Food Total: 2004 cals
Exercise Minutes: 127 mins
The realtor and I are back on good terms now. She gave me the skinny on why the houses in the area where my kid's potential school is are so expensive. Oh, and Stace ( Stace) was of enormous help, too. We agreed to look at five of the lesser expensive homes and she would just spend some time showing me the different neighborhoods in the area.
Seriously, though, it will mostly depend on where the school's bus services go. That will determine where we can live. It's not like Prince Charming can just drive him to school and back everyday! And if I'm going to be traveling, I can't do it, either.
I'm very excited about tomorrow. It is going to be a long, active day, but I'm looking forward to it, anyway.
We went to IHOP this morning. Instead of doing what I knew I should do (choose the Garden Scrambler) I selected the cinnamon swirl french toast. You know, because I loved it in my former life. Yuck. I ate the eggs, 1/2 piece of bacon (waaaaay too salty), 1/2 hash browns (too greassy and bland) and just half of the french toast (too sweet and devoid of nutrition).
I'm learning..slowly, but it is happening.
Now, I've got to try to figure out how to log it.......
Update: I've decided I don't like my personal trainer very much. I don't know what she is talking about (she sounds like she is reading right out of an anatomy book) and when I tell her I can't do something (because I'm too friggin' fat) it takes her a few minutes to figure out what to do with me. Supporting my 300 lb fat-ass on my wrists while trying to "walk forward" on my palms while rolling my hips over a rolling-pin foam thingy is asking for a sprained wrist, which I think I may have, by the way.
Oh well. I've only got three more visits with her. And we'll have to change gyms anyway when we move. I was so frustrated with her and the things she was trying to get my body to do that I wanted to cry. Why does she want me to focus on working out some really tiny muscles in my back when I need to work on the larger ones to facilitate the weight I'm trying to lose? So what if my leg muscles are tight/knotted? Why injur my wrist trying to work out a freakin knot when I have 100 lbs to lose? My other personal trainers of the past have been way better to work with. Maybe I just don't understand.....
More: April Results are in. 10.25 pounds lost this month. 5.5 inches are dearly departed.
Food Total: 1233 cals
Exercise Minutes: 65 mins
Today I am going to the gym, but it is just cardio today, no weights. I'm hoping to get under that magical 300 lb mark this morning as it is check in day.
The properties that the realtor sent to us were insane. It was a very sad day for me. My future employer said property prices are a lot less in San Antonio. Um, 'scuse me, where did you learn your math? YIKES! The realtor said that is the perception most people have, but it is not true. You're danged right it ain't true! HOLY CRAP!
It's okay. We don't need to live in a brand-new house in the most popular neighborhood. I'll pass, thanks. She is going to regroup and call me when we get back from the gym. She said there are plenty of other options. There better be!
Update:
299.25Yiiippppiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am no longer a 300 lb woman and never will be again! :happy dance:
More: O.M.G. I just saw a picture of myself from Christmas 2004. I had long hair still and I looked like poohpooh. I've got to take that one to get on CD to upload it as my "before" picture. Betcha I was more than 336 there! Wow.
Cool: I just went to Target to replace the 2X men's sweats I have been working out in. The XXL workout pants I found in the regular womens section (not plus size) fit pretty comfortably. I also found a white 1X tank (in the plus section) to replace a 3X I just threw out. This has just been a pretty cool day...
Food Total: 1897 cals
Yesterday was a loss. My brain was on other things. We were supposed to go to the gym after work and, somehow, my auto pilot took us home instead of the gym. So, we decided to just go for a walk in the neighborhood since it was nice out. I forgot when we left and have no clue how long we were gone. I know it doesn't really matter in the long-haul, though.
I made hot dogs for my son last night and I wanted one. So I ate it and decided that it was sooooo salty. So, I decided to have another. WTF??? Whatever....so I am all bloated and thirsty today. I went over calories, although not too bad, and I was under-active. I guess it is good to shake things up a bit once and a while? Scott wants pizza tonight. He wanted doughnuts this morning. I put the kabash on doing both so he decided on pizza tonight, and IHOP on Sunday. Wassup with that? Oh well. It's his money, too. Maybe he craves junk food when he is stressed? There's a possibility I hadn't considered. Sounds perfectly normal to me.
I have to teach myself how to live a normal life and making the best of the situation. IHOP has a yogurt and fruit plate that is REALLY good. We usually share one for like an appetizer. It'll work out alright.
Update: Today I am wearing an OLD (as in almost 10 yrs old) pair of jeans, size 22T (Tall). Why did I buy these? My legs are long, but my torso isn't. Only sensible thing I can think of was that the regular 22's were too short in the legs so I got the T. Anyway, they are way too big in the thigh and hips and the waist goes up about 2 or 3 inches too high.
These get added not to the fat clothes pile (although they are big), but to the stupid purchase pile (because they are more stupid than big)....along with their different colored friends.
My future employer had a realtor contact me today so I have been working with her all day trying to narrow down some neigborhoods to visit on Monday. We have decided to suck it up and pay the extra money for the good school out there after the realtor just raved about it. We showed the school's website to my son yesterday and he is SOOOO excited. They really do have an awesome program. I want my son to grow up excited about going to school and looking at his education like it is a priviledge. Yup, I'm willing to pay good money for it, too.
~
Today's tickle.com test results:
Cindy, you'll thrive in a corporate culture that allows you to be an Energizer
You bring a unique energy to any work scene. Your infectious enthusiasm and zeal for what you do serve as an inspiration to others. The idea of following traditions and rules just for their own sake does not make a whole lot of sense to you. But that doesn't mean you slack off and find loopholes. Part of what's inspiring about you is that you come to the table with a strong work ethic and ability to get things done under pressure.
But your ability to motivate yourself and others can be snuffed out if you're working for a company that's not based on a system that values your contributions.
Wow...how true is that? This one definitely has me pegged! This place "snuffed me out"...with said end results.
Food Total: 2398 cals
Exercise Minutes: 45 mins
I cancelled the interview with the shoe guy this morning. I have to call the HR dept. of the new company to make sure I understand all the company policies and what-not before I verbally accept the offer. I wasn't really happy with the stipulations of the relocation reimbursement, but I will clarify that today. It looks like they will not pay for labor, just the truck and supplies...sheesh. The most expensive part of moving is the labor. They put a $ cap on what they will pay. If they are willing to pay up to a certain dollar amount, why does it matter if it is for labor or a truck? Oh well, we'll see how it all goes. Maybe he really didn't mean they wouldn't pay for labor and just forgot to include it in the list of what they would pay for. Surely they wouldn't expect us to move our furniture ourselves? We can't even lift some of it!
I am not happy today. It started yesterday evening. I have every reason in the world to be happy. What gives? I am not the type who fears change. I embrace it, and perhaps even thrive on it. The eminent move is not very appealing, I confess, but is that responsible for my bad mood? I don't understand my emotions. They don't make any sense. I need to go find my inner tigger and bring it back! Bad moods suck. I can choose to be in a better mood. It is my mind!!!
I am thankful for:
Having a hot cup of coffee with the love of my life this morning while watching the sun rise.
Having the sweetest kid in the world who shuffles out of bed in the morning, all warm from sleep, and climbs up in my lap and gives me a long hug.
Having a job doing something that I am passionate about and the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of our clients.
Having a refrigerator and pantry full of healthy food.
The move to San Antonio and being near the hill country where there will be beautiful hiking trails.
Being able to provide for my family and for the blessing of having my son come home from school every day to parents that love him.
My current employer giving me the opportunity to find a job on their dime.
My God ALWAYS providing for me and my family. EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF OUR LIVES.
Update: I am feeling much more upbeat now. I have been scouring the internet for schools, homes, gyms, etc. in San Antonio. I need to call the people we are leasing our house from. I don't want to make that call (because it is breaking a promise which I lothe). I.MUST.DO.IT.
The private school that I found for the boy is very expensive. He loves private school and doesn't want to go to public school, but I really need to think hard about this one. We're looking at paying, at least, another $100 to $200 per month. Ouch. That will require a lot of convincing. I made an appointment to meet with the Asst. Principle on Monday afternoon. We'll see.
~
Todays tickle.com test results:
Cindy, your lips say you've got Understated Charm Whether you're delivering a sweet smooch or a well-chosen compliment, a kind and centered sweetie like you uses your lips to show how much you care. You're a great listener who's got a knack for knowing what — and what not — to say.Subtle and down-to-earth, you're not totally consumed by fussy fashions or high-maintenance beauty routines. We'd bet you're most comfortable in simple styles that let your genuine self shine through. Seems just right for a go-with-the-flow gal like you!
Food Total: 1816 cals
I feel like a rebel today. I know that is a completely ridiculous thought, though. I have always respected my work environment enough to dress appropriately for business, even though this environment is decidedly casual. Well, today I am wearing the tennies, jean capri's a tank top and a fun outer-shirt. I usually reserve the casual look for the weekends and personal time. I look like I am headed off to the beach. I want to be at the beach. I don't want to be here.
I should hear back about the San Antonio job today. The shoe guy will also be calling me today for my interview time. I want the San Antonio job. The shoe job will be an acceptable alternative.
We were talking to the sales manager at the gym last night. He looked at me and said, "You've lost some weight, girl. I can see it in your face, especially." Then Scott's work-out buddy said, "Yeah, I can definitely tell you've lost some weight. You look great." Woohoo. They were the first ones to notice all by themselves AND they were MEN. That was pretty cool. Usually men are the last ones to notice that type of change. I guess we all like our first compliments, right? My weight was the same yesterday, but I still got a few days left to lose that 1.25 lbs. I'm gonna do it! May 2nd I am going to weigh in under
300 lbs!
Alternate Job Update: My interview is Friday at 9:30 with the shoe guy's CPA. All candidates have to be tested by the CPA to make sure they have accounting skills. (???) The more this guy talks, the less appealing the job environment becomes. I had some doubts yesterday. I have even more doubts now. Let's see....what was one of my favorite questions??? Oh, it's got to be "Do you have your own means of transportation?" WTF??? The first answer that came to the very tip of my tongue is, thankfully, not the one I gave! What was my second fav??? "Have you ever prepared financial statements before? You know, completely on your own?" Again with the tongue biting there. Did he miss the whole public accounting page of my resume? Oh yeah, he also wanted to make sure that I would be able to operate his little Macola system because, according to him, it is very different from QuickBooks (You don't say?Doh!)...He must have missed the part in my resume where I spent FOUR YEARS installing, selling, supporting and training people how to use mid-range accounting systems. Either that or this guy is a big dope.....I hope I can call this guy back and cancel the interview. Where is San Antonio????? He should have called me by now!
Hello? San Antonio? Can you hear me? For the love of all things sacred, please save me from the shoe guy! Nooooooo, not the shoe guy! LOL.
At least the shoe guy has a pulse? If not an actual brain or reading comprehension skills? Okay, that is progress....
Update:
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Watch out San Antonio....here we come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
'Scuse me you sexist pigs...TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT! And the shoe job, while you're at it!
More: Okay, so I have calmed down a little from the high. I go to San Antonio Monday and they are going to help me find the right part of town to move the family to and show me around. They said that they actually have quite a bit of work here in Houston to keep me busy for a while so the pressure to move right away is gone. They will put me in an extended stay for the first three or four weeks for training and I will be home on the weekends. Then I will work from home to serve the Houston clients until we can get moved. What an absolutely perfect arrangement and a huge blessing. Can it really get any better than this?
Hopefully we can get outa here before hurricane season kicks up again.
~
Todays tickle.com test results:
Cindy, the brightest color in your aura is Red Contrary to popular myth, auras are actually multi-colored energy fields that can be divided into seven primary layers. Having Red as your brightest color means that the first layer of your aura is the most vibrant. You most likely experience exceptional physical health, which gives you great vitality and energy. Your deep connection to your body makes it easier for you to express your spirit, and you're more open than most to cultivating life's lessons.I like red. Especially red cars. My favorite color is a dirivitive of red. I'll buy it...
Food Total: 1985 cals
Exercise Minutes: 88 mins
Yesterday, when we got home from work, the boy went to play at a freind's house and prince charming and I cranked up the gothic rock and alternative rock play list on the PC and had a glass of wine together. We used to do that ALL the time. It is such a great way for us to connect and just be together. It was REALLY nice. And, having the wine that early in the evening didn't mess with my sleep!
I got an e-mail early this morning from the guy I interviewed with on Friday. He said he was going to be out of the office today and would call me tomorrow. That's sooo mean. I want to know NOW.
Last night I got a call about a job in the city. I swear the guy that I was talking to didn't even have a pulse. One of my personal requirements for employment is that the person/people I work for must be ALIVE. I am waaaaaaaay to tigger-like to work for a corpse. I told him that it would be too far for me to drive. But thank you for considering me. There was just something SO WRONG about that man.
So this morning I am going to hit CareerBuilder.com, then have lunch with my hubby, then go kill 3 or 4 hours at the mall window shopping. Being here in this office makes me very uncomfortable these days.
My tenants called last night. They need to stay until May 14th. So, we have unplanned money coming in! If I get this new job, I am going to go buy some badly needed clothing. If not, the money is going in savings. I refuse to buy anything except necessities until I'm sure we'll have more money coming in, you know?
Update: I am soooooooo full. Lunch is in 40 minutes and I just don't feel like eating. Maybe 2500 calories is just too much, physically? Oy vey. I remember (now) trying to up my calories to 2500 a while back with similar results.
Listen to your body, Cindy. Not to mathematical formulas, statistics and averages.More: Window shopping got boring. Yeah, I am wearing smaller sizes and that is great. But...nothing really looks good that is popular now. I seriously don't understand how someone my size would honestly buy, AND wear in public, some of the clothes available today. I'll just leave it at that and make due with my baggy wardrobe until something new comes in style. Yikes.
On a happier note, I got a call from a potential employer while standing nekkid in the dressing room at Foley's. A woman's shoe designer and manufacturer in Houston that needs an accountant. He told me that one of their staff members is a classically trained chef and prepares lunch in their professional-grade kitchen everyday for everyone. He also said that they won't hire smokers and that they actually PAID for medical help to have two of their employees quit. I want to work in a place where the owner is concerned about the health and well-being of his employees! Pick me, pick me, pick me...over here!!!
He told me the name of his company and sounded surprised I hadn't heard of it before....I didn't tell him that I was an amazon chick who can't find women's shoes in my size and I am ABSOLUTELY clueless when it comes to all that girlie stuff, in general. LOL. He's supposed to call me back a little later today with an appointment time. Maybe I can convince him to create a new shoe line and call it Girly Amazon Feet by Cindy....
~
Your Quirk Factor: 73%
You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.
No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."
Quirky
IS normal! However, normal and average are not synonymns.
I am normally just your average quirky person. LOL.
Food Total: 2489 cals
Now that 35 lbs is gone, I am noticing that I carry most of my weight in my trunk (apple shape). I've read numerous times that this is the most dangerous place for excess weight to be stored and that people who store their fat in this area are at increased risk for all kinds of ugly things. It was hard for me to tell where my fat was mainly stored before, because it seemed pretty well distributed. But I definitely see it now. Just more motivation to fix it!
My today page had a bright red link to create my success story as I have lost over 33 lbs and they consider that a success. WHATEVER. So, now I'll have to deal with that thing popping up every two weeks for the next year. I'll share my success story when I determine I have succeeded. Not a day before.
So, 33 pounds of weight loss and you are a success...anything less and you are not????
~
I decided just to back into the right calories for me. To average 3.5 loss per week, that would have to be a calorie deficit of 12,250 per week (1,750 per day).
I'd like to slow my loss down to 2.5 lbs max. per week, or 8,750 calories per week (1,250 per day).
1,750 - 1,250 = 500
My current calories are 2,000 and I need to add 500 per day to slow down my loss.
I'll increase my calories to 2,500 per day.
Now to plan that out.....
Update: I have decided that I will add a glass of wine back into my regularly scheduled life. I come up very short on carbs every single day, anyway. This will help.
I miss having a glass of wine in the evenings with the love of my life. That will add some romance back into the mix.
Now I need to find lean protein and fiber....perhaps adding some eggbeaters and an extra piece of bread in the mornings?
Food Total: 1799 cals
Exercise Minutes: 86 mins
I decided to forget about trying to eat anything else last night and just went to bed. I slept for 11 hours and I feel all back to normal.
Today I have my second appointment with my personal trainer. She said not to work out before hand so I will get a late workout today. I will have to eat lunch before I go. But I don't like to do that. Maybe I'll just have a good snack, instead?
I decided to do the mature, responsible thing and put our rental house up for sale. I sooooo didn't want to do that (pride), but making two house payments while unemployed will have an interesting effect upon our finances (real life). I really hope that I get a lease on it before it sells! There was another showing yesterday but the realor didn't leave any feedback, yet. My tennants are supposed to be out next Sunday but I have not received confirmation. They were having SO MANY problems getting their house built and sooo many delays. I really do feel bad for them. They seriously thought that they would be out of the house by mid-January. Isn't it like almost May? Yikes...
I am just a few small pounds away from not being a 300 lb woman, anymore. I am very excited about that. I'm hoping the scale will go below 304 today. I can lose three pounds in one week and I am going to try hard for it, too. I wanted to be at 300 (or under) by the end of the month. I can do this! It's going to happen!
*****HAPPY DAYS*****
Okay, so I went to the trainer and she did all kinds of measurements and calculating, and so on and so forth. This is very interesting:
My lean body mass is 177 lbs.
My current BMI is 41
My ideal body weight, at 22% fat is 227 Lbs.
Now, I have to say I have been suspect about charts, graphs, ranges, male/female differences, normal ranges my whole adult life...I feel vindicated. I am 5'10 tall, my wrist measures 7.75", I wear size 12 shoes, and at 304 lbs can snugly wear a size 20 pant. At 250 lbs I was in a size 16. I see lots of other people here who wear much larger sizes than I do at the same weights. There is no way that I can get to 125 lbs, which is what the fat doctors of my youth advised my parents.
CK says my ideal weight range is 140 - 174. I thought 175 was stretching it for me, now it is confirmed. I'd have to lose every ounce of body fat, along with three pounds of lean mass to get there! My trainer says that I only need to lose about another 75 lbs, half of what I thought I had to lose. So, basically, I am not going to get too excited about it. I will keep losing and firming and building until I feel I am at a good spot.
So this brings me to my little "dilema" if you will. I just finished my 10th week of calorie watching/restriction and exercise. I have averaged 3.5 lbs. per week of weight loss. That is high. But, I *am* big. So, I think that I should change my profile to reflect that I am a male (as my body composition more closely resembles a male) and see what kind of calorie recommendations it gives me. Buuuuuutttt....I only have 1.25 lbs left to lose until I reach my first main goal of 300 lbs. so I think I will wait to tinker with my calories until I acheive that goal.
Me thinks me 177 pounds of lean mass requires more calories or it will go bye-bye.Okay, so I tried to change my profile to Male and the calories didn't change?????
~
I took the age quiz in SANDGEE's blog. It said I am 31 at heart. I'm actually going to be 30 next month....I guess you can say that my heart, mind, body and soul are all in alignment? LOL.
Food Total: 1282 cals
Wow. These day trips to Dallas are getting too frequent. I know it has already been a month since I was there last, but it seems soooo soon. Maybe it is because I only got three hours sleep last night and was out the door by 4:45 AM?
How am I going to consume 800 more calories in the next hour...before I collapse into bed?
Food Total: 2044 cals
Yesterday was one of my worst nutritional days in recent history. Completely over in the fats; did okay on sodium; not even close on carbs, fiber and protein.
But I did stay under calories, though.Prospective employer from San Antonio called to say the bad weather closed the airport this morning and that he was in his car headed this way. Most likely won't make it until 10:00. No prob! Still very excited (almost giddy) about this meeting. Oh, I need to call the receptionist and change my reservation.....done.
Okay, so yesterday I really didn't want to lift weights. I think I figured out why: I hate having to stop my groove to wait for a machine. I asked Scott if he wanted to switch to free weights and we tried it. It worked out pretty well and the free weight area isn't nearly as busy as the weight machine area and you get a better workout. So, I enjoyed working with the free weights and so did Scott. I need to find my old lifting gloves so my hands don't get calouses, though.
Interview Update: Wow. That was a great interview. Maybe the best one, ever. The guy has two other candidates to interview. I said, "yeah, but I am the best one"and he said "I think you may be right." I know I am because I asked him how he even found new people with the specialized skillsets required to do this kind of work and he tells me that there are three major skillset's that they look for, along with the right personalities, and when they find two out of three with the personality, they think they are doing good, and work on creating the rest. With me, I already have all three skillsets deeply developed and the personality. He said when they find all three (which has never happened, he admitted) that they feel like they hit the jackpot. I feel awesome. I feel like I have this one in the bag...with a $10k raise and the opportunity to travel. They pay you even more if you are willing to be a road warrior. Scott wants to be a stay at home dad, so I can do that! Am I glowing? LOL.
He said he will call me Tuesday (or sooner) and the next step will be me coming out to their offices for a day to meet with the team and pass their approval.
Food Total: 1960 cals
Exercise Minutes: 105 mins
Too.Danged.Funny. The guy that is going to interview me for the COOL accounting software consulting job called this morning to work out the detiails for our appointment for tomorrow. He suggested meeting in a restaurant. I suggested that we have a great conference room here at the office that I can reserve. So, guess what? Someone from San Antonio is flying out here to Houston to interview me at my current place of employment, using the company's conference room, in plain view of all the other employees in the building. The receptionist is going to call me and tell me that my 9:00 appointment is here.
That is the next best thing to fulfilling my sex-in-public fantasy! LOL. I am just getting the biggest kick out of that right now. What is even better, is that this guy that is going to interview me is all for it and didn't question it one bit. This is going to be great!!! I guess I like a little risk in my life, eh?
Ramblings: Is it true that excercising for just under two hours 4 times a week may not be benefiting me? I think that depends upon how the benefits are defined.
Could half of that two hours really not be contributing to my weight loss efforts? Possibly. I'd be willing to conceed that.
Does that mean I shouldn't be excersising like that? No. I get an incredible feeling of accomplishment after my workouts. It is my most favorite de-stressor of all time. There are TONS of people who excercise longer than I do for personal athletic reasons. People who run marathons have to do his. People that teach aerobics classes do this. Tri-athletes? Yup. Why is it so wrong to have personal, non-weight loss related, reasons to work out longer?
Should I eat more food if I am going to excercise that long? Probably. But I eat more calories if, and only if, I am hungry for them on any given day.
Am I missing something here? If any of you that read this think I am doing myself more harm than good, I'd love to hear your reasonings!
More: I sooooo don't want to do weight training today. And why not? I love it. I just want to go do cardio. I know I must do weight training as it will help to boost my metabolism. I don't want to do it. Hubby said we're going to lift weights.
Food Total: 2450 cals
Yay. I had an AWESOME talk with a good potential employer this morning. It is a job doing my accounting software consulting which I absolutely ADORED. It is also in San Antonio. The guy is going to be flying here on Friday to meet with a client for lunch and I am supposed to meet with him in the morning. I am soooo super excited about this. They even specialize in my favorite industry.
More posititve news is that I have passed the 30 lb mark! WooooooooHooooooooo. Super-duper excited about that one. I was in a fairly pissy mood yesterday after the whole job thing and barely put my best effort in at the gym. Okay, I didn't really put my best effort into it, at all. But, when I finished my treadmill I felt better and the rest of the yuck mood vanished when I hit the scales afterwards. I am officially down 31 lbs in 10 weeks. Two more pounds and I will have lost 10% of my body weight. I wanted to be under 300 for my birthday, which is a litle less than 4 weeks away, and I am SOOOOO going to make it. Most likely in the next 2 weeks.
Next goal? 284 lbs. That will be 1/3 of my excess weight gone.
I forgot to add that I am wearing the "new" slacks today and they are feeling, and looking, quie nice. I didn't have to suck it in to get them buttoned his morning. I also have on the "new" spring shirt with a cotton and lace tank underneath.
Note to self: Don't wear the "push up" bra with the cotton tanks. Yikes. I could frighten small children with the girls today. My cup runneth over??? Ewwwww.
Update: Woah! Much to much in the calorie dept. today. But I'm not over-full. It's so hard to tell for sure when you are eating out at local joints, though. I can't believe that those four little, flimsy tortillas had THAT many calories in them! Oh well. It doesn't matter in the long run. I average about 500 calories under "net" every day (according to CK's activity calories) so this won't be a big deal, at all. Lesson learned number 34...and counting.
Food Total: 2181 cals
Exercise Minutes: 97 mins
Blogging blogging blogging, keep those bloggers blogging, blogging blogging blogging, my blog!
I have that rawhide song echoing through the caverns of my empty mind this morning. Thought I'd change up the words a bit and write it here since I have nothing better to blog about in my bloggers blog today.
Have agreat day, fellow bloggers, er-journalers's...
~
Lifted from my April 5th blog entry:
Do I **really** want to continue working for a company that seriously makes decisions like these? Is it better to keep up with this insanity than to free myself and be forced to find something else? Remember how they lied to me about stock options? Remember when they screwed me out of the raise I was promised? Remember when they were talking up the whole bonus structure to lure me in and I got $500? Remember how I just didn't show up for two days one week and no one noticed I was gone? Remember that they are building new offices with day laborers, instead of a general contractor, and that the people who are there already say it smells like urine?Is it just me, or do I sound like a great big brat throwing a temper tantrum? Perhaps I can look at this more objectively now that the emotional aspect of the last three months has been removed? So, let's address my "issues" shall we? This will be fun.
Q: "Do I **really** want to continue working for a company that seriously makes decisions like these?" ("these" referring to the decision to offer me a position that I felt was not worthy of my greatness.)
A: This is the only position open in the company that they feel suits my skill set, as creating a position just to keep me is not an option. They also would not require me to take a pay cut, even though this position pays less than my current salary. They are trying to keep me. That should speak volumes, should it not?Get over yourself, already. Not everyone kisses the ground you walk on, your majesty!
Q: "Is it better to keep up with this insanity than to free myself and be forced to find something else?"
A: This "insanity" was me emoting over the train wreck of my former boss/position. Truth be told, most of the other people I have ever worked with in this company have been fun and I have great relationships established with them.
Q: "Remember how they lied to me about stock options?"
A: Can we say, you are stupid and naieve for not getting it in writing? When will you learn that people are scum? You are almost thirty now! People lie to get things they want. This won't get better by going somewhere else. People will lie there, too.
Q: "Remember when they screwed me out of the raise I was promised?"
A: Yeah, there is that. Again with the whole getting it in writing thing.
Q: "Remember when they were talking up the whole bonus structure to lure me in and I got $500?"
A: Yeah, there is that, too. At least I got a bonus? Lots of others didn't.
Q: "Remember how I just didn't show up for two days one week and no one noticed I was gone?"
A: Now, seriously. Why was this a problem, exactly? This place is not very structured and I like it that way. I wouldn't be happy in any other environment.
Q: "Remember that they are building new offices with day laborers, instead of a general contractor, and that the people who are there already say it smells like urine?"
A: Yankee Candle Company? Whitebarn Candle Company?Okay.
Something else to think about. My hubby and I both work here, although in completely seperate departments. We can come to work together, have lunch together, go home together, it is super-easy for us both to attend school functions together, the school is literally right around the corner from here, the gym is one mile from here, we live 13 minutes from here. How would our lives get screwed if I got a job, say, in the city? Swimming out, gym out, transportation costs up, family time down.
Besides, what would I do? I don't want a traditional accounting job. I want to establish my own business, but we are just not in the financial spot to do it right now. How terrible would it be, really, to do project management under a guy who isn't a manager? I am very skilled at being on top from the bottom. That was one of the things I loved about my original manager. He soooo couldn't manage so I managed him. And couldn't I do this for my family and to take care of myself? Less time at the gym means less weight loss. More time sitting in traffic means less time for the things I enjoy.
Perhaps I should look into accepting this position. It's SOOOOOO obvious that they value me and want to keep me here. They have never given anyone else time to find another job and that shows they are concerned for my family's well-being. Where else am I going to find that?
~
WHAT was I thinking? Them? Value someone? Ha. Testing the waters for this direction...bad bad bad responses. The first response is usually the correct one (See April 5 entry), no?
I can't figure these people out. Why would they be so seemingly gracious yet that not be the motivator? I'm no good at games. My head hurts. Can't wait to get to the gym.
Food Total: 2050 cals
Feeling kinda just *here* today. Son is still off school until tomorrow due to Easter. I should go finish the yard work today. Maybe work on clearing all the paperwork out of the study? Sweeping the floors? Definitely need to clean out the stove. If it is nice enough, maybe I can open the windows and let the oven self-clean? I don't feel like eating but I know I must. Yeah, I'll go eat and then maybe I'll feel like doing something.
Update: I was sitting at my desk typing and noticed my flabby under-arms. Which brought back a memory of an event that occured this morning when I was hugging Prince Charming. When I had my head resting on his chest and my arm around his waist, he ran his hand up my arm and proceeded to jiggle the flab. I think he does this for the same reason a cat chases a string--not to poke fun--but for some completely harmless entertainment. Either way, it makes me laugh and cry at the same time. He will not have the opportunity to do this for too much longer so he better enjoy it while it lasts. He says that I do the same thing to his butt, but he started it! And besides, he can tighten his butt-cheeks and no more jiggle. I can't do that for my arms, yet.
Have I mentioned lately how much I adore that man?
More: So.Bloated. I can feel it, taste it, and see it. Blech! I feel 10 pounds heavier today. My wedding ring actually fit today (not good). I am going to be sure to weigh myself at the gym tomorrow just to teach myself a lesson! There. Take that you crazy woman! And that! See that 310? You did it! LOL. I didn't need the stretchy pants yesterday, but they are sure calling my name right now! Baby blue plaid flannel pajama pants with the elastic waist. Yeah...that and the really super-soft cotton shirt that goes with it. Yep. I'm outie here.
Food Total: 2225 cals
Exercise Minutes: 100 mins
I was really hungry yesterday. I was craving anything with protein in it, so I decided to eat grilled meat at the party last night and only had a very small piece of the cookie-cake they had.
UFC was pretty cool. It was way more interesting than boxing, and it seemed safer, oddly enough. Everyone was sooo rowdy, and yelling, and jumping up and down...it was a great time. Some of the guys thought that Tito would kill Forrest so they placed a bet on their guy. Looks to me (and everyone else there) that Forrest should have won, so they decided that the money should go to those who wagered on Forrest, but those guys refused to take the money because Tito actually won, so that started a shouting match all by itself. When we left, all the money was still on the table becaue each side refused to take it. LOL. Boys.
Okay, so I am going to try for my ultra-workout today. I'm feeling better than I was yesterday, and confident that I can do it. So here's the goals:
25 Min. Stationary Bike (Avg. HR=113)
65 Min. Treadmill 3.3 MPH (Avg HR=134)
25 Min. Stairmaster Level 2 (Avg. HR=151)
Update: My knees weren't up for the 25 minutes on the stairmaster so I stopped at 10. Have the "easter feast" raw goods prepared and just need to cook now. I was down another 1/4 lb today. So, using my last 9 weeks as the benchmark, I should see a pretty big drop this week. It looks like my body likes to give me little losses for about 10 days then give me a big loss, then repeat that cycle. We'll see.
Okay, so I can't help it. I am an accountant and love to calculate stuff. I am going to break my weight loss into 6 13-week periods. Losing the 2 lbs per week, that will be 156 lbs lost at the end of those 6 periods. Just a little bit under what I need to lose, but close enough for today. Today I am starting week 10 in period 1. 13 weeks seems to go by pretty fast these days, so I will set my goals below.
Period 1 Ending Weight: 310 Target Date: 05/13/06 Achieved Date: 03/30/06
Period 2 Ending Weight: 284 Target Date: 08/12/06 Achieved Date:
Period 3 Ending Weight: 258 Target Date: 11/11/06 Achieved Date:
Period 4 Ending Weight: 232 Target Date: 02/10/07 Achieved Date:
Period 5 Ending Weight: 206 Target Date: 05/12/07 Achieved Date:
Period 6 Ending Weight: 180 Target Date: 08/11/07 Achieved Date:
More: Was this perhaps the first holiday eating event that I have not over-eaten for? I piled my plate up with the goods, as I really didn't eat lunch, and thought I was fairly hungry. Guess what? Most of it went right back into the serving apparati from whence it came. Didn't want it. Didn't need it. I quit eating when I was not hungry. Most of it didn't taste that good to me either, truth be told. The family loved it, so it must have tasted the same to them. Ham-yuck. WAY too salty. I am sooooo thirsty now.
Whole, fresh foods taste so much better to me now than all that crap I used to stuff myself with. I think I am going to try to find a way to slowly transition our holiday fare to healthy, whole foods. I can feel the sodium bloat already!
I am way under net calories for today and a little over on the food calories. Thanks to the raspberry cream cheese shake! Yum!
Sorry friends. I have to officially join the WTF club. We are all in the positions we are in because we thought to ourselves "oh, it's only one meal/day/weekend/week/month" MY A$$! No sympathy from me. I'm not going to pick y'all up off the floor tomorrow, dust y'all off, pat you on your fat a$$, and tell you it's okay. And that you can re-focus this week. F!@k that. It's not "okay." You made the decision that your health was less important than that meal/day/weekend/week/month. Deal with that before you come looking for support. Oy vay.
Food Total: 2171 cals
Exercise Minutes: 65 mins
Don't you hate it when you type your journal entry, click preview, then forget to save it?
~
I have been trying to take it easy today after my maniacal outdoor activities yesterday which left me sore, sunburned, and my feeties all tender. Just got back from the grocery store. I am begrudgingly preparing an "easter feast" for my adorable son. What in the world are we going to do with all that food? Betcha some of it has to be trashed because we just can't eat it all! Oh, well. He only gets one childhood.
I don't feel so special right now. Kinda blah, tummy kinda not happy, skin mad because there are clothes on it, feet really angry 'cause I gotta walk on 'em. Too much of a good thing is still TOO MUCH. Maybe some over-exposure yesterday?
I only lost 1.75 lbs this week and only 1/4" off the bod. Sucky. Probably from yesterday's excursion--body's all yuck. I'm trying to do good today--taking it easy, drinking up the water....staying indoors. I want to go crawl into a closet with a half gallon of ice cream and call it a day. Think anyone will miss me, or the ice cream? LOL.
Oh yeah, we are supposed to go to the neighbors to enjoy UFC tonight. I hope I feel like going. My neighbors rock! Not to mention hubby is REALLY looking forward to the drinking, the salty foods, and the testosterone.
Food Total: 2130 cals
Exercise Minutes: 60 mins
Crisis of confidence. That is me since last night. This is something completely foreign to me, and I could barely muster up the realization to admit to it, out loud, to the man who adores me. I have not felt anything less than 100% confidence in a good, long time. I really have no reason to not feel 100% right now, either, except for I am allowing my confidence to waiver. The pressure of two house payments, maintaining two houses (300 miles apart, I might add), a pending 70% drop in income, a car payment, my wardrobe issues, and our student loan payments are all adding together in my calculator brain. Not to mention that my son is in a private school that he ADORES and I'd hate to take him out of such a loving and academically challenginig enviroment. I could probably get a scholarship for his tuition, but it is still pressure.
Prince Charming and I talked for a long time last night. He is wonderful and will do anything in the world to support me. He suggested that maybe I should stop losing weight until I get a job so that the clothes won't be an issue. I know he meant well, and it sounds like a financially sound idea, but the reality of life is that people still look at fat people like they are sub-standard people, and therefore, sub-standard employees. Getting a job will be easier if I am thinner. Period. Not to mention that I really don't think that I can intentially consume the 3,700 calories per day that are required for me to maintain my current weight. I would be sick.
I already feel better just getting this out of my brain and in front of me. I think I am going to go have breakfast with my son and spend some time with him today. He is out of school until Tuesday.
Update: So far, today has been a wonderful day (after my little mini breakdown above). I have been outside almost all day with my son playing in the water with him, working in the yard and just enjoying the sunshine and the sea breeze. I feel awesome. Scott just called and said they were going to get out of work early today and the neighbor is going to take my boy to the batting cages with his boy in about a half hour. I am going to get a little less clothing on when he is gone and just let my skin relish in the glorious sun while listening to the birds and the wind chimes!!!
*21 days remaining to find a job*
Food Total: 1816 cals
Exercise Minutes: 107 mins
I did way better on the fat and sodium yesterday. Really close to target, actually. My last pair of new slacks seemed rather tight yesterday. I don't know if it was because they were made a little smaller than the other three, or if it was bloat because of all the sodium I have been consuming, or a combo. Either way, it wasn't pleasant and I am going to really work hard on reducing my sodium.
My 4 oz. of cottage cheese for AM snack has almost 500 mg of sodium. The safeway soups that I love have an absolute TON of sodium, so I am going to quit eating that when what I have is gone, or at least limit it to once a week, tops. We used to eat yogurt, instead of cottage cheese, but it just got sickeningly sweet so we switched to cottage cheese. The protein is an extra bonus there, though. It's not like I eat a bunch of heavily processed or pre-packaged foods, either.
Well, my kiddo's school is having a "Flowering of the Cross" this morning so I am going to go find out what that is all about. I am clueless. He went and picked out some fresh flowers at the grocery store this morning. I was proud of him: he intentonally picked from the cheaper bunches! That's my boy!!!
Update: Flowering of the cross, in a nutshell, symbolizes the new life that Jesus Christ gave us by dying on the cross. The children in the school all took turns adding a fresh flower to a cross covered in chicken wire in the chapel. It was very touching and beautiful. My son's teacher took a picture of my son and I in front of it. I will use that as my updated photo on here when I get it. I'm curious to find out if I will be able to see any changes in my pictures.
Elementary school children are very raucous. People that teach the elementary grades should be eligible for sainthood!!! I need to find some motrin...
More: Woah. I just spent my 1:00 PM hour slowly nibbling on the carrot slices from lunch and just now finished another 34 oz. of water. I am feeling bloated now. Hopefully it will go away before we get to the gym. And I still didn't have my cottage cheese and apple from this morning. Woopsie.
Job Update: I heard back from the recruiter on the job I interviewed for last week. They decided to offer the job to someone else for these two reasons: I have only lived in very large metropolitan areas and living out there is VERY different and they were afraid I really wouldn't like it (I thought the very same thing myself), and they finally decided that they really wanted someone with a little less IT in their past and a little more traditional accounting (fair enough) and they found an MBA who wanted to move out there to be with family.
I DON'T want a traditional accounting job. Blech.
*22 days remaining to find a job*
Food Total: 2033 cals
Today is a wonderful day and I feel like the universe is giving me a great big hug! I am going to do some more job hunting this morning then do some work on my diet. I need to find a way to get my sodium and fat lower. All the sodium is making me thirsty and all that fat just can't be very good for me. Not to mention that I read an article yesterday about some weird diet drug that blocks your system from absorbing up to 25% of the fat you take in. But, here is the kicker, it gets passed in your BM's which can make you gassy and oily-ewwwwwww! And people do this to themselves--on purpose--intentionally! That was all the "visual" I needed to make my own changes, without those, um, side effects?
LOL...so, I should take that pill, get my body set on fire once a week, get someone to clean my colon, get detox'd, eat 900 calories a day for three months with no carbs, excercise everyday for two hours without breaking a sweat, and be sure to replace at least two meals a day with a shake and I should be in pretty good shape! You know, just a little somthin' to get me going in the right direction.
Maybe I can get Dr. Ruth to endorse my idea? She's really a doctor, you know?
Correction: I thought the smash diet was a piece of fiction. My bad. Sorry, friends. No harm intended, seriously. It sounded too funny to me to be real.
Mmmm, tasty.
Update: Well, shoving my foot inside my mouth tasted better than my planned clam chowder lunch. Yuck. I only took about two bites and just couldn't do it. Good thing Prince Charming keeps a jar of peanut butter and some ritz on hand for "emergencies." So, that was lunch along with the carrot slices I brought.
More: My former boss is in town today. I love that man, he is so wonderful. I wish they would have never moved me under the other jackass. We talked for a while. He feels really bad about what has been going on because he moved us out here, convinced me that this was a wonderful company to work for, and he thinks I was a perfect fit for the original job description--which I was. It was kinda sad, too. I am going to miss him a lot.
*23 days remaining to find a job*
Food Total: 2219 cals
Exercise Minutes: 110 mins
We tried tofu for the first time last night. Maybe I just didn't cook it right? It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good, either. Prince Charming didn't care much for it, at all. Not only that, but the cottage cheese that we eat has way more protein in it, and it tastes better. We are going to give it another shot with something more flavorful, though. We have a recipe for broccoli cheddar soup with tofu that we will try next.
I am going to start visiting some local small businesses at 10:30 this morning up until lunch time. I calculated that I will need about 12 regular clients to keep us in our same financial zone. If I can visit about 20 a day, I should be able to identify 12 that can use my services by May 5th. I'm also going to look into a membership with the chamber of commerce. They seem to have a pretty busy social calendar and I love to socialize for business. I'm also going to continue with the job hunt until I can get some kind of client base established. I also should be able to find some kind of part-time bookkeeping work in the paper if I look. However, finding one that pays well will be the challenge. They usually don't.
Today is gym day and I am anxious to get there. I am feeling a little sore this morning. I also want to see if I have dropped more weight. I feel like I have. I know a lot of people say it is not good to weigh yourself three or four times a week (or every day) but it is good for me because it really keeps me focused on what I am doing. I can't count the number of times I have made better choices because I knew the scale would throw the wrong one's right back at me. I know I am not going to lose everyday, and I don't. But it is okay. As long as I look thinner or as long as my measurements are decreasing or as long as there is any kind of weight loss, I will be A-Okay with it. This will work for me until it is natural and automatic for me to make the right choices.
Update: I talked to a bunch of super-nice people today. I also realized that I need to focus my efforts a little bit better. While it will be a great time to get to know all of the small businesses in my community, at the end of the day I need them to buy my services. The people I talked to today are not those people. A few of them recommended joining the local chamber of commerce, as well. I will visit the local chamber meetings and determine which one will be the best fit. I think I know which one it will be, but I need to make the decision based on trying it out. I am going to work on finding the right audience for my services the rest of today.
More: I MUST GET MY FAT AND SODIUM LEVELS UNDER CONTROL.
I am just cruising now with the whole calorie counting thing, but I have noticed both my fat and sodium creeping up week after week. The buck stops here, baby! I am up to 40% fat and 3800 sodium!!!!! Yikes.
So, on a happy note, the scale was down again today. I really thought that I had dropped some weight. Yay. 8 more pounds to go to my mini-goal.
*24 days remaining to find a job*
Food Total: 2025 cals
I am feeling quite happy today. I have my two-sizes smaller slacks on, with a really pretty silk shirt that is too big (oh well). My wedding ring will no longer stay on. It is in my jewelry box. I tried to put it on a chain around my neck but it looked SUPER retarted.
Hubby made a joke about him out-growing our relationship which is why the ring won't fit anymore. I know he was kidding, but I have something emotional wrapped up in wearing my wedding band and I just didn't find it funny. He asked me what it was and the only thing I could put to words was something along the lines of "I want the whole world to know that *I* am married to the most wonderful man in the universe." I'm not sure what the emotional aspect is, but I now have the next 12 months to figure it out because I am not going to ruin my ring by getting it re-sized every eight weeks.
Scott asked me if I was wearing my new slacks this morning. I said "Yep, I am wearing my future fat pants."
As of yesterday, I am down 27.25 lbs and approximately 13 inches in just about 8 weeks.
I am losing this weight MUCH faster than I put it on!!! Getting these smaller slacks on has renewed my vigor and interest in my lifestyle changes. I really haven't lost any motiviation over the last 8 weeks, but it is renewed anyway.
Enough about all that. I am off to the employment search for the next few hours. Although, I really just want to consult. But I am going to be diligent and work on both getting a job and creating my own. Whatever happens first, wins!
*Warning* **Spiritual ramblings below**
I really want to consult. The idea of expending my efforts for an institution who will not appreciate them makes me ill. I have incredible God-given talents that are not being utilized. I am amazing wih people, wonderful at what I do, as dependable as the sun, and I would never do ANYTHING to intentionally bring harm to another person, business, etc. I was happiest when I was consulting full time for myself. I learned a lot of lessons when that business failed. I would be doing something that goes against who I am designed to be by doing anything less than that which I am built to do. I am not going to be happy working for another company. I have too much to offer lots of companies to work just for one. I feel like God is pushing me back into that which I love, and am skilled to do. Sure, it is scary to go out on your own. Yes, we wanted to buy another house when the lease is up at this house. This decision will affect everything we wanted to do in the next few years. But I want to be happy in my work. That is more important than buying stuff that won't make me happy.
Lifted this from DSNYDER's blog as it speaks to me in my situation:
I suggested that this is a good reminder when we think of Pilate who lost sight of his truth and got himself into the postion of crucifying Christ (according to the Gospel of John) in order the appease the religious leaders. For those of us who, like Pilate, compromise our truths and commitments over and over again in order to be successful (or to at least get by) and to please and appease others, it is good to remember that Christ came to rescue us from the hells we make for ourselves when we lose our truths ... and our souls.
Thank you, D!
*25 days remaining to find a job*
Food Total: 2036 cals
Exercise Minutes: 90 mins
Personal training session was all admin today. She told me that I need to double my protien intake and work on lowering the fat and sodium. Double the protein? She said that I should be getting 180 g at minimum. I'm not really sure what to think about that. I feel fine. I perform fine. ?????
Anyway, I'm feeling kinda low-key right now and I think I am going to take a shower then do some reading.
Update: Did I say I was feeling low-key? Maybe I was just hungry. LOL. I went out and soaked up some glorious sunshine, watered the flower beds and pulled HUNDREDS of weeds. I love spring.
I did some more research about this protein thing. Looks like the average adult woman needs 50 g per day. CK recommended 113 g per day. I am already at 100 g. Does my fat-ass seriously need all that extra protein? For what? Do my fat cells need the protein to stay strong and healthy? Personally, I'm busting my butt to make sure they wither up and die!
Oh well. I distinctly remember our nutritionist telling us to eat the recommended servings of meat. She didn't say anything about me needing to eat QUADRUPLE what the average woman needs. I am not the size of four women. Just two. Or maybe three *really* small women.
Ewwww. Speaking of small women. There was a woman at the gym who, I kid you not, had upper arms that were SMALLER than my WRISTS!!! She was a cool 5' 8" as well. Probably wore at least a size 8 shoe. O.M.G. I was probably as grossed-out watching her excercise as she probably was watching me! She didn't even have any butt cheeks. Of course, I wondered what her ass would look like with no squish. Would someone that skinny even have a crack? I just can't fathom it. I was at the gym almost three hours total and she was there before I arrived and was there when I left. I felt really sad for her. My trainer told me that she was a nutritionist and they were trying to find a legal way to intervene, but they couldn't. I seriously COULD NOT take advice from a nutritionist who looked like that.
Oh, my trainer also used my BMI from CK (because I had already worked out before my appointment and she said that she can't take any measurements after I had worked out) and she put in some other data about me and the computer concluded that with a BMI of 44 today, that I would be 2% fat at 133 lbs. So, she concluded that my BMI cannot possibly be 44 right now and she said that we will calculate it more correctly on our next session. I am VERY happy about that. I'm not sure I quite understand how the computer backed into all those numbers, but I am just very happy that my BMI is lower than that. I know I am a very sturdy woman, but it makes me feel better when the computer and other health care professionals agree. I would look like the above mentioned woman at 130 lbs. I think I hit that 130 lb mark when I was 8 or 9 years old and never looked back. LOL.
*26 days remaining to find a job*
Food Total: 1948 cals
Exercise Minutes: 55 mins
I ate too much food yesterday. Again, I wasn't to the over-full stage because I just can't do that to myself anymore. I tried to log it all, but I don't think it is right. I think, WORST case scenario, that I went over by 500 calories. I was under about 300 from the day before, so I guess it really isn't too bad. I know my sodium was way high and I have check-in this morning. I have been hitting the water pretty hard last night and this morning in hopes I can get some of the retention out of my system before I weigh myself.
Today is just an hour of cardio, per my compromise with hubby. I'm still bummed about it just a smidge, but Sunday is my day. He and the kiddo stay home and I work myself into a coma. I am meeting with a personal trainer tomorrow, so I ought to be extra wiped-out! *IF* she is any good, that is.
Update: Woohoo and Yippie!!! My new slacks came in today while I was out with a friend doing girly things. She stayed for a while afterwards to hang with us and I *HAD* to excuse myself to try on my new SMALLER slacks. She insisted that I model them for her, so I went and put them on, then put the slacks I wore to work yesterday on over them and walked out. She looked puzzled. LOL. So, I did a little cat-walk like turn and pose and then said "Yesterday" then unzipped the old slacks and let them fall to the floor and said "Today" and did another little cat-walk thing. And she said "Wow! They look great!" They are two sizes smaller and they look awesome. I am so happy. And her reaction was the greatest.
I am having a great weekend so far and expect it to continue into tomorrow. I hope all of you are enjoying the weekend, as well! Oh, yeah. I am very excited about the personal training session tomorrow.
Oh, and I guess I am supposed to be conserned about the lack of income heading my way on May 5th, so.....
*27 day remaining to find another job*
He he
Food Total: 2525 cals
I was sooooo sick to my stomach last night after the gym. Why do I *decide* that going off my birth control pills for a few months is a good idea? I KNOW what is going to happen when I start taking them again! Hello, stupid! You are going to be sick to your stomach for a week, or so! Are there REALLY any signs of life in the brain??? How many times do you have to do this to yourself before you "get it?" Oh my.
So, I was way under calories last night. I was barely able to choke down a piece of bread with peanut butter. I know I had to eat something, though. Man that was miserable!
With that said, I did have a great workout. It seemed harder than usual, but I suspect that may have something to do with getting my testoterone levels back under control? I guess I don't know, for sure, though. I am an accountant, not a physician. I was down another .25 lb from Sunday. I was afraid that the Yasmin might cause me to gain weight, but it looks like it won't be so bad. I am emotionally prepared for it, though.
My wedding band is just about to fall off my hand, and it already does when my hand is wet. We got the insurance on mine when we bought it because I knew I would eventually drop this weight. I don't want to keep getting it re-sized, but I don't want to not be able to wear it, either. Hubby says I should just put it on a chain around my neck until I am done losing weight, but I don't know. That will be about a year from now, if not more. I'll feel naked wihout it.
Today's plan is to look at the new job postings on careerbuilder and monster. I have dry cleaning to pick up and film to retrieve. I am not going to bother looking in the local newspapers until Sunday. I am thinking about getting some business cards printed and trying to pick up some more consulting work in the interim. If I can get enough work, maybe I won't need a job. Yeah, maybe I'll go do that, too. They can be pretty cheap and I already have a business website, e-mail address and mobile phone.
Update: Business cards ordered. They should be here Monday about 3:00pm. I am going to work this weekend on identifying potential clients and finding some law firms and CPA firms to meet with and see about partnering up with them. Then I am going to pound the pavement, so to speak, and call up all my professional contacts. Woohoo! What an adventure.
More: Oh my, we just got back from lunch and I ate too much. I am not uncomfortably full but I ate over that "satiated" mark that I have been doing so well with reaching, then stopping at, lately. Worst part is we are going to a friend's house for dinner tonight and the wife is Italian. I've never had home-cooked italian before. Well, I guess I will still enjoy it, even though I won't be able to eat much. He warned us that she makes oodles and oodles of food (as that is how she was raised) and absolutely insited that we not bring anything. How could I forget that and decide to go out for Mexican at LUNCH??? Can I blame it on the "stess" of being laid off? Can I, pleeeeeeeeeeeease? LOL. Yeah, like I am *really* feeling any stress about that. Ha!
*28 days remaining to find a job (or make one for myself )*
Food Total: 1735 cals
Exercise Minutes: 102 mins
I ate well yesterday. We have eaten out every day this week and I have stayed right in calorie range each day. I am happy about that. Last night I wanted a fairly substantial bowl of chocolate pudding so I made sure not to eat "expensive" salad dressing, skipped the usual baked potato with butter, and ate half a bowl of clam chowder so that I could do it. I got half the sized bowl of pudding and whipped cream than I used to, and it was about two bites too much. Not bad.
So today I am going to update my monster.com account, create a careerbuilder.com account, and hubby told me about hot jobs? I will look at the local newspaper website if I have the chance today and see if there is anyhing interesting on it. I think I will also look up jobs in Dallas next week. We have a house there that will be empty in three weeks...might as well!
Today is gym day, back to our normal routine. I kinda missed not doing weights on Tuesday. I think my new slacks will arrive today. I am very excited about smaller slacks! I also need to look in the closet and see what I have left to wear that is suitable for an interview.
I was going to go get my nails done and dust off the makeup, but I decided that I need to be me. I know that I will not maintain any of that when I get a job and do not want to come across as super-polished just to get a job. I am not like that everyday. If that matters to a potential employer, I will be able to figure it out when I interview and I can simply decline any offer, if one is presented, from that kind of environment.
Note to self: What is the "perfect" job and work environment for me?
~ Male to female ratio 100:1
~ No timeclocks
~ A little flexibility in the schedule for family stuff
~ Standard benefit package, minimum, plus annual bonus
~ Opportunity for some public speaking, presenting or teaching
~ Report directly to a male
~ Not too many layers, or too much structure
~ Min. revenue => 30 M
~ Substantial organic growth over the prior three years, or other formal gowth plan
~ Manufacturing environment preferred, distribution 2nd
~ Entrepreneurial management, fun environment
~ Managing fewer than 3 people, none preferred
~ Flexibility in job duties, some special projects that will positively impact efficiency/profitability of company
~ An opportunity to nurture my analytical and creative talents in data analysis, report development, and/or systems design and implementation
I will compare any prospective employers to the list above and go from there.
*29 days remaining to find a job*
Food Total: 1818 cals
I am happy for my real life. Virtual lives can get real ugly, apparently. Who woulda thunk it? I want to thank all of you that have sent me words of encouragement and for those of you who are praying for me, sending me happy energy, or otherwise wishing me well behind the scenes. I am not exactly the first person to jump up and offer y'all encouragement through PM's, but I do pray for (and think of) some of you when you are struggling. Despite all of our differences, you are all special people to me!!!
Today will be a fascinating day in my life. I'll update my blog/journal/diary/whatever as the events progress for those of you who are interested. I hope all of you have a fantastic Wednesday.
Current job update: I was offered the *exact* same position I turned down a few weeks ago. Except it was made worse by the fact that I'd have to report to someone who 1.) Isn't even here 2 out of 5 days each week because of some drama at home; 2.) Has absolutely no management skills; 3.) He has ZERO control over anything in his personal life; and 4.) I trained him.Man, that's going to be a difficult decision, isn't it? LOL. I guess I should be offended, but I find it incredibly amuzing, instead. I smiled and said, as seriously as I could, that I wanted to take the afternoon to think about it. We have a "formal" meeting scheduled for tomorrow morning.
Interview Update: The interview went well. It seems like the opportunity will be a good fit for my passions and personality. Only one other woman onsite--the receptionist. They said Odessa/Midland is very hot and windy in the summer and very cold and windy in the winter. Not much green anywhere and not close to any big cities. Hmm. Can't say I'm thrilled with the idea of picking up and moving, again, but we'll see where this goes. I am to exprect a call back sometime in the next two weeks. Okay.
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Note to self: Do I **really** want to continue working for a company that seriously makes decisions like these? Is it better to keep up with this insanity than to free myself and be forced to find something else? Remember how they lied to me about stock options? Remember when they screwed me out of the raise I was promised? Remember when they were talking up the whole bonus structure to lure me in and I got $500? Remember how I just didn't show up for two days one week and no one noticed I was gone? Remember that they are building new offices with day laborers, instead of a general contractor, and that the people who are there already say it smells like urine?
Update: I decided to talk to the Big Boss about the job offer from the other lady this morning. They are going to give me thirty days to find a new job, on company time even. Isn't that sweet of them?
More: I turned off all the forum references on my Today page this morning. I am not qualified to give my opinion to people needing help because I have only lost 26 lbs so far and have not accomplished any kind of athletic or nutritional feats of great significance. I don't like to ruffle feathers. I don't like to see people be mean to other people. This site didn't draw me in to any of that today with it being absent from my Today page. Nice. I thought about making my journal/blog private, but I know there are some of you out there who like reading it and sometimes get inspired. I don't want to quit having a positive affect on anyone. I just prefer to live my life as oblivious to the icky-ness in the world, as possible! It makes for a very happy me.
*30 days remaining to find a job*
Food Total: 2139 cals
Exercise Minutes: 85 mins
I am at work right now. Although I don't technically have a job. I am carrying on with work that needs to be done as if I do. I suppose at some point in the next day, or so, someone in management will come talk to me? Until then, I will continue to do that which I am suited to do.
My son has an Easter performance this evening at his school. He has been repeating his lines to us a lot. It will be so cute. I think he is going to be one of the disciples? Last time I went to the Christmas play, it was so awesome and it brought me to tears. That NEVER happens. But you can tell all those little children love Jesus and it was very touching. Such a HUGE difference from the public schools he has attended. Even the music teacher was brought to tears.
We will not be able to go to the gym after work. However, I am going to go once my kiddo is settled in at home when we get there tonight. Scott can get him to get his bath, brush teeth, etc...I need to go to the gym and keep my routine solid. I thought about getting up early this morning and working on picking up jogging, but I am really scared of an injury right now, so I decided to go to the gym later, instead.
I had to add another three tops to my fat clothes piles this morning. I have mixed feelings about this. But it will be alright I think! Well, off to do this work that needs to get done even though it may, or may not, be my job anymore.
Update: Grrr. It looks like the lady that has been trying to get me to work for her is doing so again a little under-handedly, in my opinion. I told her that I am not willing to take her job, as it is defined. Also looks like my old job, as it was in January, is not an option because they don't think there is enough work.
The recruiter from last week called me back just now and wants to schedule an interview for tomorrow or Thursday, as the CFO is in Houston right now. Apparently both the plant manager and the CFO are impressed by my resume and references, so far.
I don't have any feelings about any of this right now. I still have my peace about the situation that I had yesterday. I am going to finish the day like I alwas do. Tomorrow will come when it is time.
More: Oh, no. Here we go again. See, it isn't just God, prayer, blessings, and praises that offends everyone here. It seems to be any kind of vocalization of opinions, on any topic. Get a grip girls, really!
I'm thankful that CK has provided such great tools for me to use every day to help me succeed during this phase of my life.
Job Update: I have an interview at 1:00 tomorrow with the CFO mentioned above. I have a meeting tomorrow morning at the current place of business to discuss my "future" with the company. Yeah, like there is actually a "future" here for me...I quit thinking that months ago.
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Note to self: Starting back on b.c. today.
Food Total: 1997 cals
I am at work right now. I am miserable at work. This is it, though. I cannot be someone I am not and don't want to, either. I love me. I love my skills. I love my personality. I love my intellect. I love my values. I am awesome just the way I am right here and right now.
I am going to tell my boss that I cannot work for him and will ask to be put back into the other department I was in. I don't care what else happens. I must be true to myself and trust that God made me the way I am for a good reason. Not a reason that will make me stay awake at night with worry and not a way that makes me feel inadequate and stupid.
Update: The boss agrees that we cannot work together. I am now supposed to talk to the head of the department that I used to work for and see if they have a place for me. I sent an e-mail to him. You know, right now I just so don't care about what happens. I am feeling very much relieved that I am officially relieved of my "duties" of the job which I should have never been placed in. Had I known that this was what I was signing up for, I NEVER would have done it!
More: I am at peace with everything right now. I am not worried about work at all. I feel light and free. What a great feeling to have in the middle of worldly uncertainty and change. Thank you, Father, for the certainty that all my needs will be met, every day of my life.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I am wearing my new shirt comfortably today. You know, the one that shrank a couple weeks ago in the wash? It has pretty colors on it and makes me feel spring-y. lol. And the arms fit better today than they did that first time I wore it.
Food Total: 1901 cals
Exercise Minutes: 115 mins
Nothing inspiring to report, yet. I am going to go to the gym this morning, go grocery shopping, and get ready for our first Houston CKers gathering. I am looking forward to meeting some new friends. Here are my goals for the gym today:
25 Mins. Stationary Bike
65 Mins. Treadmill
25 Mins. Stairmaster
I felt incredible after I made it through last Sunday's workout. That was 110 minutes. I want to up it to 115 because I want to try for 25 minutes on the stair machine, instead of 20. I remember it wasn't too many weeks ago that I could barely do 3 minutes. I love seeing progress.
CK shows over 1,400 calories burned in those 115 minutes, but I just can't buy into that. It seems so far over the top. I don't think I am going to weight train on Sunday. Twice a week will be plenty for now.
Prince Charming is hoovering, so he must want to get on the computer. TTFN.
Update: The workout was too easy??? What in the heck is up with that? It was almost boring. I felt like I just got done watching a two hour movie, instead of doing a two hour workout. I gotta fix that! I am going to record my stats. My heart rate was considerably lower than last week, though.
Stationary Bike Avg. HR=121
Treadmill Avg. HR=133
Stairmaster Avg HR=149
Oh well. Off to the rest of my day.
More: Disclaimer-I am NOT bashing anyone with the following statement. Different strokes for different folks, you know? I was doing some thinking today at the gym (like I tend to do). I have another goal to set for myself and celebrate when I acheive it. As I understand it, your BMI has to be over 40 to qualify for weight loss surgery if you are otherwise healthy. I am TERRIFIED of being cut open and would be mortified if someone (like my doctor) approached me about doing it. I am going to celebrate when my BMI is under 40. Then I WILL NO LONGER BE A CANDIDATE FOR WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY. For whatever DUMB reason, that will be a huge relief for me. I know--I am crazy. But hey, aren't we all in our own way?
Food Total: 2522 cals
Exercise Minutes: 62 mins
Another Saturday. Yay. I woke up to a really sweet PM from one my fellow CKers. Everyone on CK is sooo awesome. Even the ones who have different opinions and values than I do. Hehe
Today will only be an hour at the gym because of my deal with Prince Charming. In a way I am a little disappointed, but I can make up for it tomorrow. Marriage first! I'm sure there are lots of people who would love to have the ability to excercise for an entire hour. I will count my blessings!
It is also weigh-in and measurement day today. I am looking forward to it, even if I do gain some of my 5.25lb back that I seemed to have lost this week already. This is kinda high, anyway. But, I don't *think* I will gain any back. Just not feeling it.
After the gym we are meeting a friend for lunch. I think we are going to try an Italian restaurant we haven't been to yet. Today starts my first trial day of eating more intuitively. I am going to give my body what it wants, in portions it wants, and log afterwards. I am confident this will work out well. I want to treat my body right. Wish me luck!
We also have to clean our McMansion today.
It's okay, just 11 more months, or so, left of that, then it's back to normal middle class-ville for the Lawlor family--I can't wait!!!!!!!
Update: Had agood workout. Pushed myself to 3.4 MPH on the treadmill for a 20 minute interval. Not bad. Our friend cancelled for lunch but we are going to go, anyway. My turn for the shower...
More: I ate an entire piece of cheesecake today. 1/3 of it at lunch at 2/3 just now. I think I am going to be sick. I got all three green check marks for like the first time, ever. I wish I could use whiteout on the one that is green now because of the cheesecake. There is just something so wrong about getting your greenmark by eating an entire piece of cheesecake that makes you sick. Oh, yeah, and there was nothing "intuitive" about eating that cheesecake either. My brain wanted it, not my body. I really need to quit watching Food Network with my son. It always makes me think I want to eat. Although, honestly, I usually don't have a problem. I am just making excuses for being dumb.
On an off-note, there seems to be one very loud, bitter, unhappy member here. I wish I could give this person a hug and let this person know that someone loves them (well, besides Jesus, of course). People that are hurting inside have a special place in my heart. I presume there is an inside hurting because I've never seen a happy, fulfilled person behave like that before. I am going to pray for you and ask God to send someone to embrace you. If someone comes to you from out of the blue and offers a hug, accept it.
