Thursday, August 31, 2006

Scheduled Run: 20 Minutes
Actual Run: 22 Minutes

Absolutely gorgeous outside this AM!!! 70 degrees, coudless sky, the very slightest breeze. 4 laps, 1.68 Miles.

I tried to stretch and hurt myself. I've come to the startling conclusion that Me + 5:00 AM + Stretching - Coffee = Bad Idea! I think if I keep stretching every night before bed for 10 - 15 minutes, I should be okay for my early morning runs. I'll go with that and see what happens.

The scale is sitting at 277 this week. For the past month I have been up 2 lbs, then down 4 lbs the following week. I'd really like that trend to end and settle back into a constant loss. Looks like I am on track for being back up 2 this week after being down 4 last week. Dang it.

When will the madness end?!?!?!?!

On an even more disturbing note, I've purchased my first size XL running shirt. It looks absolutely hideous on me--mostly because my flabby arm skin hanging out of the super-short sleeves (eww)! Going out in public with that shirt on will no doubt traumatize some poor, innocent, bystanders. I am apologizing in advance for the therapy that will be required for some unsuspecting motorists in San Antonio after Saturday morning! LOL.

But, a girl's GOT to stay cool!

PM Workout
Core Class: 50 Minutes
Stationary Bike: 10 Minutes
Full Body Weights: 45 Minutes
Stretches: 15 Minutes

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Sheduled Run: 0 Minutes
Actual Run: 0 Minutes

And a happy rest day it is! I am thinking of starting an evening stretching session--just before bedtime--maybe 10 - 15 minutes. My hips are tight and my goin/inner thighs is tight. We can't have that, now can we?

I've been feeling a little anxious about not logging my food or exercise. I suppose this is normal, though. I don't feel like my choices have been any different this week than last, but I no longer have that visibility of my CK food and exercise diary to assure me. And this, too, shall pass. :)

I'm finding myself caught off-guard when I look in the mirror, lately. Prince Charming calls me skinny all the time, but I am so *not* there, yet. I do see the changes now. Very clearly. And the loose skin is just underscoring the evidence. I am beginning to come to terms with the newer version of me, as well. My new face has been the hardest to deal with, I think.

Well, here I go off to copy some more journal entries to my new blog...

~

PM Workout
Stretching: 10 Minutes

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Scheduled Run: 30 Minutes
Actual Run: 30 Minutes

Awesome run, wonderful outside. 5 laps, 2.1 miles. Didn’t do my stretches.

I have decided to stop the obsessive calorie counting and listen to my body. CK doesn’t allow me to adjust my calories to account for my training. I am the type who thrives on meeting (usually exceeding) my goals and if CK says I should eat 2000 calories—even if I run three hours that day-then I will try to do it. That is stupid and it stresses me out. I know I should eat back my exercise calories, but their database says that I will burn over 2500 calories in a three hour run. I can’t eat 4,500 calories in one day. And I shouldn’t, anyway! Their formulas are all screwed up.

So, I’m moving on. I’ve completely transformed my eating habits in 7 months and I am to the point where I don’t even want to put crap food in my body, anymore. I am transforming myself into an athlete and I am going to live my life like an athlete, now. You are (or will become) what you perceive yourself to be.

~

PM Workout
Stationary Bike: 15 Minutes
Full Body Weights: 45 Minutes
Stretching: 10 Minutes

Monday, August 28, 2006

Scheduled Run: 25 Minutes
Actual Run: 25 Minutes

Not as bad outside. It was nice looking up to see the stars! 4 laps, 1.68 Miles. Abbreviated stretching session. Slept in too long...oopsie!

I have been keeping a journal on calorieking.com and I have decided to step away from CK for at least a good-long while. I will work on transferring my journal to this blog, if it is possible. Have lots to look at right now so I will get back to this, later!

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Daily Averages for this week:
food calories: 2,110 cals
exercise minutes: 51 mins
exercise calories: 526 cals
net calories: 1,584 cals
protein: 142 g
fiber: 28 g
sodium: 2,264 mg

Lost almost 4 lbs this week. Measurements didn't change at all.

The run this morning eff'n sucked because it felt like the deepest depths of hell outside. I hate, loathe, dispise and dislike running in the heat. Fuckin HATE HATE HATE it!!!

~

When I would fantasize about losing weight (all my life), I always imagined how much fun it would be to buy regular sized clothes and to replace my wardrobe. SHOPPING IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FUN PART OF THIS JOURNEY--THE REWARD! I totally feel cheated. It was easier to buy clothes when I wore a size 26. I'm so depressed and confused and emotional about this. Am I the fattest woman to ever run, or what? Why can't I find "wicking" clothes that will at least pass for ungrotesque, if not horrible looking??? I want to cry and sceam and hit something and run my car into the back end of that jackass I was driving behind on the way home today. How do some people get their freekin licenses, anyway? Do they lie about actually having driving skills??? Grrrr.

I think I'll go get a glass of wine and sit outside by myself and try to figure out WTF I am going to do about this, besides complain.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Wow. My body hurts--especially that right leg I am working on strengthening. Love it.

Scale still at 275 this AM. For the past few weeks my weight has been up 2+ lbs then down 4+. I'm hoping this will be the last of the yo-yo now that I am weighing in consistently before I work out on my own scale. Tomorrow is check-in day so I am hoping to be down to 274 and down another 1".

Tomorrow is a 3 mile run with the group. Hopefully we won't have to wait until after 8:00 to start our run. I'd like to be done by then, in the car, on my way home to prince charming and some freshly brewed coffee. Scott is now taking personal training at the gym; so, we will be working out for almost 2 hours three days a week. A good 45 - 60 minute cardio and then 1 hour of training. It is hard to run in the morning, then go to the gym and workout for two hours. I usually start to fizzle out about 1.5 hours into the gym workout. It is only temporary, though. We'll find a good rythm, again, and go for reasonable lengths of time. It's a fun challenge in the interim.

On saturday's, we go hang out at the pool for about an hour (after our workout) then go to a restaurant and it gives a whole new meaning to the word re-fuel. LOL. We did start getting a protein drink from the cafe after the workout because we just don't have the energy to go to the pool without it.

I think we will only need to keep up this madness for 4 to 6 weeks. The trainer thinks that she and Scott will have developed enough communication skills by then and we can kick the training down to once or twice a week. It's all good. These types of challenges keep my body from getting comfortable. It never knows what I am going to expect it to do, next. He he.

~

OMG. I am sooo ready to leave the office and begin the weekend. Hubby and I need to reconnect. It seems like we haven't connected much this week. I miss him and the deep level of intimacy we usually share. What happened this week?

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Scheduled Run: 20 Minutes
Actual Run: 23 Minutes (4 laps, 1.68 miles)

I am wearing my size 16 slacks today. Happy days! They've been hanging in my closet since April, I think, when I bought the 20's. Man, they look good. I went to a new mexican restaurant for lunch yesterday and I have been bloated, gassy and miserable ever since. I have decided not to eat anything at a restaurant whose ingredients cannot be easily extrapolated by reading the menu or looking at the food. This includes refried beans, most salsas, and tortillas. My system just cannot take crap food, anymore. I don't want to be reminded of my lunch 24 hours after it was consumed. Something just *NOT* right about that.

~

//Damn. My scheduled client is a no-show. WFT am I supposed to do all day, now??? I hate it when this happens!!!!!
Good, he called me back--two hours later! Phew.

~

I really love running. And, I love it even more in the dark right before dawn.
I love hearing my feet hit the ground with the ambient noise of the darkness as my soundtrack.
I love the moon hanging overhead and hearing the buzz of the streetlights as I go by them.
I love watching the nocturnal critters-especially the scorpions-scurrying to find cover before the sun bakes 'em.
And so much more. But, back to work!

~

Kudos to me. <> The client that I did that technical writing project for absolutely LOVED my work. I worked with three different departments for that project and they all RAVED about me. I'm good. And, another department wants me, now. I'm not fond of Atlanta, but I really like that company. Too bad the Lifetime Fitness is not open out there until December. Then, I wouldn't mind going. But, the place I stayed last time (in Alpharetta) was a LOT safer than the place I stayed the first time (in Norcross). I can still get my runs in, though.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Oooh. The scale reported 275.3 this AM. 4 more days 'til check-in, even! Do I see a 269 in my immediate future??? By the end of the month, maybe? Woohoo.

~

I don't want to log my food anymore. I don't use it to actually plan, anyway. I use it to track my food (after I've eaten it) for some, unknown, reason. I like looking at my reports; but I would because I am an analytical person.I'm not finding much on CK very useful right now. I seem to be in a very small minority of people who decides they are going to do something, then actually does it. Why would you decide to do something then not do it? What is the purpose of arriving at that decision in the first place?

Oh well. I'll never understand it. Like I'll never understand people who are held captive by their past or people that are suffering from depression, etc. I don't doubt the validity of these things, I just can't comprehend them--like I can't comprehend the importance of calculus for my business degree. There will just be some things in life that I don't "get."

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Scheduled Run: 25 Minutes
Actual Run: 25 Minutes (4 laps, 1.68 miles)

ICKY outside. 78 degrees, 452% humidity.

~

I got this really nice USAfit Running Log on Saturday. I am looking at that log as my training partner. I am going to record my training schedule in it at lunch today and that log will hold me accountable. I don't want to have to record that I did something less than my best in that book. Because it will be written in permanent ink for eternity. It has no edit feature. I get a strange sense of pride/confidence/accomplishment when I record that I have stretched, walked and run the correct amount of time each training day. It is a very special activity for me. For some, odd, reason.

~

There is one member on CK, whom I personally enjoy, that has said a time, or two (though not directly to me, yet), "Your workout is completely over the top." I think about that combination of words on days like today. LOL. Thanks for being yourself and expressing your opinions!!!

I *know* it is too much. Even though it doesn't feel like it. My body is okay with it. But, I did not eat enough to fuel it. I'm just not hungry. I know that this will interfere with my training so I need to find a way to balance it all. I can't go to the gym and just sit while hubby and kiddo are working out, now can I?

Monday, August 21, 2006

Week 1 of 26 - Marathon Training

Scheduled: 20 Minutes
Actual: 24 Minutes (4 laps, 1.68 miles)

~

7:00AM self portrait has just been uploaded. LOL. I should be a photographer!

~

During our weekly meeting this morning, our boss came in and talked to us about our attitude. I was so happy to hear that. I really do not like hearing negative things about anybody, especially our clients--who are responsible for our paychecks. There are only a few people who constantly complain, but boy does it bother me. I am grateful to be working in a place where even your attitude in the office is of monumental importance! Because, it really is!

~

Yep! I ate 12 oz. of chicken breast tonight. But pretty much nothing else. I really wanted it. ALL OF IT. Wow.This new digital picture of me that I uploaded makes me look kinda freaky. The paper photo that I have doesn't look freaky. Oh well. I don't mind.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Scale was back down to 277 this morning. Even after my super-salty lunch yesterday? Okay. I was full from that lunch (dinner) yesterday afternoon until about 30 minutes ago. And, I only ate half of it???

I am tired. Just finished watering outside. Don't feel like pulling weeds in the heat. Think I'll try to stay inside and relax all day. I've never been able to do it, but perhaps I can pull it off today? Doing nothing is usually enough to drive me crazy. My muscles hurt, though. The last time I was successful at sitting on my @ss all day was when I was in the throes of Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged." (for the second time) I couldn't pull myself away from it. That was just this past winter so I am not ready to read it again. Maybe in 4 or 5 more years. Maybe it is time to read Pride and Predjudice, again? Maybe the Joy Luck Club? Those are both pretty short. Maybe I'll pull out my World Lit. book from college and read some short stories? Those are always enjoyable and thought-provoking.

Hmm. First, I need to go eat something.

~

I've been wondering how small I will be when I am finished losing weight. I'm already down to a 16. My old trainer said that my ideal weight is 225 lbs. That is about 50 pounds from here. If I lose another 50 lbs, that should translate into about 3 more sizes? That will be a size 10, I think. That sounds about right to me, but it also sounds weird wearing a size 10 at 225 lbs and 225 lbs being an ideal weight for a woman. Weird. I can't get my mind wrapped around that. I don't know of any other women who weigh 225 lbs and are considered at a healthy weight for them. At the same time, losing only 50 more pounds sounds very easy right now. I should be at my "ideal" weight for my marathon. Cool.

I really need to go find some other way to entertain myself.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

3 Mile pace run this morning with the training group (San Antonio Fit, part of USA Fit).

My pace was 40:56 (13.67 minute mile).

Hills all the way throughout the pace run. But, I guess my time wasn't too bad. The only thing I didn't like was the HEAT. Good gravy it was HOT. I thought I was going to melt.

I found out that just the first two weekends would start at 7:00. After that, we meet at 6:30. Thank you, God!

Oh, and the scale said I am up over 2 lbs, but I shrank almost 1 inch. Whatever. Prolly 'cause I used to have to weigh in after my workouts and now I weigh in first thing in the morning. It's all good.

Now coffee, breakfast, then off to the gym for weights and swimming.

~

Decided to take this shopping thing slowly. I went to two stores today. Found two tops and a sweater. That is all I can do right now. Maybe I'll try again in a few weeks. I need to have a plan and some goals. I seem to function better that way.

Plan for tomorrow? Chill. Rest. Relax. Regroup. Reduce. Reuse. Recycle (oh wait, wrong commercial). Oh, and some yard work.

Friday, August 18, 2006

I love that core class at Lifetime Fitness!!!

~

Liz You are awesome. Thanks for that.

~

Tomorrow is the very first day of my training class for the Austin Marathon. Super excited. Not so nervous, anymore.

Kinda bummed, though, because I got an e-mail saying that it started at 7:00 AM today and when I signed up, it was supposed to be 6:30. I've never run any later than 6:30 before and I know it heats up awefully quick. Hopefully it won't do me in.

I still haven't decided if I am going to go shopping, or not, on Sunday. I can't do it next weekend because it is my monthly day trip to Dallas. I just don't know. We'll see.

I really made an extra effort to consume more calories (and protein) this week.

This week's daily averages:
2,114 food calories
53 exercise minutes
1,602 net calories (which is crap, anyway)
99g Protein

My CK net was supposed to be 1960 this week. I'm probably pretty close.

I am now in my 7th Month of the lifestyle change.
Lost over 63 lbs.
Shrank over 35 inches (Hips, Waist, Bust, Thigh Only).
Gone from a size 26/28 to a Size 16.
There is about 20% less of me to love than there was in February.
Wow, I need to let that sink in.

~

Oh, I forgot to mention what happened at the gym yesterday. You have to give your membership card to the gate-keepers in the children's center to get in to get your kid. They place it on the exit side of the center. I was leaving, with my kid, and the lady couldn't tell which gym card was mine (they have pictures on them, by the way). She guessed that it was one of the of the skinny-faced women. That was sooo awesome. Guess I need to get my membership card updated. I can't call my face "basketball-shaped" anymore.

I think I will get someone to take a new picture of me after I get clothes that fit me and post it up here.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

36 Minutes, 5 or 6 laps (lost count). Walked the whole time because the knee is still feeling unhappy. I could have run through it, but I can't miss my first day of group training on Saturday. I don't know my knees well enough, yet, to test my luck there--so I just kept myself moving. Better than staying in bed.

~

Hubby and I talked about the whole money-clothing issue last night. He said that I should go out and buy myself a whole new wardrobe. That scares me. But, I have a few days to warm up to the idea and to budget it out.

I wish I had a girlfriend. It would be better for me to have someone to do this with. It is totally my fault, though. I haven't reached out to anyone (especially women) in friendship since I met prince charming. I need to work on that, too. It's amazing how long your childhood affects your adult life, seriously. Time to get over the woman-aversion thing, too, Cindy!!

~

My ChristianConnect Word of the Day (seems very fitting today):

Face it; some people are unwilling to take responsibility for their lot in life, so they plough through each day complaining about everything. Because they're incapable of loving themselves, they can't extend love to others. Often their negative edge just masks their real struggle. Deep down they're afraid of being rejected, so they don't get too close to anyone; except kindred spirits. So how should you respond to such people? Don't get hooked! If you can't lift them up, make sure they don't drag you down. When Nehemiah's enemies criticized the wall he was building he replied, ' " I am doing a great work! Why should I stop to come and visit you? " ' (Nehemiah 6:3 TLB). And what was the result?
'The wall was finally finished...just fifty-two days after we had begun!
When our enemies...heard about it, they were...humiliated, and they realised that the work had been done with the help of our God'(Nehemiah 6:15-16 TLB). Was it easy working around people like that? No. How did Nehemiah do it? When he started getting discouraged he prayed, ' (O Lord God, please strengthen me!)' (Nehemiah 6:9 TLB). Notice, he didn't say, 'Lord, flatten them.' Or, 'Lord make them nice to me.' No, he asked for strength, maintained a good attitude and prayed that God would take care of his critics. And God did. Many of the people who aggravate you have no idea why; it's just their nature. When Christ's own disciples wanted to call down fire on the heads of those who wouldn't accept their message, Jesus said, 'Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of.'

~

I am finding today's blog entries verrry entertaining (the one's pertaining to Trishie's thread, anyway). It gives the reader a peek into the "real" person. LOL. My immature side wants to copy and paste blog entries in a sort of "collage." It is childish and catty, but MY GOODNESS wouldn't it be hilarious!!!

But, alas, there is nothing to be gained from that activity. Too high a cost and not a big enough benefit. LOL.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

All I have to talk about today is my clothes not fitting me and my right knee feeling kind of tight. I bought two new pair of size 18 slacks in early July and they look like poo on me right now. The 20's look even worse, of course. Maybe when I go shopping this weekend I should buy the tightest clothes I can stand and wear a blazer or a sweater over it until they look better. There's no hope. I guess doing that would encourage me to keep losing weight since my clothes would be so friggin' uncomfortable! Like I need any more motivation/encouragement/determination to do that.

Damn...my iPod just died. I need to go buy a charger to keep at work.

Not having a great day today. My son annoyed the sh!t out of us this morning (before we had coffee) and the day just hasn't recovered from that. Why does he have to be so obstinate (sometimes) and lazy (most of the time)? It's okay. I have the power to make his existence a nightmarish dictatorship if he wants to keep it up. He must have forgotten what THAT was like! Apparently he needs a refresher course. I need to go find my swastica hat, electric shock collar and horse whip. I thought I could just come to work and hide in my cube with the iPod all day with the software that does what I tell it to do--nope.

I am grateful that the software is still doing what I tell it to do. That is usually a crap-shoot, like the kid.

~

I'm bored. I went back to the mall today to exchange some shoes for the little brat and I decided to do some more window shopping to kill some time. I want to shop, but the thought of spending money on clothes bothers me (of course). I won't be able to wear them long...blah blah blah. Here I go again.

Why can't I just spend money without analyzing the cost-benefit ratios, useful life, utility, real estate, stock portfolios, disaster planning, etc? Maybe if I look hard enough, I can find a disorder I can label myself with. Won't that be fun? There may even be medication for it and suggested behavior modifactions to go along with the medication regimen. My hubby must be a saint for putting up with me. He tells me all the time that some purchases just don't have any "economic value." You buy it 'cause you want it. Okay...Then what?

I have a hard time rationalizing like that. You can want everything, buy it, then it collects dust in a drawer somewhere when you get bored with it. Where do you draw the being wasteful line if you can't measure something in economic terms? Your emotions certainly cannot be counted upon to draw any kind of useful line. And, a line MUST be drawn or the bankruptcy clerk and/or divorce court draws it for you.

Yes, this is definitely one area of "me" that needs some work. The way I look at my financial house is definitely not balanced. But, I guess with prince charming and I both in it, it is balanced. No? Geez, I love that man. He is so perfect for me in every way.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

49 Minutes, 8 laps (3.36 miles), walked the steep hills. My right knee wasn't very happy so I slowed it down. 76 degrees outside with a nice headwind.

I really enjoyed the run this morning and I was not straining to finish it, like I normally am. Probably because of the speed (or lack thereof ).

~

I just HAVE to say that running in the morning is really starting to grow on me. I love it, love it, love it. 14.58 minute mile will not break any speed records, but I am walking up those steep hills, too. It probably adds 2 minutes to the mile?? 12 minute mile seems a bit much for me to attain right now, but I am going to try. Thursday's run will be focused on increasing my speed, providing me knee is okay by then. If not, I will keep it slow.

~

Today is my son's first day of school and Scott and I both took him to his classroom to help him get settled. He insisted that we both stay there with him until school started. It was kinda sweet, but kinda sad. He usually isn't the clingy type so I was wondering what emotions he was experiencing that he couldn't talk about. He was grabbing for me as we were walking out, but by the time we made it to the classroom door, he had already forgotten about us and was doing something else. He is just like me! LOL.

I hope he is having a great day. I want to call the school and have them check on him, but I know that is completely rediculous--and probably embarassing to him. Wonder what Scott is doing all alone in the house today (besides laundry)? Wonder if he wants to check on the boy, too? LOL.

~

O.M.G. I went to the mall at lunch today. I decided to try on the XL/Size 16's in the regular women's department at Dillard's. I was looking at them thinking "They won't fit me, they are too small!" NOT! I tried about 7 tops on from different designers and they all fit--every one of them. Some fit better than others, but I got every last one of them on MY body. This opens up a whole new world of apparel for me that I haven't ever been able to select from. I am SO EXCITED.

Can I fit shopping in this weekend? I called up prince charming and told him about it and then informed him that I plan to spend 12 hours at the mall this weekend. He mentioned something about him becoming a widow and filing bankruptcy???

~

WOW. There was not even an ounce difference between my new scale and the one at the gym. I was pleasantly surprised. I probably won't get to record much of a loss this week because of switching my weigh-in time. But, I seriously don't care.

And for those of you who are wondering, I purchased a Soehnle Alpha scale. All it does is weigh you. No BF% or hydration levels, body age, etc.