Food Total: 2076 cals
Yay! Wooohooo and Yippie!!! Scott **almost** enjoyed working out with his new friend at the gym yesterday. I had a PHENOMENAL workout and added an extra HAPPY ten minutes to it. That was awesome. It works better for both of us if we do not weight train together. YAY YAY YAY. Can you tell I am happy? LOL.
Also, another happy thing is that I am down 17 lbs. in March.
And another happy thing? I am comfortable wearing a pair of slacks I have not been able to fit into for five years, and even five years ago, they weren't this cozy.
Need another happy thing? Okay. Today is Friday. And I will have all of my work done for this program *on time* and I will get to train our sales directors next week.
Not enough, yet? Alrighty. Another happy thing is that we got paid today since the 1st is Saturday.
Still more? Yes! It is April. It is Spring. I don't have to water my yard. It has been raining. I feel fantastic. I am HAPPY! My lawn looks great. I don't have to go out of town this weekend!!!
Update: I am not going to let unhappy people affect me. My boss is a people. I am supposed to love ALL people. Some things in life are harder to do than others.
My stomach hurts. But I am still happy. What's goin' on in thar'?
More: Ooooooooh. A call from a recruiter out of the blue, yesterday. This one actually called me back while I was at lunch just now. That doesn't happen usually when I tell them about my personality and passions and what I am looking for. I love the feeling of being wanted for who and what I am. I wish I had it more often in the professional realm. I'm going to return her call and give her my references.
Still More: I need to reflect on my March goals and think about April. My goal was to lose 10 lbs. in March. I lost 17. Woohoo! So, for April, I am going to still shoot for 10 because then I will be at my first short term goal of 300 lbs. And that will be a 36 lb. loss in 12 weeks. I can do 10, but I really hope I drop that 10 by April 15th. That would rock!
Food Total: 1945 cals
Exercise Minutes: 112 mins
What a busy day, so far. I have a ton of work to do today and I lost four hours dealing with the social security office with Scott this morning. I'll be glad when this crap is over.
I ate too much food for lunch. My body told me to stop eating at 1/3 of my sandwich but I made myself eat half because my calorie counting said I needed to eat half. I think I am going to try eating according to what my body says, regardless of what the calorie counting says and see what happens. My body seems to be more accurate.
I can tell the difference between what I want because it tastes good in my memory versus what my body wants and needs for fuel. I have been quite successful at just taking small tastes of the stuff I want to taste. Like having two french fries, or one piece of chocolate, or one bite of this or that just to taste it. If I sat down and ate a bunch of any of these things, I would feel horrible afterward. The idea of eating an entire order of fries just grosses me out.
I think I'll start April 1 and try that whole month of April and see what happens. If I still keep up my current 3 lb per week loss, I will go with my body signals and just log everything afterward. This will be interesting.
Tonight is gym day. I hope Scott's friend is there so I can workout in complete contentment.
Oh yeah, I forgot to confess my "bi-polar" episode from yesterday. I got a coupon in e-mail from one of the stores I buy my clothes from. I decided to check out bras online and, for kicks, looked at the price of the slacks that I usually buy. They had them on sale online for 2 for $59.99 (They are $49.99 each at the store) plus I had a 33% discount coupon. I WAS STOKED. So, I bought 4 pair that are two sizes smaller than my current slacks that are baggy, and I bought 2 pair that are 4 sizes smaller than the existing slacks (I had to spend at least a certain dollar amount to get to use the coupon). I had tried on the 2 sizes smaller slacks at the store when I went a few weeks ago. They were tight, but I got them on. By the time they arrive and we do laundry, they ought to fit a bit better.
At checkout it said that I had saved over $170.00. Yeah baby! Not that I would have paid that much for them, anyway. LOL. I was sooo excited so I called up prince charming and told him about it. He just doesn't get excited about getting great deals. But he loves me anyway.
Update: I know this to be true: If there is something that makes a person "uncomfortable" then my experience has shown me that the "thing" that makes the person feel that way is something that person needs to explore on a deeper level. That is a sign, if you will, that the "thing" is not quite settled inside of your intellect/spirit/soul/whatever. If the "thing" was settled inside of you, you would have peace with it. Much like when you accept that you are only 5 ' 4" tall (or whatever). The "thing" becomes something that just *is* and you will no longer find yourself "uncomfortable" with it.
Take those opportunities from your emotional/intellectual selves to expand YOUR understanding of this precious, diverse world we live in. Don't cover up these special opportunities for growth with fear, hate, grief, righteousness, or whatever other emotions you may be experiencing, over the thing that makes you uncomfortable. Take a chance and grow a little.
Food Total: 2041 cals
My job is finally starting to shape up the way it was supposed to nine months ago. My boss is on board for my ideas (so it seems at the moment, anyway) and I feel like I am actually contributing to the company again. I tried to do something a little different with the website and created a fairy-tale-like structured page about the new program. He encouraged me to think outside the box, so I did. However, I don't know if he'll approve. I'm going to do what I can to get him to approve it. It is cute, easy to read, and packed full of information in a fun format. It reads in less than a minute--just right! I can get our marketing manager to doll it up for the web.
It is decided. Scott and I do not work out well together. I enjoy my weights. He hates them. He sucks my enjoyment right out of me. I ended up in a crappy mood after weight lifting yesterday and it took all my willpower to get going on the cardio after I dumped his cranky-sourpuss butt off in the spin class. He is going to workout with his new friend at the gym on Thursday (who also hates lifting but knows the benefit). I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to that!
I told him on the way home that he sucked my joy out of me like a leech and he felt kinda bad about it. He wanted to quit lifting. I told him our two options are to leave work and go lift for a while, or stay at work until class starts. Amazingly, he said the two are interchangeable to him. Oh, brother. I was willing to give up my Saturday lifting, in exchange for him putting up with the 15 minute ab class on Tue/Thu. I guess he forgot about our "deal." He is sooo pissy about it--oh my. I love him just the same. His blindness usually doesn't affect me, but this is kinda rough. Well, I know we will find a way to work it out, though. We always do.
I hate my car. If any of you who read this are pondering buying a Pontiac G6--don't. I have had it since July and it just gets worse as the months pass. I have 11,000 miles on it and the breaks have been squeaking since about 7,000...the dash makes dumb noises, the door seals are coming off, the power steering is "designed" not to work when making sharp turns from a stop, the gas mileage SUCKS SUCK SUCKS. As soon as we settle the housing situation, I am going to get rid of this dumb car. I don't care what it costs or how "upside down" I am.
Food Total: 2277 cals
Exercise Minutes: 96 mins
I have been finding myself pretty tired lately. I've been going to bed at 9:30--a full hour early. Wonder what gives?
I have decided that I will NOT buy new clothes until I reach my own personal mini goal of 300 lbs. Panties, bras and socks excluded. I already look like crap (being a 300+ lb woman, and all) so what if I am a 300+ lb woman in baggy clothes for 30 days. Big deal, right? I've got 15 lbs to go to get to that goal. Hubby is okay with that, too.
Today is gym day and I love gym days. It gives me something to look forward to at work. Well, I've got a little work to do this morning so I am going to get to it. I'm going to make today another masterpiece.
Update: Has anyone, except me, ever stopped to think about jewelry? Does anybody else laugh when those jewelry commercials come on and talk about "investing" in the right diamond? You know, our fascination with shiny rocks is the sole reason jems cost so much. Simple economic principle of supply and demand. One of my co-workers was recently engaged and she was trying to elicit some excitement out of me over her rock. My response: "wow, that looks like a down payment on a house. I bet you I could go get any ol' pebble out of my garden, shine it up some, get some gold wrapped around it, and start charging a fortune for my pebbles. They are Cindy's pebbles...oooh, very special!" That used to be a rock in the ground. Why are we so obsessed about that? When my hubby and I got close to engagement and had the ring talk, I told him that if he spent money on a rock that I wouldn't marry him. Now, I do have a wedding band and appreciate the symbolism of the wedding band; but guess what? It is just a gold band. No silver, no jems, no platinum, no titanium.
These conversations remind me of something I read in my literature class in college, but I cannot remember what the title is, or even who wrote it. But the story line was basically that horses where the more evolved species, and we humans were portrayed as dirty, stinky, hairy barn-yard creatures who hoard shiny things. Humans would even kill for shiny things. That was the humans sole reason for existing--to hoard shiny things. I really wish I could remember who wrote it. I'd probably like other essays/short stories from that author. Someday I should sit down with my old lit book and find it.
Food Total: 1946 cals
Today. Yep, it's another Monday. How to make it special??? I think I will send my husband a love eLetter. Spending some time reflecting on what a wonderful person he is is a nice way to start the day. He is amazing and I love him sooooooo much.
Somehow I lost track of time this morning and didn't get to eat breakfast. I don't even know how long it has been since I actually didn't get to eat breakfast. I went ahead and ate the whole apple that we were supposed to split for AM snack. I AM NOT GOING TO EAT FROM THE VENDING MACHINES. I am still pretty hungry, but not as bad as before the apple. I still have the AM snack cottage cheese for an hour from now. I think lunch will be early today!
This pair of slacks I am wearing today fits very well. The others of the same size, brand, and style, fit too baggy. ??? I am pondering buying my slacks an extra size too small and just wearing these until they are falling off, instead of just baggy. Hmmm. I will think about that more.
The new shirt that I bought last week shrank in the wash. I was a little upset at first, but I am okay now. I only need to lose a few more pounds to wear it again. And it really didn't even look too bad, just a little more snug than I like my shirts.
Well, off to write to Prince Charming....
I just read my "Word for the Day" e-mail. It seemed fitting to today, so I thought I would it add it here:
Make today a masterpiece! 27 Mar 2006
'TEACH US TO NUMBER OUR DAYS, THAT WE MAY PRESENT TO THEE A HEART OF WISDOM.' PSALM 90:12
((Removed the text 'cause it was too long))
Update: GOOD GRAVY!!! I just can't seem to "catch up" on food since missing breakfast today. I have been hungry almost ALL DAY LONG! I want to eat an entire side of beef (ewwwww!). We had plans to make some tortellini today for dinner, but all I want is peanut butter/fish/pork/beef/beans/chicken! I know the beef would not do well in my system, but I want it anyway. Geez this sucks. Next time everyone is late to school and work if this ever happens again.
Double cheese-burger and large chili cheese fries from Sonic are my best friend.
Gawd that sounds good...but I know I will be doubled-over with stomach cramps and be spending the rest of the night with the toilet if I do it.....
I will never miss breakfast the rest of the days of my life.
More: I decided I was going to eat whatever I felt like I wanted at dinner tonight, without any regard for the nutritional value. I WAS GENUINELY HUNGRY. Well, guess what? Aside from having consumed more than 2 times the sodium I should have each day, I stayed under calories, did better on the fats than most days, and got most of my fiber and protien for the day. Yay for me. Small successes ROCK.
I think I am going to check into this intuitive eating thing I have read a little about. Aside from over-feeding myself for decades for habitual reasons mostly, I am pretty in tune with my body. We'll see what that is all about.
Food Total: 2396 cals
Exercise Minutes: 110 mins
Well, I slept off yesterday. I ended up going over calories. I ate something because I thought I needed to to get to my 2000 for the day, not because I wanted to eat. Ended up that I didn't even need those calories, so it put me over. Well, I tried. I don't look at that like a failure because I didn't WANT to eat it. I just added wrong in my head and thought that I needed to eat it.
So, I have decided that I am not going to buy myself new clothes. I just can't bring myself to do it. I did buy the one shirt because I WANTED it, not because I had to. I am, however, going to "window" shop. Part of my problem is that I don't like to buy anything that is cheap (which, to me, means made of crappy materials, poorly assembled, and doesn't fit well). On the other hand I don't want to spend a small fortune on something that will last only a few months. So, I am going to go see what is out there, how much it costs, and what the quality is. Scott doesn't understand any of that. But it's okay. He is all for me buying cheap stuff, but doesn't think we should fork out a bunch of $$, either.
Sooooo, my plan today is:
Have coffe with family & breakfast
Go to the gym and try for 110 minutes of cardio
Shower at the gym (???) <---this will be a new experience for me
Go window shopping and buy a new pair of gym shoes
Have burbon chicken, rice, steamed veggies at the mall for lunch
Go grocery shopping
Go check out some condos down the street from here (with hubby?)
Work on getting bills paid, budgeting taken care of, other financial issues
So, it is a full day, after my crazy road-trip day from yesterday...but I'm ready.
Update: To-Do list just has the financial activities left. I was also able to find some decent slacks that aren't going to break the bank. The coupon expires in about two weeks so I will go back to the store then and stock-up on slacks. They have belt loops, too. That means I can wear them longer! My strategy will be to invest in new slacks all at one time, as needed, and purchase tops as needed; one or two at a time. That will make it more sane for me, I think.
It is a good day, but it's been a busy weekend. This thing they had on the shower floor at the gym just chewed my feet up! Poor feet. At least they have new shoes now, though.
More: It was kinda cool at the gym today. I logged my exercise goal for the day early this morning. While I was at the gym, I was thinking about my goals and when I felt like throwing in the towel early, I remembered that I was not going to meet my goal if I quit. I've never been much of a goal oriented-person (per se), but I can definitely see the value in setting goals. They kept me going today. I am going to make note of this for when the going gets rough someday.
Food Total: 2532 cals
Wow. What a looooooong day. I'm going to bed.
Food Total: 2018 cals
Wow. When I was getting dressed this morning, my clothes looked like crap on me. I had to relegate three tops to the fat pile this morning. They were just hanging on me. That was great. I am going to spend some serious time shopping on Sunday. But I am going to keep it cheap, except for that one $30 shirt I wanted. I know I will be having to shop again in just a couple more months and I don't want to waste money on nice clothes. I think one, or two, nice items per size will be sufficient.
It looks like hubby needs new clothes, too. His shirts are kinda just hanging on him. I can buy him some nice shirts because he only needs to drop about 5 more pounds to be at his ideal weight. Scott was back down to 185 on Tuesday and he still has a little bit of a tummy left. He said that he used to be a 32, so I'm thinking that 32 is the right size for him, too.
I have to leave for Dallas at 4:30 AM tomorrow morning. I hate doing these day trips, but I don't want to be up there all weekend, either. So, you gotta do what you gotta do, right? I do enjoy the time alone in the car, though. It is nice to have a big chuck of time all by myself like that somethimes. And Sunday I will have a lot of me time while I am shopping, too. So, it will be a me weekend. Yay!
Scott said that he didn't want to come to gym on Saturday's anymore. I know he hates the strength training that we do. One of the guys he met at the gym offered to have Scott workout with him on Tuesday's and Thursday's because he is there on those days, too. Scott took him up on the offer. I think it is a great idea. Scott is a very social type, so working out with a buddy will make the strength training more enjoyable for him. So, I compromized and said that we can come on Saturday and just do cardio, no weights and I can do my weights on Sunday. He said he was okay with that. Geez he hates doing the weights! I even tried to tell him how much sexier he looks, and it didn't work. Man....
Update: Wooohooo! I finally found the opening to have "the talk" with the boss. It looks like I may be getting to get a little closer to the old job than I used to. I am very excited. He gave me a huge lists of things to do for him that will help the transition of this program and then I will hopefully get to do what I was hired to do. What a great day.
More: **Okay Now** If we all held the same opinions about everything, wouldn't life be incredibly dull?
I love all my fellow opinionated CK'ers!
Love: The God Squad. LOL. Never heard that one before. I wonder just how long that little post will go before it dies?
Food Total: 2178 cals
Exercise Minutes: 105 mins
I think I am going to tell the boss that I need to go back and do the job I was originally hired to do. His view of this program that I am supposed to be in charge of is completely different from what is normal and expected in the industry. I am not the right person to do his version. I am the right person to do the standard version. He made a really ugly comment to me this morning about our meeting not happeneing yesterday. I don't want to work with him. I want to go back working under the other guy I was working for. I LOVE my old boss!
So...I'll either be unemployed this afternoon or back in my old saddle. If this conversation doesn't happen today, it will happen sooner or later, anyway. I'm all for getting dirty laundry aired! Wish me luck.
Update: Well, the boss man was in a more reasonable frame of mind just now. We had a little chitty-chat about my position. He didn't feel compelled to put me back in my old job, or to fire me. Instead, he took the partnership approach. I know it is a crock, as he is not interested in anyone's opinion/input but his own. I think his expectations are a little more grounded, now. Wonder how long that will last? We came to terms on the meeting issue, and he was almost
tender. I wanted to vomit.
*My job* I suppose I must find some way to spend eight hours of my day. And, we do live in a society that requires you have money. I will disengage my brain, my personality, and my opinions and fill my time with a black and white task for eight hours a day, Monday through Friday. This task does not require I do anything more than follow a recipe. I don't have to care where the ingredients came from, who decided how much of what ingredients must go in, or even what the end results are. My task is to take the given recipe and execute it. And get paid pretty darn well for it. I can think of this as a new skill to master. I'll call it "disengagement." Apparently you can get paid well once you master that skill. I wonder if I can put that new skill on my resume, like I can put "Self Starter" on there. Hmmm....I qualified for MENSA and I got A's in college. Ah, who cares about having a brain and a great personality???
I just didn't show up for work last Monday or Friday. Didn't request vacation, didn't call in sick...guess what? No one noticed I wasn't there.
I am hungry. I didn't get my cottage cheese this morning. I let hubby have the last one. MUST.GO.SHOPPING.
More: I am really happy that today is gym day. I love gym days. We are starting to meet people there, too. It is nice. I'm hoping to get above my 20 lb total loss tonight. Even 20.25 will be enough!!! By my new calculations, I should be losing approximately 0.6 lbs per day. I'm anxious to see where I really am.
From my math, it looks like my body needs 3733 calories per day to maintain my weight at my current activity level, and muscle mass. Geez, that is a lot of calories! I take comfort in the fact that I can eat up to 3733 calories per day and not gain weight. I know I will never eat those kind of calories again so I should continue to see a loss without much "effort" so to speak.
I got some good news yesterday, my tennants aren't going to be able to move out until,at least, the middle of April. So, I won't have to go to Dallas two weekends in a row.
Food Total: 2089 cals
Yay! Someone put 2 plates full of wafer cookies in the kitchen. I haven't had one of those in forever. I was about to pick one up and I thought to myself: Why are you about to eat this? You are not hungry. In fact, you may have had too much breakfast. All that sugar and refined carbs will screw your system up! So, I got my jug full of water and left. Yay for me!
This really is getting easier to do as time goes by. Now, if I can only do that to my food weakness: cake! I will do it tonight. Besides, there is only enough cake left for two pieces. Son and hubby can have it.
We had a great workout yesterday. I nudged up the pace on the treadmill to 3.3 mph for 40 minutes of my 50. On Thursday, I will do 3.3 for all 50 minutes. Then, on Saturday, I will start doing short-ish intervals at 3.4 mph. Then, in two weeks, my intervals should be up to 3.5 mph, while sustaining 3.4. My goal is to re-introduce jogging intervals after I drop below 300 lbs. May 1, 2006 is my goal to start my jogging back up. I'm afraid if I start it too soon, it will be too much impact on my joints with the extra weight. Also, by May 1, we will have been working out consistently for three months. I should have quite a bit of my strength back after that time and have a lower chance of injuring myself. I should also get to the doctor and have my tendonitis seriously looked at and healed before then.
I talked to Scott about the house situation. Although he doesn't really want to move anymore, he is open to the possibility of not buying this museum. I told him that we would hire it out, so it won't bee too much work. He is also concerned that I will not have enough time to fix up a house with the way I have been going to the gym. I told him that by the time we get the house, I will have lost most of my weight and I can use my Sunday's to work on the house rather than go to the gym. He knows that I want a fixer-upper. We looked at a few before we leased this place. (We have a bit of role-reversal goin' on in our house. I am the handy, financially adept one and he is the domestically blessed, artsy one.)
So, it looks like things will be okay in the house department. We have about 11 months left on our lease. We will begin looking in about 9 months, around December. That is something to look forward to.
Update: My am I bored! I truly believe that as of 2:51pm CT that I have read EVERYONE's blog that wrote today, as well as all the forums, as well as all the articles of at least some interest on CK. Boss blew me off again today. I have absolutely no emotional response to that whatsoever. I am making more progress in the seperating my sense of self from the career with every passing day.
And I thought public accounting was boring? Maybe I should re-think that. At least I was treated like I had a brain and had a LOT of work to do. I wasn't overhead, I was generating revenue for the firm and the clients were great to work with. Oh well. Memories...I have my health to focus on right now. In fact, I think I am going to call the doctor right now and get an appointment to get the tendonitis looked at.
Food Total: 2137 cals
Exercise Minutes: 110 mins
I was under calories yesterday. It was for an emotional reason, too. I was very annoyed and just didn't feel like eating anything else. Today I am going to be short on calories, too. I'm okay with that, though. If I am hungry I will eat more. It is gym day, so I may have a pretty good case of the hungies after our workout. The salad is rarely enough on gym days.
I tried to go shopping last night for some smaller clothes. I spent 90 minutes at one store that I had a coupn for, finally found a bunch of clothes to buy, went to pay for all of it and then was told my coupon was only able to be applied to THREE items! I was appaled. It has never been like that before. So, I told the store manager I wasn't willing to pay their prices without the discount and walked out on over $200 in clothes.
I also needed a new pair of gym shoes. So, I went to JC Penney and Foot Locker. Can you believe that the only way you can get a decent price on a pair of shoes, is if you buy two pairs??? I have one pair of feet that requires one pair of shoes. So, I didn't buy any shoes, either. I am very disgusted with the retail industry at this point.
I got home in a foul mood and Price Charming came to greet me and was shocked that I didn't have any bags in my hand. He asked me if I wanted him to go get them out of the car and I told him that I didn't buy anything. He said, "You went shopping for two hours and didn't buy one single thing?" So I told him about what happened and he starts busting out laughing at me. "The depths of your cheapness continue to astound me," he laughs. So, I guess it does sound kinda funny.
I just refuse to plunk down that kind of cash for 7 pieces of clothing that I will not be able to wear in three months. None of my pants have belt loops and they really can't be tailored and still look good. Sooooo, I am not sure what I am going to do. Fook it! I'll just deal with it 'cause I am not going to waste my good money on over-priced clothing for three months of use.
With that said there was one shirt that I LOVED. It was $30, though. I think I may go buy that one shirt. I don't want to really spend that much on one shirt, but it looked great on me and it was in the pretty spring colors. So, we'll see about that. I'll have to think hard about that one. At least this shirt could be altered when I get smaller. I did take note of that, at least, when I was shopping. So, maybe I could get six months out of it?
Update: Hubby noticed I was still in a funk at lunch time. I think the houses, the clothes, the expenses we have coming up, and my job are kinda weighing on me today. I don't feel like we have enough money for everything coming up and I sold some of my stocks this morning. That made me sad. After selling my stocks, I don't feel like buying a $30 shirt is such a great idea. It seems wasteful.
I don't want to buy this huge house, either. I have made up my mind. We don't need all the space. I don't need to pay to heat/cool/maintain all this space, either. I want to find a 2500 sq ft (max) fixer-upper. Maybe something from the late 70's, early 80's. We don't need this brand new 3100 sq ft museum. And, I don't WANT it.
I am just sooo incredibly thankful that we were not able to buy this house when we found it. What a blessing in disguise. I remember how devastated I was when we couldn't get good financing because of changing careers. It seemed horrifying at the time. God does know what he is doing!!!
I have this image in my mind of an older, not well maintained, brown one-story house with over-grown landscaping and a galley kitchen with ancient appliances. That is the right house for us...now I just need to find it. We will be house-hunting in the winter, so we ought to find a good deal. Even though the inventory won't be as varied as it is in the spring. I've just got to work on Scott, now.
Thinking about moving out of this house seemed to perk me up a little.
Food Total: 1766 cals
Exercise Minutes: 10 mins
Today marks another milestone for my lifestyle changes. We have decided to have stuffed shells for dinner tonight. I prepared them last night and noticed that one serving is almost 600 calories. Since they are loaded with cheese, they are high in fat and sodium.
I logged them last night in my food diary and then worked the rest of my food today around them. My original planned meals would have been double my fat and sodium allowances, so I made better decisions. I am still over in fat and sodium, but I can't remember a day when I have not been. I just didn't want to be over by double! Not only that, but my fiber and protien are almost right on target, as well, because of the planning.
I am very pleased with myself. I didn't have any negative emotional reactions, either. I didn't feel deprived that I couldn't eat all that crap in one day. I didn't feel like it wasn't fair. And I didn't justify it by borrowing from yesterday's workout calories, either. Yay for me! And, we still have half of that cake left, and I know that I just can't have any today. I am okay with that, too! I made my decision to pick the stuffed shells over the cake. No one forced me. It was MY decision. I am in control of my body and the foods I choose to feed myself.
Update: Hmmm...peanut butter sandwich for lunch. I was a little disappointed by the sandwich watching hubby sit there and eat risotto pepper jack cakes. I did take a very small taste, though. They were very good. Note to self: next time I think a peanut butter sandwich will be good for lunch--MIX IT UP A LITTLE. I am grateful that I am satiated. It will hold me over until dinner. Oh man, I am looking forward to dinner. I LOVE cheesy, stuffed shells!!!
Oops. I forgot to bring my grapes with lunch. I'll get rid of those bad-boys from the food diary! Maybe I'll be able to have a small piece of cake since I didn't eat my grapes? Maybe I should eat my grapes when son and hubby are eating the cake? LOL.
Hmmm. Didn't feel like having my granola bar just now. Now I am down a bunch of calories for the day. It's okay, I'm sure I'll find SOMETHING (cake) to fill in the rest of the day's calories....(mmmm...cake).
On a side note, BIGVINCE has been on my mind for a few days now...I wonder how he is doing? I am going to send him a PM and give him some encouragement.
Food Total: 1989 cals
Exercise Minutes: 100 mins
Much too much! 2500 calories was too much. I was a little over-full last night. Not really too bad, but it was definitely too much food. I'm still feeling full this morning, too. I am just going to stay at around 2000 calories if I go to the gym, or not. It seems more sane to keep my calorie intake the same every day.
I am just going to make sure that my net stays above 1200 every day. I'm not too confident in CK's calories burned numbers, anyway. They seem too high. I suppose I will find out over the next few weeks if they are accurate, or not, by watching my weekly weight loss numbers and doing the math. I can't do it now because I have been using a broken scale for I don't know how long. But, starting yesterday, I can monitor this more closely.
I am going to go to the gym this afternoon. I'm going to try for 100 minutes of cardio. Here are my goals, in the intended order:
Stationary Bike: 20 Minutes (Avg. HR=124)
Treadmill: 65 Minutes (Avg. HR=138)
Stairmaster: 15 Minutes (Avg. HR=150)
Update: Yeah Baby! 100 minutes of intense (for me) cardio today! Woooohoooo. I feel fantastic but hungry so I am going to eat. I weighed myself after my workout. 1.25 lb loss since yesterday? OK--cool. I'll go with it. These extra-curricular activities with Prince Charming must really be paying off! LOL.
Oh yeah. I discovered why hubby wasn't exactly happy about my weight-loss goals. He told me that he was afraid that I wouldn't be "soft" if I lost all this weight. I know that "skinny" women really don't do anything for him, but I told him that I will NEVER be "skinny." I thought it was kinda sweet, but kinda goofy at the same time. I proceeded to outline all the good things that will happen when I get to a healthier weight (funny how men are motivated by a little three-letter "s" word). And I also told him that I will always be soft, just not squishy anymore. LOL.
I know he loves me and he will do everything he can to support me. Even if he really doesn't want to. He is such a wonderful man. I love him very, very much.
Food Total: 2471 cals
Exercise Minutes: 101 mins
Fantastic workout today. My new best friend is the public scale in the middle of the gym. It showed a 6.25 lb loss this week. Now, I know that isn't true, but it makes me wonder how long the other scale in the women's locker room has been broken. I am suspecting at least 2 weeks. Either way, I am happy with the weigh-in today. Prince charming acted as my wall as I weighed myself. He was laughing at me for being a little concerned about other people seeing it. I don't blame him. It *is* rediculous!
I am off to have my last leisurely weekend for a while. Our tennants move out of our house up in Dallas at the end of the month. I have to go up to see a client next weekend then back up the weekend after that to get the house ready for the next tennants. Hopefully the next tennants will want to stay longer than 9 months. I don't want to lease the house out for less than a year. It is too much work. But, we were a litlle desperate last time for someone to get in there.
Update: Okay, so I am going to take a risk and up my calories today because of my exercise. I'm sure eating chocolate, having amaretto in my coffee, and having a large piece of pound cake isn't *exactly* what I should be eating to increase my calories. But...what the heck. A calorie is a calorie, right?
I am going to be at about 2500 calories today. I know I burned up at least 500 in the gym, but I am still not convinced I burned 1,000 like CK says. Besides, I couldn't eat all those calories back, anyway. This makes me nervous (as I have been progressing really well so far). We will see how it goes later in the week when I weigh in again, right?
Nothing ventured, nothing gained...oh, wait! I don't wanna gain!!!
Food Total: 1626 cals
Exercise Minutes: 15 mins
Well, I am in a much better frame of mind today than I was yesterday. We had a good workout at the gym yesterday, although my stomach started to hurt pretty bad which ended up cutting my workout short. I tried to go back at it once I emerged from the potty, but the dumb stairmaster I got on wasn't working properly and I just decided to give up for the day rather than fight with another one.
I discovered the reason why the scale regstered a gain this week--the dumb thing is broken. I am going to have to switch scales for my weigh-in on Saturday to the "public" scale out in the middle of the gym where everyone can see it. *Yikes* I've been using the one tucked away in the corner of the ladies locker room. No more....
I can do this!!! It's not like people are actually going to care what I weigh. Maybe some really skinny chick will see what I weigh and it will be a deterrent for her not to get this big! I have gotten more comfortable with entering in my weight on the treadmill and stairmaster in front of strangers, so I can do this.
**It is my life and I don't care about other people's opinion of me.**
Today I am home with my son for the last day of spring break. He wants to go to the mall??? He absolutely hates shopping! ??????
I guess kids are like that, though....I'm going to try to spend a lot of time with him today. He's been eating up Scott being with him this week, so I want to do the same! We have some errands to run, but it won't take too long.
Update: Something just happened in my brain. I am bored. I just thought a minute ago, "I wonder what we have in the house to munch on." I am not even remotely close to actually being hungry. Ah Ha! I caught myself wanting to eat out of boredom! Bad me!
Something else I just read on MSN Money was interesting. It seems that women like to spend money on themselves "because everyone else has nice things and I don't" or "I have been working hard, I deserve it" or "I have been sooo good lately" or "It is such a great deal that I can't pass it up" or "I will look better, and feel better about myself, if I have X."
Funny how you can replace the "women like to spend money on themselves" with "women like to eat" and get the same old tired-assed excuses either way, eh?
I think I am going to put this on the forum and see what you all think about this.
Food Total: 2166 cals
Exercise Minutes: 79 mins
I am going to use my blog to complain, whine and vent this morning. I FINALLY got to meet with my boss yesterday. He was wondering why I haven't been able to sign anyone up into my new program, yet, and was concerned that I may not be the right person for this position. I was in complete shock. I have been asking for my agreements, price lists, and commission structures for over a month. And he wonders why I don't have anyone signed up??? UNBELIEVABLE!!!!
So, he says "What tools do you need to be successful?" DUH! My bleep-bleeping paperwork *&@!!@$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told him that I cannot sign anyone up if I do not know the terms of the agreement. And what is there to actually *sign* if I have no paperwork that can hold a signature? This crap wears me out.
On a health-related note, my slacks don't feel as loose as they have been lately. I don't even care right now. I know I am excercising and eating right. F@$! the slacks. F@$! the scales. F@$! net calories. F@$! fat and sodium pecentages. F@$! everything else not included the four items above.
I am happy that I slept well last night and that the lawn service did a good job yesterday. At least I didn't burn my F@$!ing money up there.
Oh my, is somebody in a foul mood this morning, or what? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I went to the mall yesterday and found myself getting into smaller slacks. They were snug, but not uncomfortable. It just felt great to be able to get my arse into a smaller size.
I'm not quite sure I get this, but prince charming doesn't seem to be very "happy" about my progress. He always responds with a neutral "oh" when I talk about it--except for the bra not fitting quite so well, anymore. That always gets his attention. F@$! it. I'm doing this for myself, anyway. I don't need anyone's approval.
Geez, what in the hell is wrong with me today? My hubby always calls me Mary Poppins becuause of my regularly cheerful disposition. I feel like getting in a fight and beating the crap out of something right now. I want to leave work and go to the gym. I think it is just work?
Hubby called me this morning and he could tell I was in a wretched mood. He hasn't called me back. That is unlike him, but probably a wise decision. I don't want to talk to me, either.
I am going to try to find something that will help me get in a better frame of mind. This mood doesn't work for me.
**CHOCOLATE**
Why didn't I think about that hours ago? Chocolate solves all of life's problems. I already feel better. mmmmm...chocolate. I have a bag of Hershey's Kissables. I've never seen 'em before, but oh are they great! Aahhhhhh
Food Total: 1919 cals
Exercise Minutes: 7 mins
Bleeeeeeping construction! Construction traffic stole thirty minutes from my workout yesterday. I was sooooo annoyed by it. It took us 30 minutes to go a quarter of a mile! Grrr.
**I wil not get frustrated**
I weighed in at the gym last night--.25 lb. GAIN! I am speechless, really. I know I am not the first person to "do everything right" but it affects me just the same, anyway.
My clothes are fitting so much better now, so I measured myself and was able to see some decreases. That perked me up, anyway.
I loved the ab xpress class last night. Scott hated it. So, we decided that our new "routine" will be that we warm up 5 minutes on the stationary bike; then do weight training for 30 minutes, then I will go to ab class and he will change his shoes, get ready, etc. in the locker room and take a break; then I will help him with the bike right after the ab class and then off to the treadmill and stairmaster I go while he is spinning his little arse off! Man, that 15 minute ab class went by FAST!
Well, another day at the office. My boss e-mailed me some paperwork FINALLY. Maybe I can actually earn my living, now. I thought some more about the transfer offer from yesterday and I am happy that I did not take it. My job will be better once I can actually work.
Today feels like it is shaping up to just be a ho-hum kinda day. We had a lawn service come check out our yard this morning. Geez, even the lawn service is expensive for this house. Just another reason not to buy it. Scott will never be able to be a stay at home dad with all these high mainenance expenses. I still have to get another set of curtains before summer hits us, or our electric bills will be enormous, too.
I feel like I am finally settling into my new food routine. This is my fourth week on CK. It no longer seems difficult, or depriving. It is just turning into another fact of life--much like having to brush and floss my teeth every day and having to pee sitting down, are. LOL. Just something I gotta do to take care of me. It is okay and good and makes me feel better and will increase my longevity and will help prevent future health problems and...and....and....
Update: Boy oh boy am I hungry today!!! All I have is an apple left to eat before dinner. I am not convinced that it is going to be enough. I wonder if I am eating enough in general? This whole food calories and net calories thing is confusing to me. While I understand what net calories are, I'm not sure which number I should be shooting for. Food calories, or net calories??? Is my body starving? I don't usually feel hungry, but I haven't lost any weight this week so far, either. I should be down at least a pound by now! I am feeling just a little light-headed and dizzy, too. Maybe there is something else going on?
My daily averages over the past month are 2,006 food calories, 588 excercise calories and 1,418 net calories. I've read that VLC diets are when you eat 800 - 1,000 calories per day, and a LC diet is under 1,200. I am not there, not even in net. So what gives? If my maintenance calories are 3,000+ and it takes 3,500 calories to burn a pound, then I should be losing about 0.46 lbs per day, right? This formula has been working very consistently up until this week. I just *knew* when I went to the gym yesterday that I would see a nice loss, but I was soooo wrong.
Food Total: 2034 cals
Exercise Minutes: 79 mins
Well, I conciously went over in calories last night, for like the second time in a month. When I knew it was going to happen, I thought about my goals, and how this would affect this weeks' weight loss, before I did it. I made sure I was only going to indulge 100 calories before I got the dibs out of the freezer and slowly relished six pieces. It was wonderful! I ate six, and only six. Then, I guiltlessly put the container back in the freezer for another day.
I looked at the nutrition label as I was taking them out of the freezer. It said that one serving had 420 calories. That, alone, almost stopped me. But, those 420 calories were for 26 pieces. I only wanted a taste! A taste of chocolate ice cream dipped in chocolate. It was a huge success. I am so proud of the progress I am making.
I knew I wasn't hungry and didn't NEED any food. And I remember thinking to myself: "Why do I want to eat if I am not hungry?" Then I thought that I don't have to deprive myself of the treats I like. I just don't have to sit down and eat the whole container! Six little dibs weren't going to make a difference in the way my stomach felt, you know? I just wanted to taste it.
Okay, enough about that. I talked to Scott this morning about the house situation. He really wants to buy this house. I really don't want to buy it. I honestly think this is the first time in our relationship where we haven't agreed on something to some extent. We are almost always on, at least, the same chapter, but maybe on different pages in that chapter....but this time we are reading completely different genres.... We will work this out, though. Our lease isn't up for almost a year, anyway. We have plenty of time to work it out and talk about it.
Today is gym day. I was having a litle pain in my left knee last night, so I took it easy. I don't feel the pain this morning, but I am still going to take it easy on it. I don't want to injure myself. Scott and I are going to try to take the Ab Xpress class at the gym tonight--15 minutes of aerobic ab excercises. Neither one of us likes the ab machines in the weight machine area. We're hoping this will make it more enjoyable. So, we'll see how it goes tonight. I am really excited about it. Scott needed some convincing to agree to it, though.
This could be an interesting day. Someone in another department at work has been trying for months to convince me to come work for her. I am now going on like my third week with nothing meaningful to occupy my time here in my position. I reviewed the job description just now and I think I am going to request a transfer. She was trying to sell me on it again today...what the hell. I really need something to do to justify my salary and she really *needs* me. It will feel nice to be needed, again.
Update: the job description I read was not the position she was hiring for...silly people. Sooooo...forget about the transfer. I just sent an e-mail to the boss asking when I would have my paperwork so that I can proceed with my program....I've been waiting for a month now.
Food Total: 2130 cals
Exercise Minutes: 60 mins
I am home today with my son. Spring break should be illegal. The good news is that I have the whole day to clean the house. I just couldn't get motivated to do the mopping yesterday. My body was exhausted and I just don't want to mop.
I think we need a smaller house. I have been reading about people who are completely happy in smaller homes. We were. Our last house was 1900 sq. ft. and we could get it ALL clean in under 2 hours. Now, it takes me that long just to mop the tile in this house. We have three bathrooms to clean, too much carpeting...soooo much space that we don't even use it all. Two bedrooms never used, a formal dining room never used...a mamoth master bedroom that we don't have enough furniture for...I think a down-sizing is in order. 3100 sq ft is waaaay toooo much for three people.
Now, I just need to convince the hubby that we should NOT buy this place when the lease is up, like we planned. It is too much house. Besides, he wants to stay at home, anyway, so getting a smaller house would make it easier for him to do that. This house is gorgeous, but too big. And there is not enough back yard to put in a pool. We all want a pool.
Man, I don't want to mop. I am procrastinating.....I.MUST.GO.MOP....but....but...I dont wanna do it!!!
Okay...walkways and one bathroom down....40 minutes so far...kitchen, nook, short hallway, and two bathrooms to go....
Kitchen done....another 15 minutes...
Update: Mopping, shmopping...we just had lunch with hubby at a local mexican joint. They have excellent salsa, queso, and fresh tortilla chips. *YUM* I was so good, and it didn't take hardly any willpower! YAY YAY YAY. I had 5 tortilla chips and dipped them in each of the salsa's. But, I did go back to that queso for an extra 2 dips. Yay for me! I left just slightly fuller than satisfied, but not FULL. I knew I was going a little over on calories, but I just didn't get to eat breakfast today, so it will all balance out well. We are going to eat the rest of our salad tonight for dinner. It will be a good calorie day. Now, if I can only get motivated to finish this mopping....
Short hallway and another bathroom down...a nook and a bathroom left. Can I do it when we get home tonight from swimming??? I should do it.
Food Total: 2008 cals
Exercise Minutes: 80 mins
Yeah. Okay. Is it REALLY any surprise AT ALL that I am soooo freekin' overweight? I made waffles for the family this morning. They love my waffles. So, I was getting my plate ready and decided before I ate that I would figure out the calorie content. Geez. One little waffle square has 172 calories. I used to eat four squares lathered up in peanut butter for breakfast. That would be (best case scenario), something like 1,800 calories for BREAKFAST! And that is leaving out the fact that they are mostly *empty* calories--refined sugar, white flour, etc....
Over the past few weeks I have been reflecting on what could have driven me to this weight. Since I seem to be so flipping shocked at the calorie content of the regular foods I eat, not to even bring the whole portion size issue into the picture, that should clue me into something, right? It wasn't like I was eating junk food all day long, you know? But, low and behold, you don't HAVE to eat junk food to get to 336 lbs. You can get there eating waffles, and whole wheat bread, and eggs, and chicken breast, and milk, and all the "whole" and/or "healthy" foods in the world!!!! Hello...anyone home in my brain?
I suppose at least eating relatively healthy foods and being a little active probably prevented me from developing high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. Even though I was eating soo much of it, and the wrong things mixed together!
Well, at least now I can move beyond today with my new knowledge. I will probably start to crash in about an hour and I will have to have some fruit, or something. Next time we have waffles I will know that I can only have one. I will supplement my breakfast (and my family's) with some fresh fruit. Perhaps I will switch the flour that I use to make the waffles to whole wheat flour? Besides, the waffles didn't even taste that great to me, anyway.
I'm feeling like I need, and want, to go to the gym today. Although I should stay home and do housework, instead. Maybe I'll do both. I have about 400,000 square feet of tile to mop....ugh. That is one hell of an activity, let me tell you. Well, maybe it isn't *quite* 400,000 sq. ft. But...it might as well be!
Update: I was only able to do 80 minutes of cardio today. I was trying for at least 90. My body just said it was time to stop. So, I have to go out and water the yard then begin the never-ending mopping task. I really don't know how much tile we have in this house, but It takes a couple of hours to clean it all.....I should eat first.
Food Total: 2014 cals
Exercise Minutes: 89 mins
Just got back from the gym. The weight training was a little toned down today, and we were running a little behind schedule. It was a good workout, though.
I am down 2.25 lbs for the week. I was expecting something a little higher. I seem to be steadily losing 1/4 lb a day. That is a good rate, I think. I'm going to try my hardest to maintain that loss rate until I get under 300 lbs.
While on the treadmill, I was thinking about how nice it would be if I could get under 300 lbs for my 30th birthday in May. At a 1/4 lb a day loss, I will only make it to 308.25 by my birthday. If I can just lose 3.25 lbs per week until then, I can do it. I think that is a good short-term challenge for myself. That would be a 36 lb loss in just over 3 months. A little high, I admit, but I do weigh quite a lot!
Don't know what we are going to do this weekend except take it easy and get the house cleaning done. I was going to work out in the yard but it is already 82 degrees and I swear the humidity is at like 99%!!! It is horrible out there! Maybe I'll shoot for some yard work tomorrow morning???
Update: Oh my. We just had one of our favorite desserts: something I refer to as the raspberry orgasm. I had two servings. I need to change the name now to a raspberry stomach ache....oh, what a sad, sad day. Even my raspberry orgasm is too sweet now.
I decided to start going through some old clothes that I had "outgrown" over the years. I tried on all my shorts. Three pair had to be relgated to the fat clothes pile, and seven others either fit snugly or a little tight. That is good news, really. It means I won't have to buy new shorts for a while. I am going to go through some other clothes this weekend and get a feel for what I have to wear in the coming months and what I can get altered to hold me over until I feel compelled to buy new clothes. I think my existing wardrobe will be able to tie me over until late summer, by my estimates. Since it is like summer all year here, I can shop the clearance racks in August/September and get some good deals!
Food Total: 1970 cals
I am just not feeling fantastic today. Tired...head clogged...lethargic. Wassup with all that nonsense?
My husband wanted breakfast at the mexican bakery this morning. I tried to choke down the apple croissant...yuck. Wish I had an egg or cheerios, instead. I'm probably not feeling well because of no food, at least partially. I'm thinking of going down to the vending machine and getting some orange juice. Maybe that will help me out some.
When I was on the treadmill last night, pushing myself, I was imagining that I was walking away from weighing 326 lbs. and that I was never, ever going to weigh that much again. (I forgot my ipod, so I had to do something mental.) That really seemed to work for me! It was pretty cool. I'll have to keep that little head game in mind if there ever comes a time where I want to get lazy at the gym.
I am debating if I should call the doctor about losing my dinner last night. Hubby says I should just work on the timing a little better. The first night my tummy only hurt pretty bad, but I didn't vomit. What the heck, he gets paid for making me well, I'll just call him.
Update: Most of the blah has gone away...I think I just needed food, really. I had a bunch of OJ, some cottage cheese, and 1/2 an apple and I feel pretty good now (except for the sinuses). I think I really need a restful weekend, as well.
Some friends wanted to come over again this weekend, and Scott was all for it, but I just need some down time. We haven't cleaned the house in a while, I've never finished hanging my curtains completely, we have a yard full of weeds....I just need a low-key weekend at home. I am just not as sociable as the dear hubby. I like time at home with just my husband and son.
Found this kinda "funny" for yesterday:
"You have used -149 out of your net daily budget of 2000 calories and have 2149 calories remaining. 22% of the calories are from fat, 23% from protein, 56% from carbs and 0% from alcohol."
Since I need about 3,700 calories to maintain my current weight, I guess I may have lost an entire pound yesterday??? Stupid antibiotics....
Update: I was craving salmon and green beans for lunch. The only place I could think of that would have that nearby was Luby's. So I went. YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK. I feel like I opened my mouth and just poured a half gallon of salt in it!!! Not to mention a 700 + calorie meal. Even the salmon was greasy and salty. Talk about ruining a great piece of fish. I am sad.
Food Total: 1198 cals
Exercise Minutes: 104 mins
Well, I finally had some good sleep last night. My sinuses aren't feeling as marshmallowed-up as they were for the past two days. The antiobiotics are upsetting my tummy, but I expected that. My doctor and I were joking yesterday about the side effects and he said he was giving me some great medical advice with a side order of bolemia...and said that he wanted to do all he could to help me lose weight. He's funny. I like him. Found out he works out at the same gym we do. Maybe I'll see him there one day.
Speaking of the gym, today is gym day. I hope I can do my workout. I got winded just walking to my son's swimming practice yesterday. I am going to keep it in my head that I will be able to do it!
Yay Report: Hubby and I just went and had lunch at Randall's (they have a yummy little cafe/deli). I had the sandwich I wanted, and the soup, but I was able to just eat half of it! I was so happy. I didn't even feel compelled to eat it all. It looked like an enormous amount of food! Good thing, too, because that whole six inch sandwich had like 700+ calories in it, alone. I am going to eat the rest of my lunch for dinner after the gym. The only problem was that the soup was really pretty salty. Even my little salty-snacker Hubby thought it was a bit too much. And, best of all, I could actually taste my lunch today!!!
Update: We had another great workout today. I felt good and I pushed myself on the treadmill. Came home famished! I took my antibiotic and ate the other half of my soup and sandwich. I wasn't done with dinner for even 5 minutes before it all came right back up!! Talk about SUCKING!!!! That was a great meal--I didn't really want to experience it twice in the same 15 minutes..ewwww.
Do I take it off my food journal? Leave it there??? Oh, hell.
I have no idea if the antibiotic came up with it, or not. Soooo...do I try to take another one??? Do I try to eat dinner, again??? Why do I have to get EVERY side effect of every medication on the planet?
I think I'll give up life for today and just go to bed!
Food Total: 2207 cals
I am still not feeling 100% today. I did get to sleep in larger chunks last night, though. I still don't really feel bad, either, except for my sinuses feeling like I have marshmallows in 'em. Eewwwww.
I am just sitting in my chair, keeping it warm, this morning. I feel bad for the girl in the Air Force who is crash dieting. I am going to keep her in my prayers today. None of us knows what she is really going through, but I do hope that she gets medical advice. Those people that get that stomach shrinking surgery don't take in many calories, but they are usually okay. However, they are under close medical supervision. It must be okay, to some extent, to do something like that under the right circumstances.
I have pondered going on a very low calorie diet for the short term to get under 300 lbs, but I need to be healthy more than I need to be thin. I also would rather spend the time in the gym that I would be using to sit in a doctor's office waiting to be evaluated every other day, or whatever. As of today, I have no known health problems caused by my excess weight so there is no big need to drop it ASAP. I guess one could argue that PCOS is caused by weight, but that is like the chicken and the egg debate. Which came first? The weight or the PCOS? No one really knows. However, I do know that when my weight drops, my PCOS symptoms mostly go away and I no longer have to take birth control pills. So, there is some correlation.....
I noticed some strange wear on the sole of my right shoe this morning. I must be walking weird to cause that kind of wear. I am going to pay more attention to how I am walking to figure out why I am causing that wear on my shoe. It looks like I am pivoting my right foot while I am walking, but not the left...hmmm. Strange. Perhaps I should have been a scientist instead of an accountant. I am always investigating things that catch my attention. Or maybe some ritalin would do? LOL.
Update: The doctor says I have a sinus infection. That is what I expected. I am now on antibiotics and decongestants. Yay! Maybe I will be able to sleep tonight.
We went to our favorite salad bar this evening. WOW! I can't believe how many calories were in my salad--BEFORE THE SALAD DRESSING! I added all the ingredients to my diary in the quanties that I think I had. Holly crap! I am going to have to rethink my strategy there!!! I ate over half my daily allowance! I am stunned...simply stunned.
Guess it goes without saying that I went over in calories today...but I didn't mean to.
Food Total: 1656 cals
Exercise Minutes: 105 mins
Blah. I feel horrible. I have been awake since 2:45 AM. I finally got out of bed so that I wouldn't keep my hubby up. Nothin' like listening to someone toss and turn and blow their nose in bed, right? I think I will send him into my office this morning to get my laptop and tell the boss I am working from home. We have a bunch of stupid people at the office who do not stay home when they are sick.....so everyone gets it. I AM NOT GOING TO BRING THIS CRAP BACK TO WORK! We all have laptops and cell phones so that we can work remotely--so why not?
I am going to go grab the soft blanket, my pillow and my tissue box and get cozy on the sofa. Oh yeah, and turn off the AC while I am at it. It is kinda cold in here.
Update: Hypocrite, anyone? Here I am, one of the stupid people, at work...but I'm not feeling too bad, really. The DayQuil seems to be keeping my little cold symptoms at bay. It's not really contagous unless you are runny and coughing and sneezing, right?
I'm planning to keep our schedule of going to the gym today. However, I think I am just going to keep it to moderate cardio and not do the weight training. That shouldn't be too difficult...and I won't be touching anything really, on the treadmill. Just the buttons to get the thing started. It should be alright....I won't infect anyone who comes after me.
More: Okay. I am bored. Really bored. I was thinking about going shopping, but I have nothing to shop for. My boss blew off our meeting--again. I wonder why I ever expect him to NOT blow it off? I have four more hours of "work" to sit through. As a professional seat-warmer, I wonder if I would be jeapordizing my job if my @ss was smaller? LOL.
You know this weight loss could really affect the efficiency of my seat warming. If my rear gets too small, I'll have to keep shuffling around in my seat to keep it all warm. Heaven forbid my boss actually come and check out how warm it is one day, and *BAM*, parts of it were actually cold. Oh man, I'd be in real trouble then! Add one more to the weekly unemployment rolls.....
Further Update: We had a great workout. Did I pass on the weight training? NO--But I did go back to last week's weight levels and cut the reps to 12 from 15....Did I take it easy on cardio? HELL NO--I PUSHED MYSELF HARDER. And it felt great.
I remember from my old body building days that if my nose was runny, that would quit while I was working out. Same thing happened today. But, the second my body realized my workout was over, the faucet turned back on. I hope I don't have this issue tomorrow.
Well, I just couldn't keep myself off the scales. I lost another 3/4 lb during this workout. I'd really like to be able to understand this more. It is fascinating to me. I should do some research.
It seems like I am really light on the calories today, but I am not hungry. I'm not going to fill up my calories on crap, either. I did enough of that over the weekend, thank you very much.
Well, Scott and I are both exhausted and are going to go to bed a little earlier tonight.
Hasta manana.
Food Total: 2039 cals
Exercise Minutes: 25 mins
Well, another Monday. I have been capitvated by the scales at the gym. I think this could easily turn into an unhealthy behavior, so I am going to watch myself. Wanna know? Okay. I go weigh myself in the gym before my workout. Then, I workout like a crazy person, drinking water and everything, then I weigh myself after my workout. Guess what? 1/2 to 3/4 lb weight loss. Do the same thing the next time. Weight even lower the next time before workout, then 1/2 to 3/4 lighter afterwards. I can actually see the results of my workout. Neat-O.
I know how my brain works, so I really should not do this. I just found it completely fascinating. I am going to try to stop tomorrow. Have no idea what on earth made me do this, anyway. I really wan't expecting to see any difference!
Today I am celebrating 10 days of not over-eating and, coincidentally, 10 lbs of weight loss. And I am so much better off for it. Yay!
Hubby finally made the first contribution to our new "fat clothes" pile this morning. He had a pair of 38 slacks that had been big on him a while now, but they wouldn't even stay up over his hips today. We had a good laugh about it and he was talking about buying new clothes. LOL. He will probably be about a 32 when his little tummy goes away. He's comfortably in a 34 right now. I'm gonna make the next contribution! Although, sadly, I feel it is going to be a bra.
Okay, so my CK University lesson for today wants me to answer questions in my blog. What a splendid idea. So here goes.
Q: What does losing weight mean to me?
A: It means eating properly, excercising, getting over my psychological "default value" of having to eat everything on my plate, and to learn to listen to my internal clues that I am not hungry anymore and NEED TO QUIT EATING.
Q: What are the rewards?
A: Better health, a longer life, energy to keep up with life and my family, non fat-girl clothes, and to be able to wear my hair long and look GOOD in it!
Q: What will gaining or not losing weight mean to me?
A: That i have no control over my life, that I am a failure, that I don't care enough about myself, or my family, to be at a healthy weight.
Q: What are the consequences if I don’t lose weight?
A: Most likely high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, aches and pain, not being able to keep up with my family and life.
Q: Do you have an idea of a specific goal weight? If yes, what is it?
A: Yes. Despite what all the "charts" show my ideal weight to be, I believe my goal weight is 175 - 165 lbs.
Update: Boy do I have a case of the hungries tonight. It is 9pm and I want ice cream with chocolate syrup with whipped cream. My son has this thing for the Food Network and he likes for us to cuddle with him while he watches it...he is a strange kid.
Anyway, they showed this commerical for a roast beef sandwich from Quiznos....Yummm...although I know it would make me sick....then the show tonight was talking about Hershey's syrup over ice cream...and some gormet peanut butter....and all this cheese...OMG! I think I better go brush my teeth and get in bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Food Total: 2049 cals
Exercise Minutes: 85 mins
Geez, today is an extra fat food day. I am SOOOO WAAAAAY over on my fats today. Hmmm...think my cafe mocha, my cream cheese pastry, my cheesy italian salad dressing, and my planned cheesburger dinner have anything to do with it? Yikes! Good thing I don't eat like this very often. I guess I will make it under calories today, but those calories aren't very good ones!
If I find myself hungry today, I have a huge bowl of carrot sticks I cut yesterday. That is all I am going to snack on today, if I feel so inclined.
Today isn't nearly as nice as yesterday was. I don't have a lot to say today (amazingly enough). I am going to go out and retrieve my newspaper and sit back to relax a while. We have been so busy lately.
I have a tendency to get bored on Sunday afternoons and sneak away to the gym for an extra cardio workout. We'll see how I fare today.
Update: Well, I couldn't keep myself out of the gym today. I am feeling fairly hungry right now. I tried to eat some carrot sticks. That worked for a little bit. I'm sure I need to eat more food, but I have gone soooo far over on the fat that I'll have to keep my food to high protien, high fiber, low-fat foods. Good luck with that one...
I am craving bread and peanut butter. I know it is because I did not treat myself right in the food department today. I already logged it in my food journal because I wanted to see what it would do to my calories today; but I am going to try to combat it with something better. Maybe I'll try a banana.
Food Total: 2291 cals
Exercise Minutes: 102 mins
Weird. Last night I just didn't feel like drinking the wine. I love wine. We had a nice time and I stayed under calories.We just got back from the gym. We had another fantastic two hour workout. We didn't eat enough for breakfast so we were both feeling pretty wiped out. Just finished lunch and I am feeling better already. I didn't even look at the hateful stationary bike today!!!
Today was check in day for me. I am down to 327.0. That feels great, emotionally. That is a 9 lb loss in about 26 days. I had planned to lose just 5 lbs in March, but I am going to kick it up to 10 lbs. What the hell! 317 by March 31 sounds pretty darned acheivable to me. Especially after a 4 lb loss this week.
Scott is concerned it is too much to lose 4 lbs in a week. I assured him that someone as large as I am can safetly lose that kind of weight as long as I wasn't starving myself--which I am DEFINITELY NOT. Might as well use my size to my benefit while I can, right? As long as I keep myself fed every couple of hours, with good food, and don't over-eat, my body will be perfectly fine burning those kinds of pounds for a few months. It will have no need to go into "starvation mode."
Once I am "only" 100 lbs overweight, I think I will start to see that weight loss number naturally slow down, anyway. That should be about early summer, by my calculations. Until then, I will probably see a higher weekly loss. I need something like 3700 calories a day to maintain my weight, without exercise. CK has me on 2000 calories right now, which any sturdy man could be sustained at. Do the math on that, throw in my exercise, and I think the weight loss is perfectly healthy at 3 - 4 lbs a week for now.
A nice thing happened this morning. I went to put on my sweat pants for the gym and, for the first time in a long time, they were not tight. They were just snug and comfortable. Yay!I am going to buy a soft tape measure today so that I can start keeping track of my measurements. I know that will help keep me motivated when my weight loss starts to slow down.It is ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS outside today. I wish I had the time to enjoy it today. It is supposed to be like this tomorrow, too. I am going to go out and do some yard work tomorrow and let my skin get some sun! I love Spring.
Update: We had friends over for dinner again this evening and they just left. I went over on calories today. Not worried because of the above mentioned workout. I proabably should not have made the shakes. Too bad. It was YUMMY!
Scott and I have been going-going-going since 9:30 this morning. I think I am geting sick. Good news is that we spent about two hours cutting up fresh veggies for salads and snacking. Our fridge is stocked with nothin' but the good stuff! And ready to eat, at that!
Food Total: 1991 cals
Exercise Minutes: 17 mins
We had an incredible work out yesterday. We were at the gym for two hours, but some of that time, we were waiting for the spinning class to start. I found out that the reason why Scott quit his spinning class last time was because he couldn't get the bike adjusted right, and the clips that his shoes go in to were broken on one petal. So, he just got frustrated and quit. Since no one was able to help him get a decent bike last time, I decided to just help him until the new bikes come in. He hasn't had any problem with people helping him in the past, but I guess last time was different. I think he feels bad taking away from my workout, but they are expecting the new bikes any day now. I'm not too worried about losing 10 minutes of my workout for a few weeks.
Speaking of bikes, I think I know what is up with me and the hateful stationary bike. My feet start burning about 9 minutes into my workout--bad. I was thinking about why and then our trip to buy Scott's biking shoes came to mind. I remember the guy in the bike department of Sun & Ski Sports said that bike shoes have steel support in them to support your arch while cycling. So, my hypothesis is that my feet are getting stretched in the wrong way becuase my arch isn't being supported. It will be a very cold day in hell before I buy myself bike shoes, so I think I am just going to pass on the damned thing going forward. I'll just keep my cardio on the treadmill and stairmaster, where I like it! Screw the hateful stationary bike. :)
I was fairly tired by the end of the evening so I think we need to move more calories to earlier in the day on gym days. Right now we have a fairly substantial amount of our calories after our workout for dinner on the gym days. I think if we re-arrange it, we won't feel so wiped out. I think I was more exhausted than Scott was, though.
So today we are having friends over for dinner. I have already logged my meal portions for dinner and I am over on calories with only one glass of wine. I am trying to figure out what to modify. I am only over by about 100 calories, so it isn't too bad, I suppose. I was just really hoping to be able to have two glasses of wine. Oh well. Need to keep my priorities straight.
Just in case I was feeling a little bloated tomorrow for my weigh-in, I decided to weigh myself last night to get a feel of where I was. I usually don't like to weigh in too much, but I wanted to build myself up in case I was disappointed on Saturday. It showed 327.75. I was like 331.25 on Tuesday when I had to use my "regular" scale to adjust my prior weeks loss. So, even if I am all bloated tomorrow morning when we get back to the gym, I know I really did make progress. I won't be disappointed or frustrated.
You know, CK recorded that I burned over 1,000 calories yesterday during my workout. I am skeptical about that number. However, my heart rate was up at 65% for AT LEAST 100 minutes yesterday at the gym (even though I only recorded 79 because my weight training is not vigorous, it is moderate, but CK doesn't have an entry for moderate weight training), so even if I didn't burn 1,000, I probably burned enough to not have to stress out about my extra 100 calories today! I think I will accept that overage and just have a great time with my friends. Maybe I can find some time to walk this afternoon if I really feel it is necessary!
Update: Wooohooo! When I went to Omaha Steaks to pick up my Chateaubriand, it was a crazy price! So, I settled on their pre-cooked pot roast for dinner tonight, instead. I came back to my food diary and modified it. Now, I am under my calories for today!!! Yay for being cheap. Now I can have that second glass of wine, too.
You know, I like getting all my green marks just as much as the next person, but I almost never get my green mark for net calories. Why does CK give you target food calories and target excersice, yet when you meet them you don't get your net calories mark??? If I eat more calories to get my net calorie mark, I lose my food calories mark....They should fix that...or I should get over my need for approval, right? LOL
Okay so when we got home last night, my curtains that I had ordered where waiting on my front porch. I was sooooo excited! J C Penney said it would take 6 weeks to get them but it didn't even take 4. They look great. Now I just need to order the valances when I see a great sale in the paper to complete the look. I've never had 9' curtains before in any house I have lived in, but it is very elegant looking and they take up a lot of the echo in that part of the house!
I feel amazing. We went to this fantastic little family owned pizza place in the area last night (one of our favorite family places). It feels like you are sitting in your own home eating--it is great. They have wonderful pizza. I usually get the small 10" special and have been known to eat the whole thing. I barely made it through half and I just didn't feel like having anymore of it. I wasn't full, bloated, stuffed, or uncomfortable. I just wasn't hungry anymore and I quit eating. On top of that, Scott had eaten his entire 10" before I could even finish half of mine. (Of course, he was feeling a little over-full later in the evening.) It feels great to be able to enjoy my food and to just stop eating when I am not hungry. I usually eat either until my plate is empty, or I am about to bust at the seams, and at a fairly brisk pace. Sometimes it amazes me how long my up-bringing haunts me!!!
Work is getting me a little down today. I clocked in at a whole 5 minutes of work yesterday. So far today, up to a whopping 45 seconds. How much longer can I take this torture? I launched a new program yesterday (which accounted for my 5 minutes) and I have already received interest in it. However, my "Boss" hasn't approved any of the agreements, price lists, or anything. They want to guage my performance on how many people I can recruit into this new program, but I don't have the freekin' stuff I need to actually sign someone up. What agreement are they going to sign??? On a bleeping piece of toilet paper? Just agree to sign up but not know what they are signing up for??? Who in their right freekin' mind would do somthing that rediculous??? Okay, I just needed to vent. I had a meeting at 11AM scheduled with the boss and guess what? He blew it off, again.
Where else can I get paid almost $200 for a minute of work, right? I guess I should keep in all in perspective. I can no longer attach my sense of self to my success in my career, as I have always done before. I can be thankful for that.....this sucks....
Update: Okay, maybe I have to retract some of my venting from earlier. I was actually able to get someone to verbally agree to my hypothetical progam today and one of our salespeople is going to do a demo tomorrow morning. I guess this one is either desperate or I was able to relay enough trust to convince him that we weren't going to screw him over. It amazes me, in todays scum-bag world, that any trust can be established in business, anyway....simply amazing...I hope my boss doesn't end up screwing him. He was a nice, trusting, guy.
Yay for makeup sex. I always enjoy it!
I weighed in on the scales at my regular gym last night and it showed only a 3 lb loss this past week, inistead of the 6 lb loss the scale at the other gym registered. Since we work out at this gym, I am going to stick with the lower weekly loss number. 3 lbs of weight lost in one week doesn't alarm me like the 6 lb loss did. That brought my february loss to 5 lbs, with only two weeks of really watching what i am eating. That puts me back to where I was about a year ago. I am happy about that.
My goal is to drop another 5 lbs in March. I weighed in at 329 before I lost a lot of my weight back in 1996 (with some temporary assistance from phen-fen). So, my next five pound loss will put me under what I weighed when I was 19. I was only lighter for about a year, so I am going to treat that as an anomaly and just pretend like it didn't happen.
Hmm, this just now hit me, but I guess I have only gained 10 lbs in 10 years. It seems like more, though. I am going to kiss 300 lbs goodbye before summer and never, ever weigh that much again the rest of the days of my life.
Scott is back to his regular self and wishes that he didn't quit his spinning class half way through last night. I wish I knew why he gets like that somethimes and what we can do to prevent it. I need to quit getting mad when it happens. I feel like "F**k!! Not this bullsh*t again." I think I know WHAT causes it, but I don't know WHY. Like always, I told him the pattern I see and, like always he responds, "hugh, I didn't realize that pattern" like it was something I've never told him before. Grrr. Oh well, I love him anyway. Not one of us is perfect.
Update: We are having some friends over for dinner on Friday. I am doing most of the cooking. I need to figure out how to eat on Friday so that I can enjoy a couple glasses of wine with my friends and a brownie that one of them is bringing....need to get on that asap or Friday will be a calorie disasater. Also, I weigh in on Saturday morning. If I drink, I will probably be bloated the next morning...Hmmmm. Maybe I should just nurse a small glass of wine? I should do some research on how wine affects your system and how to combat the dehydration effects....
