)
Got more sports drink
Bought a Christmas tree (the boy will be very excited)
Got the Christmas tree up, but still pruning (OMG, I love that smell!)
Running tonight and a light salad for dinner. Tomorrow night we will decorate the tree, I think. It's supposed to cool down quite a bit tomorrow which is good because it is hard to get in the Christmas spirit when it is 79 degrees outside.
Good news on the car front, though! My new car is worth over twice as much as the old one was and my policy only went up $1.50 per month. I have to admit I was a bit worried about that one!
I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I have to get our meals planned out for Mom's visit, get groceries, find gloves for my long runs on Saturday mornings, get all of the Christmas stuff out, and we'll see whatever else I feel like doing! I can do this stay-at-home mom/house-wife thing for about 5 to 10 days before I start to lose it. I'll enjoy it while it lasts!
PTO
Woohoo (I think)! I say "I think" because this may make me stir crazy. But......I do not have to be back to work until December 5th.
:)
The conference call never happened. The project is still very much in the air and it looks like we are going to spring $30K to $50K worth of custom modifications on the client and see how they like it. Eeeeek. I am just very thankful I do not have to be involved in that part of this mess. I promised to make myself available, should they need me at work for any reason, but other than that, I am free to do what I want.
I am going to take the next several days and focus on being a great mom and wife. I am going to have lunch with my son at school tomorrow and Friday. I am going to make my husband lunch and bring him his coffee in the morning. I love these boys and I want them to know it! :)
I have some things I can do around the house, too. I want to make hot meals every day I am home and bake cookies and christmas goodies with my boys in the evenings. Maybe we can play scrabble around a crackling fire when it gets cold later this week! I want to re-learn how to enjoy "boredom" (as I call it).
I figure, worse case scenario, I can go looking at houses if I need to get out. I want to see what is going up around us, and at what prices, so that we can start planning out our next purchase. I think I either want a new, customized house or an older distressed property--maybe a foreclosure. The older homes (1970's) have much more character and mature trees, but the new ones have exactly what you want and where. Both have up and down sides. I'm quite fond of those mid-to-late 70's mediterranean-style homes. Love 'em!!
Anyway...I went ahead and got my run in this evening, despite the pinched nerve problem. I decided to stretch that left hip flexor out really well and walked out the pain. That was the most excruciating five minutes in recent memory! The pain subsided right at the five minute mark and I went immediately into my run workout. This was supposed to be an easy recovery run so I set it at 4.9 MPH. My thighs are still very sore from Saturday and I didn't want to aggrivate that pinched nerve. The run was respectable, but slow. The hip pain came right back after I quit running. Damn.
Tomorrow is supposed to be intervals. One of the trainers at the gym that I have become acquainted with has been trying to get me to come to one of his classes (or whatever he calls it) that is designed to increase your speed and aerobic base. I told him last week that if he sees me at the gym this week, to remind me and I would come. He approached me tonight and wants me to work with him at 6:00 tomorrow. It is free, he is really nice, well educated, and (most importantly) very attractive...why the hell should I say no? LOL. Prince Charming said he was fine with having to wait for me to finish up with the trainer before we left the gym. I'll report back tomorrow. Worst case scenario I end up not getting my intervals, but have 60 minutes of intelligent eye candy, right? I'm okay with compromise! LOL.
Monday Monday
A pinched nerve near my hip flexor???? What? That's what it feels like, anyway. What a strange place to have a pinched nerve. How the hell did I do that?
No sleep last night. I had chocolate late last night (which ALWAYS keeps me awake) and that fucking animal...grrr. She likes to find a dark closet to sleep in all day long and then she wants to play all night.
We've been trying to keep all the closet doors shut during the day, but it's hard with the boy. She slept in his closet from about 11 Am until 9:30 PM yesterday. I wanted to throw her out in the garage sooo bad last night. But, I didn't. We've decided to close her up in the wash room every night for the next two weeks. There is nothing for her to do in there except sleep. Hopefully that will help get her schedule more in line with ours. I've never had a cat that was so hell-bent on being nocturnal. Usually they adjust within a few weeks.
I'm trying to pshyche myself up for getting a Christmas tree for the boy. I got the house all cleaned up yesterday and was pondering taking out the decorations...but, I just couldn't do it. I watched Project Runway on TV, instead. I hate watching TV. I don't understand, or care about, fashion. And, when I do watch TV, I wouldn't be caught dead watching something like that. Goes to show ya how much I don't want to decorate for Christmas, doesn't it? LOL. My husband was absolutely in shock when he found out what I was doing!!! He thought I was sick.
On the work front...I have none. I was supposed to be traveling to Nacogdoches today, but that doesn't look like it is going to happen this week. If it even continues, at all. The conference call from last week was rescheduled to this afternoon. This whole thing just upsets me, even though it has nothing to do with me. I take this stuff personally. I honestly have nothing to do with the reason why the project is falling apart, but I put so much of myself into what I do that I can't help but feel personally injured, I suppose, when the results are anything less than stellar. It's just who I am. Gotta deal with it and move on.
I still have almost 40 hours of vacation left this year. I was going to roll it over into next year, but I can't stand being at work with no work to do. Maybe I will take a day, or two, this week if the project cancels. That will help pass the time.
Nothing more to write (er, complain) about right now...
100 Club?
Soooo, I was thinking last night that if I can lose 9 more little measley pounds by the end of the year, that I can mark the end of 2006 by having lost
100 pounds! Then, I thought of Lisie's anorexia challenge (Hi, Lisie!). There are 5 weeks left this year. I think I can do this. That will be 100 pounds lost without any kind of drug, proceedure, weight-loss clinic, or anything.
Exercise and nutritional changes only.
I started off right this morning by having a breakfast of powdered donuts and milk. LOL. Yep, that should help get me there. :)
Seriously, though...my marathon training is really getting intense right now. From now until January I will be running between 30 and 45 miles per week. That, alone, will burn between 6,000 and 9,000 calories per week. Hell, 9 pounds sounds easy to lose when you look at it like that. All I would need to do is pick two weeks to be very low on my calorie intake and I would accomplish that goal! But, I must do it carefully because I can't screw up my running.
That would be exciting to reach that milestone before the end of the year. Goals are great. And I get VERY motivated to reach them, too. After all the food from last week, this week would be a good week to pick to go low on the calories. My body probably wouldn't even notice. Low for me would be 1,800 calories. Yes, that's the plan!
Wonder how many calories breakfast had??? According to CK, looks like about 650. Not too bad.
Lessons
I ran out of my sports drink mix this morning. I had enough for only 12 oz. I had a 12 mile run this moring. Woopsie. I would normally have around 50 oz. for a 12 mile run.
This was a great run, even though I completely ran out of gas the last two miles. I was forcing my body to run and I had a thought that this is probably how it feels at about mile 20 of a marathon.
So, it was a good lesson on two fronts. First, I must be more diligent about being prepared for my long runs. Second, even though I had no more gas left, I was able to talk myself into completing my run. My pace was 12:55. I was aiming for a 12:00 pace. But, considering the circumstances, I am happy that it was still under 13 minutes and that I finished. I was at an 11:45 average pace at mile 6 and feeling great--with a negative split planned. Ah well. Maybe next weekend!
When I hopped on the scale this AM, I was at 265! I left two pounds of me out on the road and was at 263 when I got home. My hands are bloated and my face is puffy so I know most, if not all of the 6 lbs I gained since Thursday AM, is just water. I can feel the bloat (and see it).
I found out over the holiday that my Dad (who was a raging alcoholic for his first 30, or so, years of his life) didn't go to AA like I thought he did. I knew the military made him spend 30 days in a rehab hospital, but I thought that he went to AA for several years after he was released. (I was was about 8 or 9 when he went in.) Anyway, he said he just decided to quit drinking when he was in the hospital and when he went to AA, they accused him of minimizing his addiction, so he quit going. LOL. That is VERY similar to my experience in OA (and Alanon). I went to a few meeetings and figured that I really didn't have a big problem. They said I was in denial. :)
I guess it (the ability to just make a decision and stick with it) runs in the family. I never knew. I know I am a lot like my father, but I am finding out more and more as the years go on how much more alike we really are. Which is cool, because I really respect my Dad. Whenever my Mom (or my brother) says something about me being like Mom, or her side of the family, I cringe and try hard to never repeat the offending behavior, again! When Mom says I am just like Dad, I just smile. I also found out that my dear old Dad has been with
hundreds of women in his life. OMG! I knew he was a little wild but, but, but.....eeeeeewwww!!! LOL.
Anyway, much to do today. Hope whoever is reading this thing enjoys the loooong holiday weekend and stays far, far away from the shopping insanity!
Nice
It was just a really nice time with my dad and all these people I've never met before, and probably never will see again. I have never had such a
FANTASTIC Thanksgiving meal in all my 30 years. WOW!!!
The good, but very unexpected, news of the week is I lost over 2 lbs this week! I am down to 259. Which ties me for my lowest adult weight, however brief it was 10 years ago. It is not brief this time. It is permanent. And, I still have some more to go.
Tomorrow I have a 12 mile run. I am really really really looking forward to it. I feel like I have been full since Thursday and I'll be happy to re-aquaint myself with an empty stomach. Being hungry is a very good thing, sometimes!
YIKES! My mom will be here on Thursday evening. OMG. I haven't seen her since July 2004. We have issues and they have been resurfacing over the last few days in different ways at home. I've got to deal with this crap and MOVE ON for the love all things sacred. I'M A GROWN WOMAN. I SWEAR I AM. I HAVE MY OWN LIFE!!! Yeah....
Breathe, Cindy. Breathe.
Pre-Insanity
So today is the last day of normalcy for the year. Life, as usual, will be sorely missed! I'll be waiting patiently for your return in February! I won't forget you.
As I see it, I have about 5 more weeks to enjoy the gym. Come January 3rd, the gym will be over-flowing with resolutioners and I won't be able to get a decent spot on a treadmill. I just need to make it through to February and life will be normal, again, for ten more months.
My eating has not been great, lately. I can't call it bad, but I usually eat better than I have been for the last two weeks. I haven't gained weight, of course, but I am not seeing my usual drops. And I don't really care, either. I am going to start weighing-in and measuring just once per month--the last day. I still weigh myself every day, but I am going to quit recording it except for once a month. I'm going to shift all of my focus on my running.
Speaking of running, I had another excellent run last night. I got down to 11:18 pace and it didn't feel too difficult. I cannot sustain it for three hours, yet, but at least running at that speed with some semblance of comfort is a good sign. My HR got up to 170 after 30 minutes, which I believe is where I cross over into the anaerobic threshhold. My run last night varied from 4.9 to 5.3 MPH. With just three walk breaks. In June I was pushing myself at 4.2 MPH. I love pushing myself. I get a great deal of satisfaction by pushing boundaries. And no, it doesn't matter who's boundaries they are, or for what. :evil grin:
I don't think I'll be able to get my workout in on Thursday. If I can, I want to keep my pace above 5.0 MPH. I know my body can do it. No more runs under 5.0 MPH! Nope. None. It's officially
ILLEGAL. :)
It looks like my project in Nacogdoches may be coming to an end. At least for now. We had a
very long conference call with them yesterday and it seems there was a LOT that was not brought to the table during pre-sales. They are expecting to continue to function exactly the same as they were when the new software goes live. They are moving from a 20+ year old home-grown AS400 system to a window's based, one-size-fits-most business management application with no interruptions to their business and no additional brain power from their staff. All for $100K in 10 weeks. If it was PC to laugh hysterically, that would have been me.
One of my personal favorite complaints from their side was "there is so much data to get into the new system."
Really??? No, you
can't be serious! Did someone promise you the osmosis data conversion method where you just put the new server in the same general vicinity of your old one and the data will *poof* just be there in the new system? I didn't see the osmosis method on the contract. Damn that salesman. We told him the proceedure hadn't been priced out correctly yet and not to sell it.
O.M.G. Seriously, people! And you are all VERY seasoned executives??? Ah, yes...seasoned executives. That says it all right there, doesn't it? LOL.
Funny, though. The end users (aka, the people who are NOT executives) are all very excited about the new system and have been busting their butts to be ready for January 1. But, the people who actually use the system have absolutely no say in what happens, you know? They don't even get asked if they think it will work, or make their jobs easier. And that is the tragedy of business. I even shared a story with two of the executives about a company I used to work for that spent a great deal of money on a new system in their first step to modernize their operations. Management got in the way and was not in tune with what really goes on every day. They went bankrupt a few years later. Our client is ominously similar to the one that folded.
The term "business as usual" should never be uttered in any business. That one, and "we've always done it that way." Those two combinations of words will run you out of business better than anything else I can think of.
Ah well. Nuttin' I can do 'bout it except sit back and enjoy the ride....
Drudgery
So I found a reproductive endocrinologist to meet with next month. It was kinda difficult to find someone who would see me because I am
NOT trying to conceive. Most of them wouldn't see you if you didn't want to get pregnant. Oh well. The doctor is not an athlete. I had to drop that requirement in order to see a specialist, at all.
My project in Nacogdoches is beginning to bore me. There are unreasonable expectations we are dealing with from the client. I'm tired of having the same conversations every day about this client. I don't like Nacogdoches and hope to never go there again when this implementation is finished.
On a more positive note, my run last night was at a 12:15 pace. I am going to put everything I have into getting under that 12:00 minute mile mark this year. I'd also like to lengthen my walk breaks, or stop them completely. They are beginning to annoy me. Training training training. I can condition my body not to need them. Just gotta run through the burn. I like that burn, anyway. I think I'll start by increasing my speed to 5.1 or 5.2 MPH and then lengthen my walk breaks to every 12 or 15 minutes, instead of 8 or 10 minutes. Then, maybe late in December, I will knock the speed back to 4.8 or 4.9 MPH and do a couple of runs without a break, at all. If that goes well, I can work on getting my speed under 12:00 for the marathon. That would put me right under 5:30 for the marathon. Sounds do-able.
Unpleasantness
Decreased intestinal carbohydrate absorption
Decreased liver glycogen release
Renal failure
Lactic acidosis
Reduced B12 absorbtion
All this can be mine if I take that little metformin pill. Doesn't that sound swell? So, here is the plan: I am going to find a gyn. Dr. who specializes in reproductive disorders who is also athletic. I'm not game for taking something that is going to interfere with the way my body uses carbs. My diet is already too low in carbs, anyway. Not to mention being a vegetarian and prone to B12 deficiencies as it is! This is all wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. And all of this started because the bottle said I couldn't drink while taking this medication and that I should wear a medical alert bracelet. WTF???
One of my options is to get my
fucking ovaries removed. That sounds like the better alternative to me, at this point! Go under, get 'em out, carry on as before...
Well, enough 'bout all that unpleasantness. There is so much more unpleasantness to dwell upon! For example, the "holiday" season has, apparently, cast its ugliness upon our society, once again. I am, again, struggling to provide my child with a "normal" holiday experience devoid of any kind of meaning. I feel like a fraud putting up a Christmas tree (er, Holiday tree), buying christmas (I mean holiday) presents, and trying to be what I am not for...for his benefit??? I want it to be different this year. I don't want to be a phony. I'm sure he sees right through it, anyway. I do this to please my extended family. I feel like I am lying to him. So, I have no integrity. I wouldn't tell him the sky is really magenta, not blue. Why would I do this to him...for him? Not for him, for my family. I won't lie to him, under any other circumstance. Why this?
Very distrubing. I should really reconcile this now. Not next year. Quit procrastinating, Cindy.
Great Run
9 Miles this morning with my group. After the sun came out and started warming me up, it was an awesome run. I loved it. I felt like I could run forever today.
I have to admit that I was VERY touched by how many people in my group encouraged me to continue training for the Austin Marathon this week via e-mail. They all were hugging me this morning and, before we started our run as a group, they all were clapping for me. I totally wasn't prepared for that. Everyone who had experieced the two races before promised me that the Austin Marathon is organized so much better than the San Antonio Marathon and that I am not likely to experience that same problem in Austin. They all said the same thing. I may reconsider. Until I reconsider, however, I see no reason why I shouldn't continue to run with this great group of people!
I had some extensive bloodwork done a couple of weeks ago and I met with my doctor yesterday to go over the results. He called me a "poster child for everything to do right." I have never had a doctor say anything really encouraging about my health, in my previously morbidly obese state. Here is what I have done in six months with diet and exercise, alone:
Blood Pressure: then 86/156, now 73/134
Pulse: then 86, now 68
Cholesterol: then 60hdl, 149 ldl, 227 total, now 65 hdl, 84 ldl, 149 total
Fasting Glucose: then ??, now 84
Weight: then 310, now 262
Unfortunately, he said that I really need to quit ignoring my PCOS and take something called metformin, which is apparently some kind of diabetic drug, because my testosterone was at 90 and women are supposed to be at 75. I was really upset about that. I know what my condition is, but I do not understand why a drug for diabetes will help with the symptoms, especially with not having any blood sugar problems. I don't want to take it. I don't understand it. Why not put me on something that will lower the testosterone, instead? I mean, that is what causes all of the problems, anyway. He said that he is not a PCOS expert, but knows this is what people with it take. Not good enough for me. I never do anything just because everyone else does it.
So, I am crushed. I have to take diabetic medication. What are the long term problems with taking this pill, anyway? Will my body get used to it and stop being able to regulate my sugar without it? There is, apparently, nothing I can do naturally to fix this. Damned ovaries.
But, I am the healthiest I have ever been. There is something to be grateful for, I suppose.
I am going to relax and finish Fountainhead by Ayn Rand this afternoon. Then, I am going to nap. I am tired. The cat is still being a little obnoxious early in the morning, but it is because she is frolicking, not crying. I am systematically taking all of her fun away in our bedroom so that she will go elsewhere at 4:00AM to play.
Ouch!
From one of my training partners (just the important part of what she said):
"You're doing great, and I KNOW you've got the determination it takes to succeed. Please don't let your negative experience keep you from continuing- remember, like you told me a couple of weeks ago, when I told you I was thinking of shaving off some of the mileage on our weekly course, "the only person you're hurting by doing that is yourself!" We love you and we want to keep seeing you on Saturdays! You've come sooooo far - please don't quitnow!!"Damn...I
hate it when people throw my own words and logic back at me. What can I do with that except agree? I said it, afterall! Damn it damn it damn it!!!
Posterity
Too bad I can't buy a digital version of this pic. I probably would have. Ha! What a grin.
Missed It!
Damn...I was next-to-last in my category and 1647 out of 1684 half-marathoners. And I thought I was a little closer to the end. I couldn't even succeed at failing!
Half Marathon
And I actually paid $50 to do this?!?!?! Ha!!!
Miles 0 - 2, 12:30 pace, feeling good.
Miles 2 - 6, "If you can't keep up the pace, you need to move to the sidewalk" out of the loudspeaker of the police cruiser a few feet behnd me. For 4
FUCKINIG MILES I LISTENED TO THIS every couple of minutes.
Mile 6.5, I decided that I couldn't listen to it anymore, put on my iPod to my Opera music and became a sweaty tourist. I changed my goal to being the last one in my category to finish. I may have succeeded, here. I should go look.
Mile 9, I flipped off the camera guy who wanted to take my picture...with a big ol' smile on my face. I wonder if he actually took the picture? I can't wait to find out. I'll post it here, if he did. The other guys assisting him were laughing at me. This was the best part of the race.
Mile 13.1, 3 hours and 33 minutes later I finally get to
GO HOME! They were out of medals and the lady told me to call the race organizer to get one mailed to me. Yeah.......right. I'm all over that one!
So...I looked at the info about the race earlier this week. They said that the streets would be closed (police protection, they call it) for everyone with a 13:45 pace, or better. I figured it would be no problem for me. What I failed to consider, however, was that it took me two minutes to actually get to the starting line. Add two minutes to my 12:30 and it puts me over that 13:45 mark. Every time that asshole informed us that we'd have to move on to the sidewalk if we couldn't keep the pace, it made it harder and harder to keep going. After almost 50 minutes of being reminded how slow I was, I just couldn't listen to it, anymore.
I did not enjoy any aspect of that experience (except flipping off the camera guy). Going to pick up the race packet downtown, with heavy construction traffic, sucked. Getting parked downtown at 5:00 in the morning sucked. Using a porta-potty with urine on the floor sucked. All those people around me sucked. Crossing the finish line and having my pretty face displayed on a big screen in the Alamodome sucked the most. When I realized how many people were going to be watching me finish (on a big screen, even) I almost didn't finish the race. I was looking for any way out of it. I didn't even look at the camera guy at the finish line. I had my head down winding up my headphones.
That was horrible. I was bored after the first 2 hours (again).
You know, I never have enjoyed any kind of organized anything. Why did I think this would be different? Maybe because I just keep trying to be "normal". I'm just not the type that enjoys group activities. Even though running is a solitary endeavor, doing it with a group (especially a large group) just takes all the joy out of it.
Time to adjust my goals. Goals are a great thing. I have no desire, whatsoever, to ever run another race...ever...never. I miss my weight lifting.
Bib Number 2628
San Antonio Half Marathon...tomorrow morning. Wow.
Almost nine months ago to this day I was 340 pounds and barely able to walk on the treadmill at 2.8 MPH for 30 minutes. Here I am at 262 pounds prepared to run 4.9 MPH for almost 3 hours. Our bodies are amazing things.
I have a bib number pinned to my San Antonio Fit shirt. Me. *I* am participating in an athletic event! And I won't even be last!!! Not even close. It didn't really seem like a big deal to me, until just now. My borther-in-law asked me how many miles I will be running tomorrow and I said 13. He was in awe and said "Hell, I can't even run 13 feet," and we started laughing. Then I thought about it some more, and this kinda is a big deal. Not many people can do this. I
should feel something besides indifference.
And I do feel something besides indifference. I feel rediculous. LOL. I have consumed more carbs in the last two days than I think I do in any given week. It is just 13 miles. Why do I need to do this? I feel kinda stupid. But, I am going to play along because this is what I am told is the best thing to do. You wanna laugh at me? Okay, here you go. Here is what I have eaten:
Friday:
peanut butter sandwich
chunk of cake
shrimp enchiladas
mexican rice
tortilla chips
salsa
chunk of cake
Saturday:
chunk of cake
blueberry pancakes
two eggs
bowl of fruit
spaghetti
chunk of cake
mashed potatos (dinner later)
peas & carrots (dinner later)
more cake (before bed)
Sunday morning (planned):
cake (4:30 AM)
banana (4:30 AM)
peanut butter sandwich (6:00 AM)
Admittedly, I am taking this a little further than it was intended. But, I am doing it for entertainment purposes, as well. I have the whole family carbo loading and we are all getting a pretty big kick out of it. I mean, I can't just feed my kid cake for breakfast on any old day, right? LOL. And, who knows, maybe this really will benefit my race??? Yeah, right.
So, anyway, I have some more prep work to do for the race and I really need to get a little bit of the house cleaned. I'll update tomorrow, sometime after the race.
Out of Control...
...is the only way to describe my existence.
My home should be quarantined...
My child's grades are slipping...
I am paying some bills twice and others not at all...
I haven't made anything except salad, spaghetti and cereal in my home in months...
I have boxes that I still have not unpacked (from the move in MAY)...
I have more errands to run than time to run them...
I don't even remember the last time I just sat down and relaxed...
I have absolutely no control over anything in my life at the moment, except my health. God, help me!!! I need a plan. I need some help. I need to let go of some of my responsibilities. Too many irons in the fire....
Running Away
31.6 miles this week...that is the goal.
Monday: 6.5 Miles
Tuesday: 7 Miles
Thursday: 5 Miles
Saturday: 13.1 Miles
I was a little sore and stiff yesterday. Today I'm perfect. Tonight we go to the gym and I will run on the treadmill.
The cat is still making noise all night.
I am going to Nacogdoches tomorrow.
I really have nothing to talk about today.
I guess I am supposed to vote tomorrow. But, for the first time in my adult life, I just don't care and I don't want to vote for another leader who shouldn't be leading. Too bad they all can't be fired and we can't just start over.
Loyalty
Day trip to Dallas today (in the new car). Found out that my client, who specializes in high-end real estate, had half of her sales staff and her closest assistant of four years walk out on her and start their own real estate firm. Ouch. Unless you share her values and her work ethic, you will find her
very difficult to work with. We happen to share our high standards so we have a great relationship. Going on seven years, now? I see her as my mentor, in many ways, and I wish I could be the businesswoman that she is. Classy, beautiful, refined, elegant, graceful, wealthy, tactful, controlling and a 20-ton steamroller all rolled up in one relatively short, soft-spoken package. I admire her greatly and am quite fond of her, personally.
Anyway, I'm not surprised it happened, but it still sucks. I didn't have the heart to tell her she needed to find someone else to replace me. Loyalty is one of my greatest faults. It was going to be hard to do it, anyway. Now I just can't.
Good Run
12 miles, 2 hours 47 minutes. Can we say sloooooooow? Overall, it was a good run, though. The headwind on the last 6 miles really sucked. I got bored the last two miles and I was thinking to myself, "How in the hell am I going to do this for 26.2 miles if I am bored at 12 miles?"
However, that is not a worry for today. I can worry about that some other day. Next weekend is the half marathon and I am looking forward to it. It should be exciting.
I think today is new car day. We'll see...
Yup, it is!
'06 Nissan Murano SL (Touring Package)
Good bye piece of shit Pontiac, hello sexy!
My Boring Life
Last night's run was awesome. I lost 1.5 lbs and no inches this week. That will be my last check-in until the week of Thanksgiving because I will not be home on Friday mornings to weigh and measure myself.
I was reading information on preparing to run for the half marathon next Sunday. I have lots of nutritional recommendations and carb loading ideas. One thing that struck me as odd was that you should expect to gain between 2 and 4 pounds the few days before your race, if you are doing your preparations properly. So, it is probably a good thing that I won't be able to check-in. It would probably be depressing. :)
I have been noticing pretty consistent weight fluctuations throughout the week, of about 5 pounds. But, I can usually count on Friday mornings being happy. LOL. I'm sure it is related to my glycogen storage. Monday mornings is usually when I weigh the most, like 3 to 5 pounds more than Friday. That would make sense because I would have depleted my body on Saturday, and it would be mostly restored by Monday. Gotta keep it in perspective.
I slept well last night, but I am still tired. The cat still hasn't stopped with the noise-making. I know it will get better and I am hanging on to that knowledge for dear life, baby!
Super Woman
I suffer from the Super Woman complex. I believe that I can do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it. Reality is bitch, sometimes. So is aging. Yeah, I know I'm
only 30, but that means I'm not 20, anymore.
Here is a little factoid: I can run. I can probably run a marathon. However, I cannot run if I have not slept well the night before. My body cannot recover without my mandatory 8 hours of sleep, or more. I can function beautifully on next to no sleep at work, or at home, but add marathon training in there and it becomes a disaster.
I did not sleep well again last night. I did not run well yesterday at the gym. My legs feel heavy and those shin muscles (whatever they are called) are aching. I've come to the conclusion that when I don't run properly, I end up over-using my shin muscles. I have only gotten one day of decent sleep this week, and that wasn't even my mandatory eight hours.
I don't know what kept me from getting to sleep last night. Was it the glass of wine I had before bed? The claritin I took before bed that I usually take in the morning? Pure exhaustion? I'm going to try to get my 6 miles in tonight at the gym. At this point, I am going to listen to my body and stop if I have to. The cat didn't start making noise until 2:00 this morning, but it is still going on. I really don't want to put her in the kennel when we go to bed, but I need to sleep. I just can't go and go and go without sleep like I used to.
Scott and I talked more about his little outburst last week. He said he was disturbed by what he did, too. While that doesn't really make me feel any better, at least he is very clear about how upsetting that is to me. I told him that I will not tolerate my son living in that kind of environment, no matter how infrequently it happens, and that he doesn't deserve it. I also told him that when a child is crying because they are truly upset about something, he needs to be the adult and put his own feelings aside to make the child feel secure. Anything less is childish and selfish--and completely unacceptable. I also discovered that his Dad used to have the same violent response to him and his siblings when they were upset. I did not know that before last night. It never ceases to amaze me how long your childhood affects you!!! Which is why it is so important to work as hard as you can to be the best parent you can be.
Fat People Cause Global Warming
Here's the link to the full article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/29/weekinreview/29kolata.html?_r=2&adxnnl=1&oref=slogin&adxnnlx=1162357536-2WmL8pEeP+qw/NNnSSzF7w&oref=sloginA quote I enjoyed:
One problem with blaming people for being fat, obesity researchers say, is that getting thin is not like quitting smoking. People struggle to stop smoking, but many, in the end, succeed. Obesity is different. It’s not that the obese don’t care. Instead, as science has shown over and over, they have limited personal control over their weight. Genes play a significant role, the science says.That is not a popular message, Dr. Brownell says. And the notion that anyone can be thin with a little effort has consequences. “Once weight is due to a personal failing, a lot of things follow,” he said. There’s the attitude that if you are fat, you deserve to be stigmatized. Maybe it will motivate you to lose weight. The opposite happens.
In a paper published Oct. 10 in Obesity, Dr. Brownell and his colleagues studied more than 3,000 fat people, asking them about their experiences of stigmatization and discrimination and how they responded.
Almost everyone said they ate more."
Oh, what a gem. The last thing "fat people" (like myself) need is another effing crutch to lean on. Oy. I've never tried to quit smoking, but I would imagine losing weight would be easier to do; or at the very least just as difficult. But, to blame the "obesity epidemic" on genes??? Our gene pool must have become pretty messed up over the last 50 years, eh? BULLSHIT.
Great Month
Last night was awesome. We handed out candy. We took the boy trick or treating. Missy was roaming around the house on her own.
I ran 5.5 miles in 69:20, a 12:36 pace. Woohoo. I wanted to be at 12:30 (or better) for the half marathon and I think I can do it. 11 more days, baby! I felt strong and healthy (and happy) last night on the treadmill.
October RecapLost: 7.1 pounds
Shrank: 3.25 inches
Ran: 73.2 miles
Pace: 13:24 (average)
That was a good month. One of the best in recent memory. I wonder how many people on the CK forums are talking about their "binges" on Holloween candy right now and hate themselves? LOL. As tempted as I am to go check it out, I know I will be tempted to respond in an unpopular way. So, I will be a big girl and keep my opinions to myself. He he. Bad, bad, bad Cindy.
We have somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 pounds of candy in our house. I think I ate five peices, if that. It just doesn't taste good to me, anymore. I thought I would try one piece, each, of my old favorites, just to see if they tasted good. Nope. Bummed and grateful at the same time.
So the kitty cat only cried for about three minutes last night...every hour...until 5:30AM when she decided to go about it non-stop. Ugh. Rough night, but it's getting better. I didn't want to put her in the kennel because she made so much progress yesterday. If she carries on again tonight, I will have to cage her up. I gotta get my good sleep on!
Tonight is 6.5 miles, back on the treadmill. The gym was a ghost-town last night, as expected. I think only the single, childless people with no social life were there. It was nice, though. I got my favorite spot (directly under the air conditioner vent) and there was no one around me to heat up my space. LOL.
The next four weeks are going to be rough. I will be in Nacogdoches the whole month (not weekends), except the week of Thanksgiving. I've never been away from home that much, so it will be interesting to see how things go. Last week Prince Charming lost his cool over something
absolutely rediculous and put a hole in a door. This the second time since we've been married that he has taken out his frustrations (over something STUPID) on doors. The first time neither my son, or myself, was home. This time I was out of town and my son was home. I made it very clear that I will not have my child (or myself) living in a violent environment. I had to grow up in it and I went to bed every night as a child thinking I was going to be dead by morning. I won't stand for that shit in my house. That is his first, and only, warning. You don't fuck with my family! Even if you are my husband.
Wow, where did that come from? Looks like I need to have a deeper talk with him about this, doesn't it? It's obviously not resolved in me, now is it?
